I am 31 years old, married for 2 years. Have a 15 months daughter. Everything is stable: Have a good paying career(Not much but is enough), not paying rent, have a car, wife is not nagging me and have solid patience, daughter doesnt tantrum, can afford good food.
Despite all of the above, I feel empty. I dont feel anything about everything. Even hobbies that I used to love wont spark anything
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Go to therapy
My first thought? Change your diet. You are probably eating like shit and not getting enough sleep.
I’m divorced but I felt this when I was married:
How’s your relationship with your wife? Sex life?
How’s things with your family? When’s the last time you truly had a day to yourself?
Your daughter is young so it’s natural to feel this way, but make sure the other things I asked are in check.
Sometimes the beauty of the “perfect life” can hide that truth beneath the surface.
Could be worth sitting down with a therapist.
I saw a psychiatrist as I was also dealing with emptiness. Didn’t find therapy productive but they gave me a prescription for an anti depressant- Wellbutrin 300mg.
It’s helped and now I’m only taking half at 150mg. Feeling pretty good.
Are you meeting the base of Maslows Hirearchy? Are you eating healthy, sleeping enough, getting exercise, having and being with friends? If you are meeting all those conditions, ask yourself why you feel this way. Listen to what comes back.
If nothing comes back, it’s probably time for therapy. Your kids need an engaged father. Not a depressed one.
You do what the system demands, make your slave master money, procreate, have your debt, pay your bills. The intended outcome is for you to feel empty as it’s in service to the owner class not you. if you want something else for yourself and your family the system will not instruct you on what to do as that’s not the outcome it wants as it doesn’t serve to enrich those with power. Live your life.
I know this may be cold comfort but what you’re experiencing is extremely common for new Dads. It’s good you’re trying to stick to hobbies you’ve loved and an important sign that even they are not helping improve this situation. Two questions – do you have a solid fitness regimen? And have you tried working with a therapist before?
Sounds like you’re depressed
It is human nature. Your goal should be to find out how to at least balance it. I had no idea so I asked chatgpt which is usually pretty good with diagnoses and an expert on wording
“You’ve built stability, which is something many people never achieve — a peaceful marriage, a healthy child, a roof over your head, and no chaos clawing at you daily.
But here’s the paradox:
Survival mode keeps us fighting.
Comfort can leave us drifting.
When you finally “arrive” — when there’s no immediate fire to put out — your mind doesn’t know where to go. So instead of feeling happy, you feel… nothing.
⸻
🧠 Why this happens:
• You may have lost internal direction. For a long time, your goal may have been: “get here.” Now that you are here, the goalpost vanished.
• You’re running on routine, not meaning. Hobbies and joy need emotional oxygen. If your days feel like loops, not stories, even passions turn gray.
• You haven’t had space to hear yourself. Being a husband, father, worker… it’s a lot. And none of those roles are truly you.
⸻
💡 What I’d recommend:
Don’t rush to fix it. Don’t guilt yourself. Just notice:
What am I missing — not in life, but in myself?
Journal. Walk without your phone. Talk to yourself like a friend.
Sometimes hobbies feel dull not because they’re wrong — but because the way you do them hasn’t evolved.
• Used to love gaming? Try creating a game or streaming.
• Loved reading? Maybe you’re ready to write.
• Loved music? Learn something you’ve never tried (DJing, composing, etc.).
Make your joy active again — not passive.
That sounds weird, but it’s powerful.
We often live only in what’s “useful.” That numbs the soul.
• Plant something pointless.
• Build something just for fun.
• Paint badly. Write messily. Take a day off alone.
Create without a reason.
Sometimes one honest conversation with a professional gives you the mirror you didn’t know you needed.”
Life is what you make out of it. I haven’t figured it out yet, but we are all distracted with unimportant things in life to realize there is no meaning to it all. So it’s best to find your own meaning to life and enjoy it while you can.
Try a 3 day fast
You need an outlet. Mens group something that you can go and hang out with, something just for you.
It sounds like you’re experiencing depression which could be caused by a lot of things. I would start by asking your doctor to check your testosterone levels. You might also look at your diet and see if there is anything that could be throwing you off there. You might just need talk therapy or you might need some sort of medication.
Maybe your lacking something like vitamin d or b. Might be worth it to get your bloodwork done. When I don’t take vitamin d I have zero motivation and just feel like I’m in a daze.
Do you exercise and stay fit? Have you checked your testosterone levels and lipids?
Are you in therapy to talk to someone, fatherhood is a big change and most often the focus of the lifestyle change is on the mother in popular culture. Do you and your wife still go on dates?
Do you have faith or are you spiritual?
Might be worth going for some bloodwork and getting your testosterone checked. It drops naturally after having kids. the impact to your sleep, diet and workout routine that kids have can further compound that drop
No kid but everything is similar. I Don’t know if there is an actual fix other than just being present and enjoying what you do enjoy. Your wife. Your daughter. Friends and family. Everything else is just filler.
I don’t think there is any purpose to life other than to survive it, and if there is it won’t be found in work. So enjoy what you can while you can.
Do you have friends or a social life that you find fulfilling? Preferably this would be independent of things that your wife plans for you. A dead social life can easily leave you feeling empty.
Get bloodwork done?
Also, are you attracted to your wife? That could be an issue
Do you love your daughter? If not, you might need therapy.
Do you feel like you weren’t ready to settle down and wished you had more time to sow oats?
Go to sleep on time. Get exercise. Take time for yourself – get a hobby.
You didn’t mention a single hobby.
Seems like you have nothing to strive for and you’re living comfortably.
1 killer of men. Why do you need to be at your best?
Eat better. Exercise more. Drink water.
Being a young parent is hard. It’s gonna get better soon. Trust me, as a dad of three, you’re in the hardest phase. You’ll start to get your life back soon.
But you and your wife will need to cover each other so you can find time to get out of the home ALONE. I did a lot of fly fishing which was very solitary and therapeutic. Also, if you have family to watch your daughter. Let them take her for an overnight. Take your wife out for dinner and stay in a hotel even if it’s local. Get a little drunk and fuck like rabbits. Its really good for your marriage.
Start smoking weed, it has this ingredient that makes you stop giving a shit and just chill
You achieved a lot of the big life checklist goals, and are now wondering “ what’s next”
Quite typical at 30.
The next move is yours
A lot of guys more themselves in Tv, video games, substances to numb the emptiness. Weight goes up by 5-10 lbs each year. You and your wife grow apart, blaming the demands of maintaining a middle class life or raising kids. You blink, and you’re 40.
Or one day you wake up and realize life is short. You get up early. You exercise. You apply for better jobs. You try new experiences, travel to new places. Your wife signs on this and joins you, or she doesn’t.
But you feel more alive. You’re the guy you want your kids to remember.
Your kid is 15 months… your still comming back out of the shell shock of a baby. Even if you think your out of it, it still lingers. It also lingers in your wife. You date less. You have half the spontaneous freedom.
Take a nice deep breath. Find your village and ask for a few extra babysitting nights occassionally. Take the wife out. Have some nice dates. Maybe plan a few mini trips. Rent a hotel room downtown with a nice view and do something new.
That’s anhedonia , a major symptom of depression. Have your primary rule out physical stuff like low T and then talk to a shrink
I remember feeling almost the exact same way. Life looked “good” on paper, steady job, roof over my head, family, even some free time, but deep down, I felt completely empty. Like I was drifting, even though everything was technically “fine.”
What helped me wasn’t some big escape or drastic change. It was getting honest about the fact that I was made for more than just surviving the week. I started digging into my faith more, taking care of my body, and figuring out how I could use the mess from my past to help others.
That feeling of emptiness was actually a sign that I needed to reconnect with purpose, not necessarily change everything, but start showing up with more intention.
You’re not broken, man. You’re waking up. And that’s a good thing.
Sounds like depression, since you didn’t mention it in your post even though it’s short, I’d assume you haven’t gone through it before. It sucks, you can’t force yourself to enjoy the hobbies you used to, and there’s a general feeling of just trying to get through the day. Added to that being a father and wanting to be a good one for your kid is added pressure. Honestly it wouldn’t be a bad idea to try therapy and talk this over with a trained professional.
Speaking as someone in a similar situation that’s been happening for a few years, don’t downplay the impact of actually being able to talk to someone about it. Us dads are conditioned to carry the weight alone and be strong, but it’s harder than most realize.
