I am 28f married to my husband 29m for four years now. We met in college and fell in love quickly. We completed our studies at 21 and started working in same city.
When we started working, we lived together and travelled every year outside the country. Gifted our parents trip. Saved money, lived on one salary and took responsible decisions.
Finally we purchased a house last year , to start a family soon and we just recently came from an overseas trip. I posted those pics on insta and wrote dink ( dual income no kid ) couple as captions. Post went viral out of nowhere. Now we are getting offered a sponsor trip to some good places. Which we plan to take.
I have a cousin Maria 32 f, who got married at 22 and has three children. Her husband makes a decent living. But she is a SAHM mom and her husband has to save for them and their kids. So they live tightly. No overseas trips etc.
So we were sitting and another cousin asked about the trip and everyone joined in to talk about places. So I was just talking about how beautiful greece was. Then Maria got pissed and said, it is easy to travel with money , when u don’t have kids at near 30. She said I shouldn’t post such things on insta. While living a life without children and purpose( excuse me ? ).
That I live the life of an unmarried woman. I never baby sit children( I don’t do it for extended family , as it’s my call to make. I won’t expect the same for my children . Though i look after my siblings’s kids, when required ). And my bio clock is ticking.
I told her it is my choice to stay childless and not everyone wants to be a baby making machine in their 20s and give up life for children. I told her I am 28. Not in my 30s. She started crying and the whole mood was soured. But it wasn’t the first time she had taunted me and I had enough.
Now some of my cousins are asking to apologise that she is depressed etc. But i refused. Her husband called me an a**hole in that chat.
I feel a little sad for taunting her, but at the same time I don’t think I should apologise for giving her back. Am i ah?
Edit. She implied indirectly in my local language that I might be infertile. Which is a line crossed too far
Comments
🤣🤣yes YTA but you already know this
NTA she shouldn’t dish it out to others if she can’t handle when it comes back. It’s not the first time she’s done it. I’d only apologize if she did first.
Hell no! She started it and literally said your life has no purpose. I think that warrants a clap back.
Sorry edit, forgot – NTA for even a second lol
NTA. You didn’t rub it in, you posted your life on your own feed. If she doesn’t like it, she can mute you. That’s not your problem
no, you’re not an ah. you were standing up for yourself after being judged. it’s your life, your choice. you don’t need to apologize for living differently.
NTA.
She started it and is just mad that she got called out. Also, she made the choice to have kids in her twenties. She doesn’t get to give you shit for choosing something different.
Also posting stuff on your feed isn’t rubbing it in. Sounds like she needs to get off insta if seeing other people’s lives bothers her so much.
Oh no my living situation isnt as good as someone elses guess im ok to lash out NTA
NTA. She came for you first. Like, you were just sharing your pics and talking about a trip, not telling her to ditch her kids and book a flight. She made it personal and shamed your whole lifestyle. You clapped back, and yeah maybe it stung, but that’s on her. Don’t dish it if u can’t take it
Damn nta at all
she came at you first, called ur life meaningless?? like wtf?? just cause you aint got kids doesnt mean u got no purpose. some ppl rlly cant handle seeing others happy
NTA. Is it easier to travel when you don’t have kids? Yes it is! But when Maria said you shouldn’t post about your life, said it is a life without purpose, and said your marriage is without purpose, too??? I mean, you had every right. Those are some pretty ugly personal attacks on you that were completely unprovoked.
Her husband is taking the easy way out to blame you, rather than sitting with his wife to figure out what went wrong in their marriage.
His wife is depressed, lashing out, crying in public, feeling overwhelmed with her life, and deeply unfulfilled. He needs to look at why. How did the division of labor in their marriage leave her so out of balance? How are her needs going so badly unmet for so long? Why is there not enough money for them to take a trip? Why is there no room in her life to pursue anything meaningful to her? Maria, and anyone else in your family who is sorry for her, needs to work on Maria, not on you.
Nta. Sounds like she needs to lay off social media and focus on her life. I’m off social media for those reasons, especially since I’m a sahm. No need for those negative comments. Sounds very bitter and jealous
Some (not all) people with kids seem to take the fact that those of us without kids have more disposable income AND time as some kind of personal affront to their own choices.
I ignore it or shoot it down.
