For some background, I’m 19M, turning 20 in August. I attend college full time and live with my parents to cut costs. I can’t move out even if I wanted to because I haven’t saved too much money (I started working late due to educational issues), that and I help drive my older brother, 20M, by driving him to school (he’s legally blind and can’t drive). I do not have a close relationship with my mom (61F) or dad (65M), because they both show heavy traits of narcissism and tend to bounce off one another. Despite this, I am very close with my older brother.
I’ve been doing great at college and have maintained a savings, as I began working my first year of college. I wanted to travel to the UK to visit my boyfriend of nearly 5 years, 21M, and his family over the summer (possibly July of 2026). When I told my mother about this, she was excited for me, as she stated that we “needed to see more of each other” (we’re long distance). My boyfriend and his family have also wanted me to visit them for a while now, so I thought this would be an awesome vacation to save up for. I thought everything would be okay from here on out.
However, a few nights ago while I spoke to my mom about it again, she suddenly switched her attitude on the whole thing. She claimed that I can’t be gone for a whole month because It will “feel weird in the house without me”. I find this statement ironic considering I’ve been gone for months at a time when I used to have a dorm on my college campus. When I brought up this fact, she just rolled her eyes at me and said that I wasn’t going. She then switched the topic and talked about something else and I eventually just went to my room. This isn’t the first time she’s switched up on my plans and became negative of them.
I feel like this is very unnecessary, considering I’m a legal adult and can fly on my own. She’s also not paying anything for me and me and my boyfriend have both already made plans of what we’re going to do when I come to the UK. I’ve spoken to both my boyfriend and brother about this and they both think she is in the wrong.
What should I do to bring this up again with my mom and get her back to being okay with this again? I’m mostly just afraid she’ll threaten me with something if I just go for that long without her approval.
Sorry if this was a bit of a mess, as I’ve never used Reddit before.
Comments
Lie
Say that you will stay on campus for a month at a friend place beacuse you have a university project. Or something similar. That you have a stage somewhere and you will be there for 1 month or whatever.
I’d rather save up for independence if I were you. Living your life without your mothers permission should be a high priority in your 20’s, you only get them once
Sounds like she wants you to beg for her permission. You need to realize that you can live just fine without it. Enjoy your time away with BF and his family. Once you return, start working on becoming more independent so that you’ll no longer feel the need for her permission. You’ll simply inform her of your plans if you care to.
Go. Have a good time.
But keep the details before you go secret as she will do anything to sabotage it.
If it comes up again just tell her you’re excited about going, she says no, you just ignore it.. she doesn’t dictate what you can and can’t do, she can kick you outta the house tho, so that’s a line you have to be careful to cross
Why are you appearing to be seeking parental permission to take a self funded holiday to see your partner? She knows the date of departure already. Organise an uber to and from the airport. Just go!
I would stop talking to her about it. You’re making plans for a year away. Continue to save money to finance your trip. Get your passport & any necessary visas in order on your own. Reevaluate when you’re ready & prepared to purchase tickets.