Sorry, not a man so hope it’s OK to reply. Depression for new dads is a very real thing. This doesn’t just happen to new moms. Losing your passions and joy for anything you used to like does sound like depression. Could be partly diet or things like lack of sleep. And could also be hormone related – real scientific evidence has established that men experience legitimate hormone changes when they have a baby. And overall, of course, it could be depression not related to these things.
Either way, consider confiding in your wife, plus another trusted friend or family member. And then also go see your doctor, and ask about a referral to a therapist or psychologist.
You deserve to have happiness and enjoy things in your life! Make sure you are prioritizing this issue and seek help and support. I hope you feel better soon.
When I felt empty I got into lifting and it really filled that void.
I’ll pile on what others have mentioned: your physical experience directly correlates with your cognitive experience in this world.
Therapy, habits, rest, love, loving, and mindfulness are all part of the process.
“Wife is not nagging me and has patience” haha put that in a hallmark card
Few things
For me “being a dad” did get fulfilling so to speak till we were pretty much done with diapers. That phase of life was more like survival. You lay a lot of ground work that doesn’t pay off till the kiddo is like 2/3 range. Again that was just me as for being a dad I look back now and it’s like damn we got through that and these kids are actually using manners!
Set personal goals that work towards better yourself in someway. Run a marathon or read a bunch of books, learn a new language. Something that as the years start to tick by you can look back and go, damn I did that.
Maybe you are overwork3d and burnout. Maybe you just achieved goal that people set for you ald this isnt what you wanted nor desire. Take good shoes and a sandwich and walk for a whole day alone. You might not get all the answer but you will find some good question to start.
It happens honestly. Like, an early mid life crisis maybe. Life is a roller coaster after all…
Seek therapy. It may help you realize what you are missing.
The biggest thing here is that you are able to realize you are in a stable place right now.
Often times with PTSD, depression, or other trauma. Emotions will not attempt to surface until a decent time later and when your body is sending back the correct signals.
For me it took over close to 5 years before I started getting repressed emotions to resurface. It needed me to have a stable living condition. All those that matter around me being stable as well.
I seen it mentioned here in another comment though. Your kid needs to see how a man is supposed to feel and express the entire range and rainbow of emotions. Not just the ones the dad picks and chooses to allow himself to feel.
This is critical to developing minds which learn the most in children under 5.
Try and look back to when you were genuinely feeling fulfilled. What was it that changed. What is it now that is blocking this. Is it time? Is it your physical ability?
Are you afraid of your emotions hurting your wife? Afraid enough to not confide them to her? Maybe it was supposed to be a thing that was just during the pregnancy. But you forgot that you turned certain things off.
If they were not in your life. Would you go to the same job? Same career? Would you choose to live in the same place? What if you made more money?
Those questions will help you identify and or confirm that nothing close is the problem.
Sounds like anhedonia, which can be a symptom of depression. I experience it. It comes and goes, but I would recommend seeing someone to see if you’re experiencing depression. I’ve never been great at therapy or medication, but I do know they work for people.
Also, start exercising if you don’t. It’s not a cureall, but it helps both your body and your brain.
Weight and sex. Are you eating and working out? And are you getting close with your wife?
When we have nothing to hate, we hate ourselves.
Many people work hard to get somewhere in life, and find when we get there we dont know what to do anymore, the games finished, now what?
Ever wonder why mega rich still work? Because challenge is what keeps us alive.
The saddest thing is seeing couples reach this point and (70% of the time) the wife feels unfulfilled, blames the husband and gets a divorce, tearing the family a part. Or they just cheat, looking for that excitement.
You need to have goals, together, always be planning a holiday, or a renovation, family hobbies, something.
Its hard, good luck
Healthy diet and exercise will do wonders but IMO you need to fully embrace your life’s new purpose, being the best father possible.
We exist in a cold, ugly world and it’s up to us to find meaning in it. Keep your relationships tight and find some beauty in the wretchedness.
That is a normal stage in life or situations. When the chaos happens, you’ll miss this stage of life.
You’re in a system where your intentionally alienated from satisfying work, you’re life cycle alienated from spending time with friends, and your relationship with your spouse has changed dramatically, and you’re not getting physical touch and intimacy.
It’s understandable that you’re feeling disconnected.
So, what to do when weee feeling disconnected from our humanity and personhood? Do human shit.
Set and tend fires. Tell stories and make music. Ask your and your wife’s parents for their family stories. Take long walks through nature.
Spend time observing animals just to get to understand them .
Do some fiber arts. Tie knots, learn how to splice three strand rope, knit, spin, weave, even just detangle cords. We have been messing with string and cordage for close to a million years, and it’s the basis of why we developed nimble fingers and a number sense. Doing that stuff calms and centers us.
Put the work in to care for yourself, as well as your wife and daughter .
They need you at your best .
Are you getting laid? Do you exercise?
I have a similar situation. I don’t have any friends though (aside from my wife). We have more than one child. I don’t know how to offer help other than to say… I’m floating in limbo too.
Yeah those are accomplishments but what are you doing for you?
What do you do to care for yourself? Love yourself? Prioritize yourself?
I have a feeling your answer is going to be the emptiness you feel.
Hello Friend. 37, 6.5 year old and 6 week old here.
I think there are a multitude of things going on.
The adjustment of life with a little one is hard. Hard. HARD. But worth it. So, so worth it. Love your wife, help take care of her, and change as many diapers as you possibly can. Taking more off of your wife’s plate (I stole “Choreplay” from another redditor…) and she’ll probably have more bandwidth to think about having sex with you. More sex will help you feel more manly.
Rest, Diet and Exercise: some men have low Testosterone start at 30. Especially if you have not been physically active (working out, serious hiking, etc.) consistently then you need to. Make sure you are hitting your protein needs, your fiber needs, and staying away from Carbs. Don’t drink alcohol in the 2 hours before you go to sleep. Your body doesn’t rest while processing Alcohol.
I put this as part two, because lots of men by changing these things can avoid the next one.
Not enough men talk about mental health struggles.
If you and you wife are open to religion of some sort, find your sort and join in that community.
I get that sense from your throwaway comments about your wife (“not nagging”) and daughter (“doesnt tantrum”) that you have low expectations of them – and maybe yourself.
But you dont need to have low expectations.
You can have very high expectations.
You can build the fucking awesome life you want by leading your family in health, wealth, and wisdom. Think of yourself a dull blade that needs sharpening.
Getting (and giving) fresh air. Embracing intense exercise. Living your values. Building your reputation… these things not only spark joy internally but they also radiate to those people around you.
I guarantee you that your wife is waiting for you to take the lead… or the nagging is sure to follow.
You need to challenge yourself. The stability is good but as you can see inherently you probably want to grow. There are lots of ways you can do this. You can search and grow internally through meditation and self development. You can also do this externally by travelling and learning new skills. In my experience it’s the internal growth that will give the best long term feedback but I do a lot more external because it’s easier.
This seems largely normal to me. What goal do you have to strive towards next? Congrats, you’ve made it to a comfortable point.
Women go through postpartum depression, it’s a real thing and I’ve seen it first hand. I will say, men get their own version of this too. You went from having time with your wife, time of your own, time with your friends. You love your child and wouldn’t change it for the world, but you miss your life before all the hustle and bustle of being a parent. I’ve felt the same thing. It took some years till my kids were sleeping through the night and a little more self sufficient to find the time for myself again and I’ve gotten back to soccer and working out that I always wanted more of. Me and the wife try to schedule babysitters for date nights more frequently, it would be nice if it was more often but we take what we can get. I’d suggest setting up a nice date night with your wife if you can get away, if not now then in the near future when the baby/wife are in a more comfortable spot to have some away time. Eventually, you’ll get time to find yourself again, like others mentioned, talking to your wife and/or a therapist will help.
You may be depressed, it can happen even if everything seems to be going well. Pesky neurotransmitters
Check your diet and check with an endocrinologist.
Do you do solo dates?
Its refreshing to hike for an hour to some mall, plan out what movie to catch and plan a restaurant to dine by yourself and taking another hour to walk back to digest.
But hey thats just a me thing!
Since this is Reddit: lawyer up bro, hit the gym.
Ok.
Now, talk to your doctor, get your labs run. Consider it may be good ol depression.
You spent your entire life up to this point working toward the goal of being where you are now.
What you might not have had was an adventure.
