This has been sitting on my mind so I thought I’d get some advice from people who have been in a similar position as me.
My girlfriend and I are in a very loving relationship, we spend a lot of time together and each time is better than the last. We’ve been together for 4 months.
The problem is, once she leaves, even if I know I’ll see her the following day, I get really stressed out and can’t focus on anything, I keep thinking of her and I get that’s normal to some extent, but then if I don’t get a text or reply from her, I get anxious and keep checking my phone every 5 seconds.
There’s a rational side of me that says “Focus on something else, everything is fine, you’ll talk later” but that often gets interrupted by my anxiety and turns into “She’ll leave you, she’s ignoring you” etc.
I know all the basic advice like try a new hobby or whatever, but every time I attempt it I just can’t focus and thinking about doing stuff alone just makes me feel like I won’t enjoy it.
I am well aware that if that doesn’t change, no matter how reassuring and sweet she is, she will get stressed out by it and possibly leave, so my question is, how do I become okay with being by myself, and trust in the relationship enough to know that she’ll still be there?
TL;DR;: I’m in a loving 4 month relationship, but I struggle with intense anxiety when my girlfriend isn’t around – constantly checking my phone and overthinking. I know this could hurt the relationship in the long run. I’ve tried distractions but can’t focus. How do I learn to be okay on my own and trust that she’ll still be there?
Comments
Separation anxiety is hard. It should get easier the longer you’re together. I’m still trying to work on this myself but it’s important to push yourself through the uncomfortableness and reassure yourself that you don’t need to feel this way. I wouldn’t put this on my partner too much if I were you, because that just gives you another thing to stress about. Just take deep breathes when you feel like you NEED her, you’re fine.
My friend, I think you will benefit from some therapy. You’re right that your gf will tire of your anxiety and dependence on her, and it’s not her job to make you feel ok about being without her between dates. Please go and get yourself some professional help before you lose someone you care about.
You need: