The worst part is that I feel this need to talk, make conversation, fill the dead space. You know, filling the awkward silence with useless blather. Be friendly, don’t look like a snob. But it’s just so forced, and so weird. I struggle so much to force conversations, it never comes naturally, or comfortably, at all. At the end, I feel like such a phony with my fake smiles, fake laughs… Asking bullshit questions, trying to be engaging… it seriously makes me feel disgusting afterwards. I question my whole identity. lol
Hello. Goodbye. How are you? That’s nice.
What am I doing wrong? Maybe it’s just not in me…
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Depression? It’s made me forget how to talk to people like a normal person..
It’s alright, just who you are. I’m like that as well as I prefer to listen and react more than to actually be the one to initiate.
I’m 40+ now and I really don’t gaf anymore. Don’t want to talk we’ll just sit there awkwardly.
I can often feel similarly, but after having been on an honest to god mental health journey in the past handful of years, I’ve had some clarity. After being diagnosed with ADHD, it was made clear that my own preference of silence among others was due to a racing mind- too many thoughts at once. Could talk happily for long periods about stuff I’m passionate about, but otherwise, what’s the point?
I’m in no way suggesting that you have the same neurology as me, but rather, your own tendencies might be symptomatic of something rather than just a facet of your personality. Medication made me realize how easily shaped those things I had assumed were rock-solid about my own personality really are.
In any case, you have every right to live as you see fit. Perhaps it’s worth addressing if you feel it’s negatively affecting your quality of life, but if you feel satisfied and self-congruent, then who gives a hoot? Authenticity is freedom in this crazy old world.
Very best to you.
Its a normal thing for men to be less talkative as they age, its called intrinsic maturation, which is likely a part of our natural evolution. As we age, we tend to seek out deeper, more meaningful relationships with a smaller number of people. So if its just that you don’t do well talking to acquaintances or meeting new people, thats totally normal. Small talk becomes undesirable in our minds.
If you find yourself completely withdrawn, unable to talk about anything with anyone, that is likely due to some form of mental distress like depression, which may be beneficial to talk to a medical professional about.
Learning to comfortably & naturally do casual small talk with people you have nothing in common with or aren’t really interesting to you is a skill of its own.
From what you’re writing, to me it sounds that you’re an overthinker. You’re constantly over analyzing:
What should I say?! What would they think?! Is this normal?! Maybe there’s another way?! Are others like this too?! etc’
Which all boils down to lack of self confidence IMO.
Loosen up, stop overthinking, let go of these voices, chill and go with the flow. Honestly, just be yourself naturally & confidently and don’t fight it.
Once you solve this internal puzzle of yours, you’ll see that it’s actually pretty easy to do.
Lastly, sometimes it’s ok to just be silent and don’t feel like talking. Don’t be too harsh on yourself on such situations.
It starts with being genuinely curious/interested. Your conversations feel forced because they ‘are’ forced. You are trying to create connections without actually connecting. It could be the result of overthinking or depression – this is something you will have to figure out on your own, or with the help of a therapist (which I highly encourage).
Question whether you actually want to do these things.
Most human animals are simply not worth your time and for me personally small talk is an insult. If one has nothing to say, one should go find something to do. Or at least leave me alone. Simple as.
Learning to enjoy silence is great. What you describe is a disconnect – are you missing something in these exchanges (meaning? Connection? Mental stimulation?) or are you lying to yourself about ‘the need’ and would you rather refocus your time and energy?
I cannot answer this for you, you’d have to question whether you are insecure about being alone for instance. Why do you feel the need for this behaviour and why is it unfulfilling?
Godspeed.
I cant do small talk, but i can absolutely do deep and meaningful talk, life changing shit, goals, dreams.
Then listen to others.I find nearly everyone else really interesting, and people like to talk about themselves. It takes practise.(Waiters, checkouts, store staff, bus drivers, ubers)
Some rules.
Don’t
Do