I (46F) have been with my bf (49M) for over 13 yrs, 12 of which have been living next door to his mom (70F) who owns the duplex we live in and lives on the other side. Tonight I have had enough of her! I took a very late shower and did not get out until about 12:20am. I text her when I got out asking if she had accidentally blocked one of my cameras bc we share a joint internet account bc the app said the camera was offline. She text me that it said the internet was offline and unplugged. And bc I didn’t reply fast enough for her, she didn’t even give me a literal minute to reply, she walked over here. She must’ve come thru the back door bc my front door was locked, and every single light in my house and both porch lights were turned off. I’m naked sitting in bed when all of a sudden I hear here calling my name saying the internet was unplugged which I had already checked and had text her I just plugged the router back in bc it must’ve gotten unplugged when I was changing extension chords out. She’s hard of hearing and when I didn’t come out and was texting her instead bc I was still naked, again not fast enough for her liking, she had the nerve to open my bedroom door which was closed, with her flashlight from her phone pointing straight in on my naked body! I start yelling I’m not dressed and she just stood there! I yelled again and she closed the door leaving it cracked enough to see in the room. I finally sent her a message it was plugged back in and I had just gotten out of the shower and again said I was naked then I proceeded to ignore everything else she said to me. After she finally walked off bc she realized I was ignoring her, I yelled at my bf about it, but he claimed he slept thru it, which I don’t believe for a second. And he doesn’t have my back when it comes to her. He’s acting like I’m blowing what just happened out of proportion and is aggravated at me for being so mad. I am beyond furious! His mother is constantly crossing lines and boundaries, and with what just happened: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! What do I say? What should I do? What do I even begin to say to his mom to make her stop? This is just the tip of the iceberg on how much she invades my privacy and crosses boundaries on a daily basis. I feel extremely mad bc not only did she proceed to walk thru my home where all the lights were off, but then had the nerve to open my SHUT bedroom door and then STAND THERE WHEN SHE SAW I WAS NAKED with her cellphone flashlight pointing at me, but not only that, then stood outside my door SHE LEFT CRACKED OPEN after I yelled at her to close my door after seeing me sitting on the bed completely naked! This has crossed every line I have bc she has no boundaries! I could list incident after incident of her doing things that are extremely inappropriate for her to be doing and I am about to explode! AITAH for being this mad?
AITAH for being furious with my bf’s mom for coming inside my absolutely dark home after midnight and then opening my bedroom door with her cellphone flashlight pointing phone straight at me- sitting naked on my bed?
r/AITAH
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she crossed a big line by walking in, opening your bedroom door, and not respecting your privacy. tell her firmly that she can’t come in without permission. your boyfriend should back you up ,if he doesn’t, that’s a problem too. set clear boundaries. your space needs to be respected.
>And he doesn’t have my back when it comes to her.
NTA for being mad but YTA to yourself for not leaving this loser which you should have done years ago.
So, based on what you have said
you have a a potential future MIL issue
more importantly you have a BF issue, like a huge one.
you’re asking if you’re the AH for being this mad? Fk i hate people who have been gaslit so hard they have to ask this very simply answered question, no you’re NTA
honestly ask your self why you stay in this situation
at some point you have to stop blaming everyone around you when its your self who keeps your self in this situation.
Get out from it, leave your mommas boy bf and his annoying mommy
The mom owns your duplex? And you rent from her? So, move. Give her notice and find somewhere else to live. She obviously regards your place as part of hers.
Meantime, change the locks and put those chains on doors.
And, stop texting her at midnight . Why would you do that? She then thinks you are awake and wanting to socially engage. Just stop.
Yes, she and her non-boundaries are a problem. But you aren’t exactly behaving like a middle aged adult either.
ESH.
Absolutely not the AH, your anger is justified. That wasn’t just a slip-up it was a massive invasion of privacy. She crossed a serious line and your boyfriend brushing it off makes it worse.
I wouldn’t be able to live like that. I would have gone absolutely ballistic. Just because he doesn’t mind his mother’s intrusion into your home and private lives doesn’t mean you’re overreacting. She sounds really creepy, like she was enjoying watching you naked and angry. Something is wrong with her.
