I (55F) lost my daughter Amy to an accident 2 years ago. Amy was married to Daniel and they had my grandson Kai together who is now 8. Daniel met his current partner a year after Amy died and they welcomed a baby in May of this year. Ever since the birth of his daughter, Daniel’s had an issue with us wanting time with just Kai.
Daniel was upset when we didn’t go to his and his partners baby shower.
He was upset we bought nothing for his baby.
And he was even more upset when we didn’t come to the hospital to meet his baby.
We were taking care Kai while Daniel’s partner was giving birth and Kai wasn’t even allowed per the rules of the hospital. Daniel still expected us to take it in turns to visit his child, who he called our newest grandchild. My husband and Daniel had a conversation about that title and the expectation that his new child was our grandchild. He told my husband he didn’t see why Kai should be the only kid to get grandparents and he said we only had one child and one grandchild so we should be happy to have even more grandchildren from him and his partner. My husband told Daniel we would be nice to his daughter when we saw her but Kai was still our only grandchild.
Daniel threatened to stop us seeing Kai afterward and then he did some research and learned we would have a case for grandparents visitation if he did this. So he has been attempting to force his partner and daughter into our lives more regularly, in an attempt to force us to treat them like a daughter or daughter in-law and granddaughter.
Last week Kai told me he misses spending time at our house and having sleepovers. Even before Amy died we would have him overnights, etc. Now it’s Daniel’s whole family when we see Kai and attempts to make us focus only on Daniel’s daughter.
I asked Daniel to consider a sleepover for Kai soon and he asked me why I wasn’t making the offer for his daughter. I told him Kai is my grandson and I care very much about maintaining a good relationship with him. Daniel asked me if I only wanted a relationship with Kai and not his daughter. I said yes. I told Daniel that he needs to understand that Kai is Amy’s and she was our only child and we already lost her. He told me it wasn’t fair. And he released a lot of frustration which I sat and listened to. Then he told me fine, I won, Kai wants to be with us without the rest of them anyway so we win. He then told me he hoped I could live with myself when his daughter and any future children felt like shit because they weren’t good enough in our eyes to be our grandchildren too.
I felt he was unfair. But he made himself perfectly clear that he felt like we were awful people. He did bring Kai for a sleepover all weekend, which Kai loved. And he spent the day at our house yesterday too but again Daniel let it be known he felt my husband and I were not good people.
AITA?
Comments
NTA. Grief isn’t a group project, your bond with Kai is sacred. Daniel’s guilt-tripping is cruel. 💔
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What will you do if the only way to have a relationship with Kai is to also have that one with his sister? It would not be right of your son to demand this, but I can see it being a possibility.
no, you’re not the asshole. you’re grieving your daughter and just want time with your grandson. it’s okay to keep that bond special. daniel is hurt, but it’s unfair to force you to see his new child as your grandchild. you’re not being rude, just setting boundaries while still being kind.
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Where is Daniels Parents ? Where is Amy’s parents ? = Those are Grandparents for the new baby …
Don’t tell if you have money saved for Kai’s education … Make sure your Will is up to date > so that if something happens .. any inheritance you have for Kai > Make Sure it will be in a trust that Daniel can’t empty for the new baby or any more they have in the future
Kai knows you love him … be there for him and be ready for him to come live with you at age 18 … His Dad will make him ‘dislike’ stepmom & half sibs because of this issue … Daniel sounds like a a**
Daniel is probably looking at / for $$$ for ‘his’ kids
NTA
She’s not your family. You have one grandchild.
Get visitation if you need to. Daniel is wrong here.
I have mixed feelings about this and about grandparents’ rights. For example, if Daniel decided to simply move across the country with his family would you fight a relocation or demand Kai spend every summer with you and miss out on family fun because you believe you need visitation rights? Or would you then travel to visit them on a regular basis? What is your end goal?