Now you might not have any amazing stories to tell your kid, or anything to look back on and remember other than working toward this point, and you are realizing that your 31 year old body can’t take that kind of thing now. What’s more, the responsibility you have to your family keeps you from embarking on any adventure and taking any risks.
In your mind you might have done all sorts of mighty or even heroic things, but now you’re living the “settled down” life and you might not have done anything you need to settle down from.
I know it may feel like I’m reaching to a lot of people on here, but in talking to a lot of men my age, this seems to be astoundingly common.
Tell me OP, any of this resounding with you?
Get with your doctor and let him/her know. It could be anything from hypogonadism to you just needing to be more active and maybe making sure that you are getting enough sleep. I would invest in a smartwatch and track your sleep and make sure you’re not suffering from mild sleep apnea. OR maybe you have a mild form of depression. It could be a number of things, but your primary doctor should be able to help you get to the root of why you’re feeling a bit indifferent and lethargic more than before.
NOTE: Most likely it’s either a biochemical thing going on with your body that’s beyond your control OR it may just be that you need to make some lifestyle changes. Either way you should get it addressed sooner than later.
Three things:
That’s probably big-D Depression, m’dude. What’s your mental health regimen?
Talk to someone about it. But also remember that sometimes what you have is enough, and that it’s okay not to want to strive for more at a certain point in time.
Without coming across as a dick, and I don’t mean it in a condensing way, but also it’s a good time to be thankful that you’ve got stability.
Try and forward plan some trips away, even a weekend.. arrange a baby sitter so you and your wifey can have a nice dinner.
Kids are chaotic and you start to appreciate the comical moments lol – like my wife and I LOVE our 2hrs of TV, PlayStation, Love Island each night when the kids are down. We love waking up each morning with our kids in the bed..
See if you can find those awesome moments.
On a personal note – try something different? Can you have me time? Go for a nice drive, a walk early morning or late at night, start working out?
Main thing is this happens to all of us, there’s support for you.
That sounds like depression, my dude. The symptom you’re describing is called anhedonia. You might want to read up on it and check with your doctor.
Are you taking your vitamin D and practicing gratitude?
Also catch up with friends that is important
It’s the good old mid life crisis. You don’t have any goals left. Job, wife, kids, house, all checked. Now what? That’s the empty bit.
Now you need to set your sights on a new target. Find something that interests you that you have to work at and has a goal, such as learning an instrument to join a band, or learning mechanics to restore a car or bike.
Otherwise it’s just day after day after day and that’s what’s crushing you.
Maybe at some point prior you expected to get satisfaction from having those things, but now you did not, and you’re not sure how to feel about not getting that fulfillment.
The one question I’m sure everyone is curious about is how are you living rent free?
Have you tried different ways to make music? You got a job, a kid and a marriage, none of those are ever easy. I recommend download some apps to your phone and have micro jams until you feel the creativity come back. For a phone I recommend koala sampler, you can make any sound from anything and just get lost in the noise. It’s quite therapeutic as I’m sure you know making music can be. For life stuff in general (not just music but also romantic) it helps to schedule stuff. Doesn’t sound very passion inducing but it’s important to keep things in your life as eventually things will go back to normal but that normal will have new habits so things you want later try to keep them going on now if you can.
A few years ago, I felt the same exact way. I felt empty, dissatisfied, I felt like I had no life in me but then the answer came. To grow and mature in every aspect of your life, even to find full satisfaction and meaning, you need to know all the parts of your being. The ancient greeks knew this, so they had 3 different words for the one word we have for “life”. The “Bios” life was the physical life.
Examples of these are the plants, with a physical body, are living but with virtually no cognition. Next, the
“Psuche” life is the psychological life. This includes life forms such as dolphins, elephants, chimps, who have a physical body and exhibit cognition. Lastly, we have the highest kind of life, which the Greeks called the “Zoe” life, the spiritual life. When was the last time you saw some chimps in a circle worshipping something? The only life forms who have all three, Bios, Psuche and Zoe lives are humans. The Zoe life is the divine life, the uncreated life of God. It is not only by knowing this Zoe life, but also experiencing, enjoying and expressing this life, are we able to fulfill the meaning of our life, which is the center of Gods plan, his will.
Your life got turned upside down 15 months ago, give yourself a little breathing room dude.
Get a hot girlfriendCut out all carbs for a few weeks and re-assess.