I’ve been close with both of them for several years. We used to hang out together often, and everything felt balanced. A few months ago, they had a disagreement about splitting costs during a trip. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, but since then things between them have become cold and passive aggressive.
They’re not yelling or insulting each other, but both have come to me privately to talk about it. They mostly just vent or say how the other person “doesn’t get it” and that they feel hurt. I try to listen without taking sides, but I’m starting to feel like I can’t keep doing that without one or both of them resenting me.
I’ve started avoiding certain group hangouts because I feel anxious being around both of them now. I don’t want to lose either friendship, but I also don’t think I’m equipped to play peacekeeper or therapist. I just want things to go back to normal, but I’m not sure if I should intervene, stay completely out of it, or set clear boundaries.
Length of friendship: I’ve known them both for about 4–5 years. We became especially close over the past two.
What I’m asking for: What are some healthy ways I can protect my relationship with both of them without being forced to pick sides or manage their conflict for them?
TL;DR: Two of my close friends are having a slow falling out and I keep getting pulled into the middle. I want to stay friends with both, but I don’t know how to avoid the drama without damaging the relationships.
Comments
I think you should stop entertaining what they are saying about eachother. You can’t be friends with someone who is talking shit about your friend. Let them both know not to come to you about the other. If they can’t handle you being friends with both, that is totally understandable and their decision to make.