I think that in not accepting Daniels new partner and child as part of the family you are likely giving up holidays, birthdays, etc with Kai because Daniel’s immediate family deserves to be comfortable during those events.
I mean, not wanting a close relationship is fine… but excluding the child when you give presents brings you into AH territory.
And frankly if the kids go to school/daycare, weekends are pretty much the only time they have to really bond. I don’t think Daniel would be wrong to only limit the sleepover and weekends at your house to once a month or once every other month.
You not considering his daughter family doesn’t mean he has to sacrifice his family time so that you get to ignore the rest of his daily. You’re putting Kai first. He’s putting all of his kids first.
NAH this is just a heartbreaking situation all around. You clearly love your grandson deeply and are trying to preserve that bond with the only piece of your daughter you have left. That’s not cold or cruel, it’s grief and love tangled together. At the same time, Daniel’s trying to move forward and build a family where both his kids feel equally loved and supported, and that’s totally valid too. It sucks that everyone’s hurting in their own way, but no one here is being malicious. Just keep leading with love especially for Kai and maybe with time, things can soften on both sides.
NTA in any way, shape or form.
Your former Son in law threw himself headlong into a new relationship and is dealing with his grief in his own way, but you don’t need to follow him down that path. Kai is your grandson. Full stop. The new baby and his new spouse are not part of your family, and it’s honestly weird that he keeps trying to re-write the reality of the situation.
Honestly, I don’t see any of this lasting. Kai’s dad has made choices while grieving that he is very likely going to regret later. Stay civil, keep loving your grandson, and be prepared to be there for him when it all unravels.
As a grandma I would also welcome the new baby. Not all the time. But I would live her also.
NTA and to be frank you do ONLY have 1 grandchild. Anyone who says the daughter is innocent is correct… but that doesn’t mean you owe any relationship and any wedge certain the siblings would bed no fault of your own. I should recommend making a good track of all the visits and any snarky comments he makes to have a trail in case you do need to resort to grandparent rights.
NTA. You’re not obligated to have a grandparent role to a child who isn’t yours. It’s kind to be polite and welcoming when you see her, but your grandson is your family, and it’s okay to focus your love on him.
NTA
Make sure you document every time Daniel gives you grief about not wanting to be in his other children’s lives…
And like someone else said any type of funding you plan on giving your grandchild make sure it’s set up ironclad so his father cannot get a hold of it and use it on his other children..
why would Daniel think that a two month old baby is old enough for a sleepover, with people she hardly knows no less. a sleepover is a fun bonding thing with friends or relatives. what he’s insisting on is called babysitting. and it’s bananas, most parents would love to know that the older child is getting lots of love and attention while they focus on the baby.
Sue for grandparents rights
Yeah, my Dad would be just like you. That poor little girl. Why are you being so awful? You don’t have to love her as much as your grandson, you just have to stop being shitty.
I’m confused … Do Daniel & his partner have parents? Do their parents have a relationship with Kai? Why are they so insistent that you be involved in this baby’s life?
Do y’all just ignore the baby & partner when they all visit together? You keep saying Daniels’s daughter … the baby is also Kai’s sister. How does he feel about this situation?
You’re allowed to choose who you want in your life. Your choice to exclude others may have negative consequences in the future though.
NAH – I’m very sorry for your loss. This is a challenging situation. I hope the adults can work it out in a way that works for everyone. Children can never have too many people who love & care about them.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I would say NTA. Obviously you are grieving.
However I have some questions:
You say that Kai is your family because he is biologically related to you. But isn’t your son in law also your family? He is the father of your grandchild. He was the husband of your daughter.
I would guess that he sees (or at least saw) you as family. His new wife and child are also now part of his family. They are definitely part of Kai’s family.
What you are doing is saying he never really was part of your family. That is very hurtful. And it will hurt your relationship with your grandson in the long run. It could also hurt the relationship Kai will have with his new sibling.
