I’ve been watching a lot of police interrogation breakdowns on YouTube lately, stuff like JCS, Mind of a Criminal, Dreading, etc. and something that keeps jumping out at me is how often the suspect gets totally disarmed and fooled beautifully by flattery or what seems like emotional manipulation. They will get nicely buttered up by the detectives and made to relax.
You’ll see a guy come in all tense, arms crossed, not saying a word, and then the detective starts laying it on:
- “You seem like a really honest and nice guy.”
- “You’re smarter than most people we talk to.”
- “Nothing wrong in what you did and we feel so bad for you. We just need to know your reason now”
- “It’s a honest mistake. Not intentional. We know. Tell us your story so we can protect you from here.”
And just like that, the wall starts slowly coming down. The guy is made to giggle nicely, laughing, loosening up, and open up fully to his new buddy. He goes from clamming up to casually chatting like it’s a friendly conversation over beers. And then, predictably, he starts saying way more than he should. It’s like the moment they start feeling “seen” or validated, their sense of danger fades, and the detective just reels them in.
What I find fascinating (and a bit uncomfortable) is how effective this is on men in particular, especially when the language appeals to ego, strength, masculinity, or pride.
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Ultimately, I think it comes down to one of two things:
The men are desperately lonely and any compliment they get is positive. Bit like a lot of men, you remember compliments because we get so few
The dudes are narcissists and this feeds into their own self belief and views of themselves, thus confirming they’re correct.
Thankfully most criminals aren’t that smart.
Why do people talk in interrogations at all? There’s just nothing to gain from it. There’s a ton of lawyer videos saying, “Please, STFU.”
Because people like being told that we have good qualities, it’s not just men. I’m sure there are things that get other people to open to up the cops, too. And cops are good at getting people to start talking. This is why you NEVER say ANYTHING without a lawyer, even if you’re innocent.
I think it’s probably because most people are pretty simple creatures, and laying on the flattery makes almost everyone open up. There’s a book on negotiations called Never Split The Difference where he talks about high-stakes negotiations with terrorists, where you’d have to establish empathy as much as possible and get them to feel like you’re both on the same side.
There’s also evidence that criminals tend to have a lower IQ so they might be more susceptible to emotional manipulation, but I think this is just a human thing.
I’ve had this discussion with my father so many times: if you are talking to a cop, STFU. End of discussion. No explaining your side, so defending yourself or laying out an alibi. “I’m invoking my rights to not speak until i have counsel present.” That is the only thing you say.
Every time dad says he is going to give the cops a piece of his mind and it’s okay ‘because he is one of the good guys.’ I don’t care if you are the apostle Paul, you don’t talk to the cops….however a lot of older people still believe the cops are there to help them.
Not trying to sound mean here, but people that commit crimes tend to be less intelligent and less intelligent people tend to also be easier to manipulate. What’s more, crime shows want to show cases that are exciting and cases where interrogation goes nowhere tend to be less so. It’s also important to remember that men have both more geniuses and more idiots, as our general traits, including intelligence, are more variable than for women, even though our averages are the same.
So it’s a mix of two different kinds of sampling bias that’s responsible here, most likely.
What a smart question! You must be a detective or something yourself?
People like flattery. I don’t like when people paint it as stupidity. It’s naive to think you aren’t the same. We’ve built an entire advertising industry around knowing how to manipulate people. Understand that you’re susceptible to it too and probably get baited in at times. use that knowledge to distrust your instincts, not to think “gos I’m so smart I’d never fall for that”
Most criminals aren’t smart, the ones that get caught even more so.
I’ve been interrogated once. When I was younger I went to a party where shady shit went down and apparently a group of people at that party planned out something further that they carried out later that night.
Anyway, cops come and pick me up, take me down to their station and put me in a room with 2 of them. One dude, one chick. I played games with them for about 20-30 minutes. I shouldn’t have, but as someone who works in the psych field, the opportunity to be a part of this dynamic was too juicy to pass up.
I have to admit, they thought they were better than they were, so it was extra-amusing to me.
Quick rundown of their strategy.
They started off as good cop/good cop, asking dumb questions. 100% tactic to make me feel smarter than them to get me smug and cocky in an attempt to get me to be arrogant and say something out of arrogance.
When that didn’t work, they shifted tactics. He went bad cop and she went with flirty feminine woman wanting to be my friend and protect me from her mean coworker and the unjust system.
When that went no where they shifted tactics again.
They were getting very annoyed with me because I would either answer questions with “hmm” or start telling them the synopsis of a movie like it was my life. She cracked when told the plot of Jurassic Park and asked why anyone in their right mind would go to a private island with genetically engineered dinosaurs.
Their next tactic was she went bad cop and starting attacking my masculinity, how I’m probably too much of a pussy to yada yada, and he tried to become my bro, and defend my manliness.
At that point I just looked at the camera and asked “am I free to go? If not, I will say nothing further without my lawyer.” They were big mad and frustrated.
My lawyer(family friend) was both amused by what I had done while calling me a stupid asshole.
Years later I end up working with the police as a consultant (different department/jurisdiction).
It wouldn’t be an entertaining TV show if there was no dialogue
Everyone does, because it works. Sales people use the same techniques for the same reason. That’s like wondering why people keep falling for propaganda, it fucking works, that’s why.