Time to get separate internet connections, separate cameras, and separate apps. Get one of those digital door locks and install it yourself. Whenever your bf caves in and gives her the code and you find out about it, change it. If he keeps getting locked out and has to call you for the code, then maybe he’ll get the point that he has to stop giving it to his mom.
If she’s so hard of hearing that she can’t hear (or supposedly understand) that you’re upset, get an air horn and use it the next time she walks into your bedroom. That’ll certainly wake up your bf so he can’t pretend he didn’t know.
I’m so sorry but this post has me cracking up so hard. I’m picturing the scenario and it sounds like a Will Ferrell movie.
Or Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore in the movie Duplex
NTA.
But you aren’t going to win this battle, and your BF does have your back. It’s time to start living separately so you don’t have to deal with her overstepping.
She owns the house. The only way out of this is to pack your bags, because her son is her son before he’s your bf, I’m afraid.
Twelve years and there are still no boundaries? It’s never going to happen.
NTA, clearly.
Please get the entire fuck out of that place and that family. He’s never going to support you while he’s still basically at his mommy’s tit, wtf. If that wasnt bad enough to take your side I don’t know what is!
NTA I would move out so fast.
For one thing, as your “landlord,” she broke the law coming in unannounced without written notice before 48hrs (might be 24hrs where you are idk but still).
For another, that is your home. Your private space. No MIL should be encroaching like that. The conversation should have remained over text, since it’s not like you personally went and knocked on her door to ask.
3rd point, your boyfriend is not backing you up or supporting you in the way he should be. He should also be yelling at his mom over this. His mother literally broke into your house and broke into your bedroom and stared at you naked. There is no excusing that. I also fully believe he pretended he was asleep so he wouldn’t be dragged into “your drama.” No offense, but he’s useless.
Move out. Cut your losses.
12 years together and he’s still sucking his mom’s tit? ESH. Him for being a gross mommy’s boy. You for staying with this loser. There are no boundaries here at all. Get your own apartment and leave this crazy behind.
Have a sit down with her. Change locks if you have to.
She sees your house as her house bc she owns it. But that’s not true. You are renting it & have rights to not have your peace disrupted. Your bf needs to be the one to tell her to not enter your home unless she’s invited.
If it was me, I would send her a txt tho. I would explain what she did by coming into your home after midnight & opening your bedroom door was unacceptable behavior. She invaded your privacy & personal space instead of txting like yinz were doing. She stood there with her flashlight in your face while you were exposed & she’s been crossing boundaries. She needs to ask permission to enter from now on. I would explain how extremely uncomfortable you are now in your own home that you pay for bc she has no sense of boundaries.
If it was me, I’d also have an issue with the bf. He sounds like he doesn’t give an F what stress & anxiety she causes you. I’d limit my interactions with her. Get your own internet, camera, etc. get deadbolts, trip wires (haha jk…. Kinda) but I’d send that txt & get to work. If you have no plans on leaving him or the home, then you gotta handle this asap or prepare to live your life like this.
Change the locks. Keep the old ones, swap them back when you leave.
I would honestly get a deadbolt and install it, locking the house regularly so she can’t enter even with her key.
If you are paying money for the place you live in then you are classified as a tenant and by her coming in without permissible is violating your rights.
To your partner, ” Tell her to return her key or I’m getting the locks changed. I have had enough of this non stop invasion of privacy. If you can’t do this then im going to start looking for other accommodation. “
NTA
Call the police. Have her tresspassed
If your BF won’t support you, he is a bigger problem than she is. You can try anything you want, but I suspect the only way to keep her from continuing this behavior is to leave him.
NTA
Hell nah NTA. Who the hell she think she is to arrive after midnight, come into your home and shine a flashlight at your face. That alone would’ve pissed me off, and your saying she’s done MORE? Have a real conversation with your bf and tell about how disrespected you feel by all of this and you will no longer tolerate it
She crossed boundaries. This is who she is. Your bf doesn’t stand up for you. That is who he is. You’re living in her duplex. This feels to me like a serious error; even if you lock doors, she’ll have keys.
So NTA, but these are the people you’ve surrounded your life with. Maybe give some serious thought to changing up boyfriend and finding somewhere else to live?