Kai’s sister will be a huge part of his life. Why wouldn’t you want a relationship with someone who has such an important role in his life? That’s your grandson’s family.
This is so bizarre. You’re NTA of course but this story / behaviour is just absurd.
What’s your financial situation? Is there any reason along those lines that he wants you to bond with his new child? Did you meet his new partner?
I just cannot imagine any woman who would want her newborn child to spend time at her partner‘s dead wife‘s parents! Gives me creeps tbh.
You guys must be super duper financially comfortable for your ex son in law to be this pushy about you guys claiming his new kid as your grandchild.
And It’s very telling that Kai doesn’t want them included when he visits you.
Poor kid must be getting so much shit at home.
All you can do is be there for him.
Make sure whatever will you leave him is in a trust his father can’t get his greedy little hands on.
I am very sorry for your loss.
NTA
NTA for the way you are feeling and I’m so sorry for your loss but how would you feel if Daniel’s new wife’s parents made Kai feel like he wasn’t welcome in their family because he isn’t their grandchild? If he expressed to you that he doesn’t feel like they love him or he isn’t good enough because they are loving to his sister (and any possible future siblings) but they nice and only tolerate him?
NTA. That’s a weird thing for Daniel to keep pushing.
Like I saw someone else ask and say, where are Daniel’s and/or the new partner’s parents? Maybe they’re hoping you’ll give or provide for his other children as well.
It’s not too weird of an ask if you were close with Daniel, but once you expressed how you felt, Daniel’s reaction and persistence was weird, and also kind of inappropriate.
You are not assholes. I think everything happened so quickly and you guys just want to love and cherish the only thing your daughter left in this world. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to share that with another women and a baby that you don’t really know. I truly think that is a very short time to just expect you to embrace his new family like everything is normal. You are not bad people and I can barely try to put myself in your shoes. The new baby also has 2 sets of grandparents for now and I think your son in law is pushing this too much. While I agree that when the baby grows she might resent her brother for having this relationship with you.. I think with time you will spend time with all his family but it has to come naturally, not because you have an obligation, wich you don’t. If you decide to never engage with all the family its also fine, but you have to think your grandson will always be stuck in the middle and its not fair for him.
NTA perhaps in the future Kai might want his sister to visit with him but until he expresses that desire himself, you’re totally in your right to want to see him alone.
I have a half-sister. But the only grandparents we share are on our father’s side. She doesn’t have a relationship with my mother or my mother’s side of the family, and while I have a relationship with her mother (since her mother is my stepmother), I don’t have one with my stepmother’s relatives. And that’s perfectly fine with everyone involved. I’m not biologically related to them, so I’m not their responsibility.
I wonder how real this is….the other grandparents are the new babies family. Why is the new baby Amy’s parents responsibly to.
NTA. And I’m wondering what the new partner thinks of this. Sounds like this is all coming from Daniel. Is he trying to lay the ground work for money for his other kid/s? Baby sitters? Or is this his own grief messing up his emotions and thoughts?
Anyway, in the great scheme of things it doesn’t matter. The new partner is not your daughter, the new baby is not your grandkid. You lost your daughter and Kai lost his mum, you are each others links to her. I hope you, your husband and Kai can help each other heal.
Document all the communication and be prepared to go the legal way just in case.
Kai ia your grandkid. His half sister isn’t related to you. The half sister has their own sets of grandparents.
sooo much feverish downvoting on this thread!
Nah Daniel is with someone else because your daughter died not because of divorce or cheating our family members welcomed in the half/ step kids etc as part of the family package it is kais sibling too maybe it’s easier to blend a family if other family members don’t treat people drastically differently
Kai sees you not liking or ignoring his sibling he is too young to understand why
NTA!! Does his new baby not have other grandparents? Even if it doesn’t, that’s not your responsibility. Your grandson may have extra grandparents, but he has lost his only mummy 🙁
You should take Daniel to court for grandparents’ rights to establish boundaries and regular visitation. This will help ensure you can spend one on one time with your grandson, have overnight sleepovers and take him on trips, family vacations, and family reunions without having to deal with interference from your ex-SIL. You can try to set firm boundaries be refusing to let anyone else but your grandson into your home, but Daniel may push back without a court order in place.
