Hi everyone, I (23F, Japanese) have been dating my boyfriend (24M, American) for about two and a half months. We both live in Japan. He’s generally kind, open, and consistent with communication, but I’ve been feeling a little insecure about his friendship with one of his female coworkers.
For context, his coworker is British and also lives in Japan. My boyfriend doesn’t speak Japanese, and she’s the only other native English speaker at his workplace. I think that’s one of the reasons they naturally got along.
Here’s what I know so far:
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Two months before we met, she invited him to go clubbing and to a gay bar. They stayed out until the morning. She got extremely drunk and couldn’t walk on her own, so he helped her get home. He also took a couple of photos of her while she was wasted (he later showed me those photos). In one of them, she was actually asleep on the floor of a train station, and he was lightly holding her. I understand the situation and appreciate his transparency, but it still made me a bit uncomfortable.
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She sometimes texts him while we’re on dates. One time, she asked “Are you free?” and he responded “Not now. Why?” — she then briefly complained about a pushy salesman who came to her home. Another time, I don’t know exactly what they were talking about, but after replying to her quickly, he turned on Do Not Disturb and said, “I don’t want to get distracted from my coworker’s texts.”
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They eat lunch together at work a couple of times a month. He usually sends me real-time pics of their food, so I know when it happens.
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He’s told her about me, and we even casually planned to hang out a couple of times (karaoke, drinks), but it never happened because either he or I was too busy with work. Recently, she invited him to her birthday party at a club next month, and he asked if I wanted to come too — but I’ll probably be visiting my hometown that weekend.
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One time I saw a notification from her pop up on his phone. Her real name is her username, but her nickname in the chat with him was something like “Chameleon Girl” or “Cinnamon Girl.” (I think it was “Chameleon,” but I only remember the first word starting with C and ending with N). I’m not sure if she gave herself that name or if he set it.
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He seems to be open. But still, I can’t help feeling insecure sometimes. I’ve been hurt in the past, so maybe I’m being overly cautious. I just want to know if this type of coworker relationship is something I should be okay with, or if it crosses into uncomfortable territory.
What do you think? Am I overthinking, or is there something I should gently bring up with him?
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you 🙏
TL;DR: I (23F, Japanese) have been dating my American boyfriend (24M) for 2.5 months. He’s close with a British female coworker — they’ve gone clubbing in the past, text occasionally (even while we’re on dates), and eat lunch together sometimes. He’s open about it: shows me their texts, talks about her, and invited me to her birthday party. Still, I feel insecure sometimes. One thing that stuck with me was seeing her Instagram nickname in their chat as something like “Chameleon Girl.” I don’t know if she set it or he did. Am I overthinking, or should I gently bring this up with him?