My bf (29M) and I (27F) broke up at the beginning of this year. We were together for 2 years and lived together. I broke up with him because I tried communicating to him multiple times what I needed and wanted from him with no improvement. I gave him multiple chances and I finally gather enough strength to break up with him. He moved out and got his own place, I stayed in the house we were renting.
I was not okay and two weeks after we broke up I rebounded hard with one of my friends who he mutually knew but was only acquainted with. That was short lived, lasted only a few weeks and I came to and realized I made a huge mistake by doing that.
About two months later in March, I reached out to my boyfriend (ex-bf at the time), who thought I was already dating my friend. I told him I wasn’t. We had long conversations and came to an agreement that we wanted to still be together and try to make it work out.
Months have gone by now, we both have been going to therapy and working on ourselves. We are trying to be better for one another.
He was a huge people pleaser during our relationship, it was one of the reasons why I ended things. He eventually began putting other peoples feelings above mine to avoid hurting their feelings which would result in me being hurt. These people were coworkers, people who shouldn’t be prioritized above the person you are in a relationship with.
He is adamant that he does not care about what people think. Although, he hasn’t told anyone at all that we are together and have been since March. He hasn’t told anyone not even his family that we are even talking again.
Initially, I did not care that he didn’t want to tell anyone. I didn’t expect it to be this long that he would be keeping us a secret.
My problem is, I have relationships to mend now with his friends and family. After breaking up, I want to make sure I can be introduced back into his life which includes his friends and family. I care about having a good relationship with the people he cares about. I explained that to him and he continues to tell me that he’s trying to “protect” me. And that he doesn’t care about what they think, claiming that if they don’t support us being together again then they aren’t his real friends and he won’t keep them in his life.
I tried to tell him that I don’t want to be that woman who is the reason he loses friends.
Keeping us a secret is prolonging the other challenges we will have to get through when it comes to him introducing me back into his life. He has a lot of friends and coworkers we would hang out with all the time. I have tried explaining that to him he will reiterate to me that our relationship should be between just us two anyways and other people don’t matter. It truly makes me believe that he hasn’t changed and is still people pleasing by not telling anyone about us because he’s afraid of what they will think.
I understand where he’s coming from because when we first spoke again after the break up. He initially introduced being a “secret” because he didn’t want to look stupid, because we broke up and I rebounded with someone else so fast. I can see where he’s coming from with that. But I personally, would not care how it looked if roles were reversed because I love him and want to be with him regardless of how it looks or what other people think.
If he truly wanted to be with me, truly loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me like he says he does, marry me, have his children, he wouldn’t care about that. Right?
TL;DR: My boyfriend is hesitant to tell his friends or family that we have been back together for months after breaking up at the beginning of this year. He is worried about what they will think. I want people to know so I can work on mending relationships with his friends and family. He says it’s no ones business and believes it should be just between us two.
I’m not sure what to do…I need some advice please. I want everyone to know about us being together again. Am I not considering his feelings? I’m sorry if this is all over the place, it was a lot to explain.