Yes, YATAH. An entitled asshole. I would cut you out for your behavior. Kai has a sister, and he loves her and you are discriminating against her out of purely selfish reasons. If you can’t be a grandparent to both kids you can’t be one to only one.
It’s literally been 2yrs & this man has met someone & fathered a child… Since their daughter’s passing. OP literally doesn’t know these people. It would be one thing to give them time to build a bond, but Kai ‘s dad is forcing it.
NTA.
For everyone who says NYA, what if the new wife when ‘Na, Kai’s not MY kid, so I don’t want a relationship with him’. Would she also be NTA?
NTA, he isn’t your child. He was only the spouse of your child who unfortunately isn’t around anymore so his son being your only grandchild is the only blood tie you got to any of them. The fact he moved on so quickly though is a bit concerning in my opinion. I know some people move on faster then others…but it looks more like he’s rushing into something and trying to replace your daughter and grandchild with the new family and thats not a good look especially if he didn’t grieve properly. Take care of Kai and only him as you wish. Never feel like the AH.
Edit: fixed Kai from Kei
NTA and op ignore guilt tripping comments. Who are saying you are drawing a wedge! Reddit loves to guilt trip people over random kids.
It is very clear that you aren’t related to your late daughter’s husband’s new wife. So why would you have a relationship with some stranger’s child? You have bond with your grandson. It is not like that you are a step grandparent. Tomorrow they will say leave the house to their daughter or future children too equally , on same terms with your grandson. Give same amount of inheritance. It will never stop. Give an inch, they will want everything.
Fight for ur rights. Better way to stay in touch with grandson. Otherwise blackmailing will never stop
Set up a trust for Kai and make sure you document everything. Daniel probably wants you to pay for his daughter’s college etc. Or house down payments for all of them. You are right and the new wife should be delighted she has the help with her stepson. Just stick to your own sense of things, which is correct. Polite but don’t budge. NTA
What is Daniel’s new wife’s position?
Because it sounds like a typical Brothers Grimm tale/Disney evil stepmother situation: all material and emotional assets are captured for the new wife’s progeny.
I am sorry for your loss, and it is nice that Daniel has been able to get back on track with life, but the new child already has two families. It is unreasonable to force you to be additional grandparents to a child that you are not related to.
You can be sure that Daniel will also ask you to set the same amount of money for his new child as you would do for Kai.
It doesn’t work that way. NTA.
NTA, is this a money grab? Is he hopping you will help finance his other child?
YTA. It’s asshole move to treat kids differently. It’s just plainly rude to not show to a babyshower or not buy a gift for a new baby. He’s still your son in law, you are his relatives, of course he’s upset. Would you on purpose ignore a child of your other relatives? Sounds like you are mad that Daniel remarried.
There is an old expression that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Rather than try to foster any affection you might have had for your former SIL, he turned that relationship antagonistic.
If his children feel bad, it is his own fault. You are not his family, and you are not their family. You are Kai’s family through Amy. It is not personal unless he makes them feel that way.
Nta
NTA
Where are Daniel and his new wife’s parents? If he thinks you’re unfair to Amy, remind him that she has both her parents and Kai doesn’t. Kai needs you in a way Amy won’t, specially if she already has her grandparents around.
I saw someone giving advice about putting money in a trust for Kai and writing a testamente, please do, because I can absolutely see Daniel taking money from Kai towards Amy, because he thinks that too is unfair.
I know this is difficult but this new baby is Related to Your grandson and is innocent in all this! You could still have Special time with Your grandson but maybe include her in some activities and have a relationship with her as a family friend?
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NTA.
