TL;DR:
Been in a 1.4-year relationship that started off amazing. Over time, I began feeling suffocated due to constant conflict, lack of respect for my personal space, and emotional pressure. She struggles with insecurity, gets jealous when I spend time with female friends (despite reassurances), and relies on me entirely for emotional support. We’ve tried therapy and had countless talks, but issues keep repeating. The latest incident involved her guilt-tripping me for using a weekend to work on a personal project, even though we agreed I’d have that time. I still care about her, but I’m mentally and emotionally drained. Is this relationship worth saving, or is it time to go our separate ways?
The relationship started off really well. We connected deeply on so many levels — music, books, Gundams, sports, Star Wars, you name it. I really did love her, and for a while, I genuinely saw a future with her.
We met at a company I was interning at, and we both lost our jobs during a round of cuts. During that time, she started spending a lot of time at my place, sometimes from 8am to 11pm almost every day, and it started to weigh on both me and my mom. After I got a job, we agreed she’d only come over on my work-from-home days. But even then, she’d occasionally show up earlier than expected and would want attention while I was working. I understood that she wanted to beat traffic, but it made it hard to focus. I was seeing her five times a week, and it just started to feel like too much.
From early on, I told her I wasn’t the type of person who could be with a partner 24/7. I value alone time, whether it’s to recharge or spend time with friends. That became one of our biggest issues. Whenever I asked for space, she’d take it personally and assume I was avoiding her. I constantly had to reassure her, but it didn’t stop the accusations or insecurity.
Other issues that built up over time:
• She had a habit of dressing provocatively in public, even after I respectfully told her I felt uncomfortable. My mom also commented when she wore inappropriate clothing to family events, but the behavior didn’t change for long.
• She repeatedly ignored boundaries, especially around coming over too frequently. Even after direct conversations and warnings, things would change briefly and then go back to how they were.
• She was extremely insecure and often assumed I would cheat if I was meeting up with female friends. I introduced her to them, shared my location, reassured her constantly, but the suspicion never went away.
• When we had disagreements or I tried to talk about how I felt, she would guilt trip me or get defensive rather than trying to understand where I was coming from.
We even tried couples therapy. She said all the right things during sessions, but then acted in the complete opposite way outside of them. It felt like progress wasn’t being made.
The breaking point was a mix of things.
One night, I fell asleep with my PC on. She saw me online on Discord and spam-called me until I woke up, even though I had clearly told her I was going to bed early because I was tired.
The following weekend, we had agreed that I would have some alone time to focus on a work-related side project. I ended up spending Sunday doing some gunpla painting and having lunch with a friend. She flipped out when she found out, saying things like:
“I just don’t get how back then you thought going out for lunch with me disrupted your workflow and was a waste of time, but now you can paint and do your coding tonight. Isn’t that going to disrupt your time too? It looks like you only prioritise what you want to do.”
Then it escalated. She called me manipulative. Said I avoid communicating with her. That I make it seem like she’s holding me back from getting a better job. None of it felt fair, and it just broke me.
At that point, I realized I felt suffocated. I couldn’t even have a simple day to myself without justifying every move. It didn’t help that she often said she’s the kind of person who wants to spend all her time with her partner. I’m simply not built like that.
She also doesn’t really have friends, so she relied on me for everything. I tried to be there, but it was draining. I started to feel like I was carrying the emotional weight of the entire relationship alone.
I want to know if it is the right call to break things is it the right call?
I keep thinking about the good times. The shared laughs, the late-night conversations, the genuine connection we had. But I also remember the constant tension. The anxiety. The guilt trips. The exhaustion from having to explain myself over and over.
Thanks for reading.
P/s- I accidentally deleted the original post by accident
Comments
Yes, you did the right thing.
And honestly, what she wants is not what she “needs”. If she finds someone willing to do all that, it will not fulfill her or change her; it will actually enable her to behave worse. Her level of insecurity is manifesting as controlling, toxic behavior and unless she gets therapy for herself and commits to changing, she is going to repeat this pattern in her other relationships.
You should hope anyone else she dates leaves for their own well-being, as you did.
I didn’t read your whole post but just so you know most women would feel weird about you hanging out one-on-one with female friends.
You did the right thing. Love alone can’t fix a relationship that drains you. Choosing peace is valid
Don’t date someone who dresses in ways you aren’t into. Just like you don’t want to change your friendships, she shouldn’t have to change her style for you. You’re both clinging to something that never had a chance in the first place. Time to end it.