> disarmed and fooled beautifully by flattery or what seems like emotional manipulation
ya. interrogations are all about emotional manipulation. they use it on everyone.
for men it easiest to manipulate them through, strength, power, pride, and control which are all big parts of your average male identity.
for women it’s thru empathy/guilt, personal connection, motherhood/using their kids against them, or painting them as a victim. they butter them up like they do with men… but they use other things like emotional strength/intelligence, or morality (i can tell that you’re such a good person and that you really want to tell the truth)
this stuff is built into our culture/society.
also…
> “Nothing wrong in what you did and we feel so bad for you
stuff like this is a way to sort of make the crime seem less serious so that they may be more willing to relax and give more information or confess. they feel like maybe everything will be alright if they fall for lines like that
Most criminals are criminals because they are dumb.
Because it’s television.
It is a major vulnerability that cops take advantage of, for sure.
People should be more secure and confident, it’s lame that society creates then exploits these weaknesses in all people, regardless of gender.
It’s not generally “ men “ it’s traits of a personality type . Skilled interrogators will pick them early and feed the personality , Feeding the egos … same thing can work no matter the gender
men in our society are so incredibly starved for emotional validation, from friends, spouses, parents, mentors etc, that we latch at ANYTHING we get.
The only men this tactic would not work on, would be pychopaths who feel nothing when validated by others, because their sense of value is entirely internal, and happy men grounded in wholesome loving relationships with other people, but the latter rarely become criminals, and the former rarely get caught in the first place.
>it plays on masculinity or ego
you answered your own Q.
Human Nature. There are decades and decades worth of research into this kind of stuff and they know it works.
Criminals who end up on those shows often aren’t the brightest bulbs and some of the biggest egomaniacs I’ve ever met were also some of the dumbest petty criminals I’ve ever met. Flattering idiots with strokes of their ego is just straight up effective, as you’ve noticed. At the end of the day, it’s a pretty accurate statement when they say men are simple creatures. Play to the ego and being friendly/interested in them is enough to stop the guard for far more men than it should, but reality is what it is
Selection bias, they aren’t showing the cases where nothing happens.
Criminials are also on average not the most intelligent people.
And interrogators are trained in interrogation tactics.
“No comment”
Maybe, but you haven’t shown a woman that isn’t also susceptible to these tactics. Also, the lines you cited have nothing to do with masculinity. Your theory may be true but you haven’t done much to prove it
Everyone in this thread acting like it wouldn’t work on them lol.
Humans are not rational actors. Psychologists and police work for decades to understand how to exploit emotional vulnerabilities.
First thing, you’re watching videos of a very specific event and going why does this happen so often. Well because you’re watching a load of it. The times it doesn’t happen aren’t going to be on there. Think about it.
Narcissists love flattery.
Almost everyone (this includes men) think police are ultimately the ‘good guys’ and when ‘the good guys’ are talking nice to you, of course you’re going to comply and work with them. They are “the good guys”.
That’s the reason, OP.
Selection bias they only show the ones who talk. They don’t show the ones who are like “I invoke my 5th Amendment right and demand to speak to a lawyer”.
Because…its a TV show- cant exactly have 10-15 minutes of silence.
Because it’s necessary in shows to close things out for the viewer. Real interviews are nothing like that – people rarely confess. I’m sure people will insist they have twins with the exact same fingerprints.
Well, with one look around it’s obvious most men don’t often get compliments and praise, even like what you’re describing. And I have to assume when we’re talking about real criminals like this, not people who made one bad decision or got caught up in something, that they come from rough areas and it’s even rarer for them to hear any sort of talk like this. For some I have to imagine it’s their first time ever hearing nice thing said about themselves, so of course they’re going to fold like an omelet.
Everyone’s being smug talking about people not being smart.
I think it’s more to do with the anxiety and lack of clear thinking when you’re in an interrogation room staring at a police officer and you need to think now and manage a thousand thoughts and emotions. You’ve (let’s assume) done something and now you’re HERE, there’s a lot going on in your head.
Some preparedness will help (like being conscious of not talking to cops) but I thinks it’s entirely reasonable for all kinds of people to fold under the pressure.
The reid technique.
Because criminal masterminds are a myth. 99% are morons, hence the criminal behaviour.
Me: “I’ll never talk to you pigs”.
Police: “the handsome suspect is refusing to cooperate”
Me: “awe you think I’m handsome? Even after murdering that guy?”
There are obviously some psychological tricks and such police use to their best advantage, but I remember hearing a cop once say that the best advantage they have is that most criminals are just not very smart. If they were smart, they wouldn’t commit crimes, or would do so in a stealthy way that doesn’t get noticed.
The last compliment I got from someone that isn’t family was June 6th and that was a passing compliment for my hat. I know the exact date and time since it was date night and the bartender was nice.
It’s a month later and I have not been given a complaint since.
>What I find fascinating (and a bit uncomfortable) is how effective this is on men in particular, especially when the language appeals to ego, strength, masculinity, or pride.
It makes a lot more sense when you consider that fact that most men aren’t really complimented on much of anything once they grow up and aren’t around their mom anymore. A lot of people, and women in particular, grossly overestimate just how starved for affirmation that the average man is.
Because how often do you get a compliment as a man?
Its disarming.
Men are starved for attention or positive affirmations. It’s like questioning why someone who’s dying of thirst In the desert doesn’t question what type of water they’re getting.