Their daughter has her own grandparents, his and his partners parents. If they are gone or they don’t have relationships with them that’s sad for their daughter, but it’s not your problem.
Kai is your family, this new woman and her child aren’t. You don’t owe them anything. Their daughter and any future children won’t feel sad about Kai having you unless they feed them the idea that they are supposed to. A quick explanation should be more than enough, Kai had a different Mommy so he has another family separate to theirs.
If I were you I’d be concerned about what else they will do. Are they going to explain to daughter that her Mom isn’t Kai’s Mom? Or are they trying to force your grandson to accept her as a “replacement” Mom instead of a stepmom? Will they demand Kai calls the new partner Mom, even if he doesn’t want to? Will they kick off if Kai refers to the baby as his half sister?
Blended families can be wonderful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the terms step parent and half sibling, because that is factual. It’s the love and relationships that matter.
I honestly think you should get a lawyer. This is only going to get worse. Go to court for grandparents rights & get a firm plan in place for visits. Make sure it’s stipulated that the visits are for Kai only. See if you can get one of those parenting app things for communication so that you can mute or block them everywhere else. Start documenting everything. Record your calls with them. Install cameras in your home.
NTA i would take a preemptive measure of getting a visitation schedule for Kai. Daniel seems a bit off to expect you to still view him as your son (in law) and expect that the dynamic would stay the same as before your daughter passed.
(((Hugs))) I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand the pain of losing an adult child.
Soft YTA for not realizing that your son in law is coming to grips with the fact that you all aren’t actually his family in any way, you were only your daughter’s family and his’ sons’s family. It seems like he’s grieving the loss of not only your daughter but you all as parent figures.
You’d really be TA if you took him to court for grandparents rights
Updateme
NTA. But Daniel is! Daniel has his own parents and family. His daughter is the granddaughter to his parents and the parents of his new wife. He is acting like he and his new wife are both orphans and his daughter has no grandparents and extended family. Daniel is a control freak.
NTA. This situation is very common in blended families. It happened in my family. My brother and I have different fathers and I would spend time with him and his parents. Everyone survived. Sounds like Daniel and his wife want some kid free time. Where are his and his wife’s parents in all of this?
Idk I’m torn. On the one hand, it’s not right for Daniel to be trying to force a relationship between you and his daughter, but on the other hand this is a child and your grandchild’s sibling who he likely loves very much. Both children will grow up knowing you favor one over the other because kids are smart and pick up on more than we realize. There will be signs, whether intentional or not. That only hurts the children, not the people who are supposed to be adults. I think it wouldn’t hurt to be a little more accepting of this innocent child. But I also don’t think a child as young as his daughter should be having any sleepovers whether it’s with a grandparent or not. That’s odd that they’re pushing so hard, or is Daniel’s partner even involved in this? As a mother, I wouldn’t have sent my son to his grandparents for a sleepover at that age.
Just as Daniel’s wife and daughter are not entitled to a relationship with you, you are neither legally nor morally entitled to a relationship with Kai. Daniel as his parent controls that. Sure you could try to go to court for grandparent’s visitation but the simple fact is that you would have to prove that Kai is being harmed, not just “I feel bad and he feels bad” but actual harm, by not having visitation with you. That’s a long shot and it will take a very long time and cost you and Daniel a ton of money and ultimately that financial drain and emotional cost will itself cause harm on Kai. And even if you win, Daniel’s lawyer may put in that you have visitation with both children and treat them equally.
You can complain about how unfair it is, but it doesn’t change the rules that your relationship with Kai will be dictated by Daniel.
nta
NTA
Op, let your self off the hook, not having grandparents for his daughter is a problem he created for himself.
It’s sad that his daughter won’t grow up with grandparents like Kai, but lots of kids don’t have grandparents and they are fine.
But instead of just loving and taking care of his kids he’s created this situation where people who aren’t willing to be surrogate grandparents are treated like the bad guys when they just want to love their grandchild.
Op, you may want to check with your lawyer about the grandparents rights anyway and be prepared, you never know when he’ll change his mind.
Also just check with the lawyer about secure Kai’s future inheritance, so that things left to Kai stay with just Kai. Reddit is full of post about parents trying to take houses and college funds meant for a kid to split with somone it was not intended for.
Gentle ESH.
Whilst it’s true that you aren’t the baby’s grandparents, I do think you could have bought a present for the baby amd/or the mother after the birth. You are related to the baby, because he’s your grandson’s half-sister. Your grandson shares half his DNA, and most of his free time, with this baby.
If it was in your shoes, I would be pleasant towards the baby and the new mother, since she is now in the mother role for your grandson, and she and Daniel have the power to make life awkward for you and your relationship with Kai. So behaving nicely towards them costs nothing, but is likely to get you more time with Kai, and smoother relationships all round.
Many grandparents accept their child’s stepchildren as their own grandchildren, and treat them the same. This is a tiny bit different, but the gist is still the same: that there’s a baby you’re not genetically related to, but who occupies a similar position to that of your grandchild. She might be a delightful little girl whom you’re happy to have in your life.
Daniel is being a bit weird and pushy to insist that you are the baby’s grandparents, but it sounds like he is doing it because he wants to keep the pair of you firmly within his family: count your blessings, as many men in his situation would be trying to push you out of his (and Kai’s) life for good.
Hello.
I don’t know if you are an ah or not for this, but if I were the parent, I would stop calling and inviting you to things. You’re either still part of the family or you are not. You are currently being welcomed in, but if you start making distinctions between the kids, I would cut you off before the kids noticed. I’d be the asshole for my kids.
NTA and I feel sorry for this poor kid because it’s fucked up that in under two years after his mother suddenly died, his father moved in a new woman and made another kid. Some single parents really don’t give a shit how their relationships affect their kids and will just rush right into it.
Soft YTAH. I get it, really I do. Your SIL should not be bulldozing you as he is. But in reality you should be welcoming to this baby for Kai’s sake. This is his half sister who he lives with. As they grow up they will notice the difference you place on them and it will affect them. It is absolutely ok for you to do special things with just Kai when the baby is little and even after that. However, it will not be ok to disregard her as both kids get older.
I don’t see why you would need to go to the hospital after the birth though. I would have thought a visit when mom and baby are home and settled would have been fine. You need model compassion and acceptance for Kai.
I wonder how Kai’s step grandparents treat him?
I am not sure anyone is TA here.
Whilst I would financially protect yourself, it seems as though Daniel is having a hard time processing his grief.
It sounds like he is not just grieving the loss of his partner, but potentially feeling the loss of what he envisaged his family might look like in the future. He may have seen you both as surrogate parents and maybe wants you to see him as a son more than a son in law.
Seems like he is trying to keep a bunch of things the same and not really articulating why that is important to him.
Even though I see your point, I also think that for the sake of your grandson and your daughters memory you might have been softer in your approach, and perhaps considered a middle point between his denial and not acknowledging your grandchild’s sibling.
One of my friends has kids with two different guys. One of the sweetest things her ex did, was have their daughter over, together with her younger half sibling occasionally to help out my friend with babysitting. The girls had wanted to hang out together, and to me it was a beautiful show of an extended and blended family. The friendship between my friend and her ex meant that their daughter never felt like there was a tight if war between her two separated parents.
NTA because he is not your son.
His parents and his new partner’s parents are the new child’s grandparents. Not you.
I have a feeling this is part of him having trouble coping with your daughter passing.
He wants it all to stay the same.
He might’ve even jumped into this new relationship to help accomplish that feeling that nothing has changed and he hasn’t suffered a great loss.
You must have money which is why Daniel is trying to force his new daughter on to you 🥴🫣 it’s common sense you wouldn’t consider the child he had with someone else not your kin. Also does Daniel not have living parents? Does his new wife not have living parents who are legally that girl’s grandparents? 🤔🤔🤔🤔
YTA. Daniel still sees you as his MIL, despite his wife being gone. He considers you family & believes you should see his child as family as well. It sucks that you don’t feel the same way about him.
Where are his current partner’s parents????
If you have to stomach to go pickup a child at home, leave his brother there, and ignore his family…. maybe you should not be part of the child life.
NTA. The guy is acting as if he’s insane. He should be ashamed for causing you more stress by putting you in this situation.
Daniel is being insensitive and selfish. The parents (OP) lost their beloved daughter Amy. It is one of the MOST painful things for parents – to lose their child.
Why is Daniel forcing some new woman & her baby on grieving parents? Is he trying to replace Amy? Well it looks like he successfully did, and is upset that Amy’s PARENTS don’t want to replace Amy just like him.
Daniel should get some common sense, be less selfish, and focus on being a good father to both children. Otherwise, the family will break even further and children will suffer even more.
New baby already has grandparents – Daniel’s parents and new wife’s parents. It would be interesting to know how new wife’s parents treat Kai.
NTA, but I can see why he’d want his daughter to have you in her life. It’s natural when he sees how lucky Kai is to have you that he wants the same for his daughter. He’s wring for pushing it though and should respect your decision.
Im going to go against the flow here and say ESH
While his daughter is not your granddaughter, she still is a sibling to Kai and a permanent fixture in his life, and avoiding her is just going to be impossible. I’m not saying you should always get the both of them together, and you’re entitled to some alone time with Kai, but your inflexibility might be confusing in a time where he would need stability…
Father sucks obviously for trying to force onto you a relationship for which you’re clearly not ready.
I understand it’s tough dealing with your own grief, and cannot imagine the hardships you’ve probably gone through during these ordeals, but you should put Kai’s needs for a stable, loving and united family first to help him deal with what can only be described as the worst tragedy that could happen to a young child
Yes
NTA. It’s not your job to fill in for his parents or his new partner’s parents, and play grandparents to kids who are not related to you–only related to your son. You are only grandparents to the children shared between him and your daughter–biological or adopted. I understand, he wants some semblace of the family ties he had when your daughter was still alive–but he’s essentially asking you to treat his new partner like she’s your daughter, and his new partner’s childrem like they’re your daughter’s children, and honestly that’s just cruel because your daughter is gone.
NTA – Do Daniel and his partner not have parents of their own?
ETA – 99% of problems I see here regarding blended families happens when relationships are forced. Daniel is trying to force his new family onto you, and poor Kai is going to get stuck in the middle.
It sounds like Daniel may try to make Kai feel guilty for wanting to spend time away from his new family.
Nta
NTA. You’re correct that his new partner isn’t your daughter, and therefore, his new child isn’t your grandchild. Does it suck that their child doesn’t have much family? Yes. Is that your role to fill? Nope. His actions could possibly push his son away as he’s older.
NTA. You lost your daughter, and your ex SIL only cares about himself.
NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss. Where are Daniel and his new wife’s parents?
It’s rather unusual that they are pushing for you to include a baby when you visit Kai. Or want you to take an unrelated baby for a sleepover. As time goes, their maturity levels are so different, the kids won’t be interested in the same things.
Maybe they just want a free babysitter for the baby? The only reason their future kids would think it’s unfair is if their parents brainwash them into thinking that they need to do everything with a half-sibling that’s 8+ years older than them.
Who the hell insists on an overnight for a less-than-two-month-old baby? Is this just a plot to get you to babysit so be and his wife can be unencumbered?
Anyway, stop entertaining his stroppy attitude. The kids’ circumstances are different. Dan is not your son.
If a million reddit posts can be believed, be prepared to see Dan try to erase your daughter from Kai’s life and substitute his wife as Kai’s real mom (does more for him, has known him longer, etc etc bullshit).