Not everyone needs kids to have a purpose in life, or to feel unconditional love, or to feel fully happy, or to have family around in one’s old age (these are just some of the reasons I’ve been told).
And frankly, you didn’t TAUNT her, you were asked about your trip and responded.
Reddit readers are harsh. This is an important relationship. You have done nothing wrong, but relationships should include compassion – try and understand her jealousy.
NTA. You didn’t rub anything in, and she doesn’t get to decide what you post on your SM!!! She attacked you first, calling your life without purpose!? And this isn’t the first time, so she needed to hear what you said to her!!!!
I would never do that because I’m an adult. I think you crossed the line.
My wife and I have no kids and we love to travel. I would never post dink on social media travel pics. I would be embarrassed if my wife did. The obvious meaning is that you afforded the trip because you have no kids. I just don’t see the point in posting that. Don’t know why you go so butt hurt by her comments. Imagine someone posting a family vacation with their kids and pointing out that they are so rich they afforded a big trip even with kids. It’s the same thing to me. Just saying look at us with money. So tacky.
No one hates women more than other women. Calling her a baby making machine that gave up her life. How cruel.
You’re a little bit the AH. Not the AH for the posts, etc. But you crossed a line when you said this: “I told her it is my choice to stay childless and not everyone wants to be a baby making machine in their 20s and give up life for children.” Why? Always be sensitive around fertility. Just because someone has kids, doesn’t mean they didn’t have challenges, and that can be heartbreaking and triggering. Second, she’s got three little kids. She’s probably not able to take a shower every day and in mired in chicken nugget land. Calling her a “baby making machine” is really unkind. Those two are yours to own and you should apologize for them. Sorry OP.
NTA at all. She came for you first. You just defended yourself. She’s projecting her own regrets or frustrations onto you and that’s not fair. Just because she made different life choices doesn’t mean yours are wrong
Maybe your cousins need to help babysit her since they want to get involved with everything. She seems like she is unhappy with her life and is looking to take it out on somebody else that has the kind of life that she wants.
NTA
She should get a job or husband two jobs
The envy is showing
I’m of a different mind. Your cousin was sitting in a room full of people having an exciting conversation that excluded her.. It had to get old. Did she approach it the right way? No. Did you make it worse? Definitely.
Have you ever talked to her about her life? Maybe she wasn’t excited about her choices but can’t or won’t say anything her kids might learn about. She can’t change the past. She’s obviously hurting. You can rub salt into the wound, or you can be kind. What did you choose?
NTA. If she doesn’t like what she sees, then she can just filter her feed. You are just sharing your life on your social media, and it doesn’t sound like you are faking the good times like a lot of people.
NTA but OP sounds insufferable.
Bragging, humble bragging , or rubbing someone’s nose in a situation is distasteful.
OP’s cousin in hypersensitive too . We can all listen to tales of what someone else has done without taking it personally.
NTA
Nobody put a gun to your cousins head and forced her to leave the work force and pop out kids before her brain was even done developing. Her decisions lead to her consequences, none of it involved you.
NTA “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I think your cousin is a little sad at her choices.
Why do people socialise with others they dislike? I have cousins who would disagree with me on most basic principles. Haven’t seen them in years.
NTA I’m sorry she bought the lie that children automatically make you feel fulfilled, but that’s not how life works. Doing it for petty reasons isn’t great for your soul, but you can manage that as needed.
That being said, this pendulum does swing back and you will get the opportunity to feel regret and some of those people may very well be there and have the support you are wishing for. Remember then, if they are spikey with you, that you enjoyed their pain a but when the tables were set the other way.
(also just tell her to wait, in a decade she is going to have travel partners custom made, sincerely)
NTA- cousins bitterness over her own life choices is her problem. Not yours. You weren’t even rubbing it in her face. You’re just sharing what’s relevant to your life and she’s jealous she isn’t getting fulfilled by her choices. Some people are strictly homebodies and feel completely content raising kids and not seeing the world. We all make gambles on how happy our choices will make us. She just didn’t get the same level of payoff you did.
lol and she should what…? Not post her kids online because people in your family that might want kids might be hurt? I don’t get her mindset, it seems stemmed from jealousy maybe. Everyone lives a different life, and it’s okay to be proud of whatever life you live.
I do think by posting “dual income no kids” as a caption you DO invite people to say “yeah it’s easy to travel with money and no kids” though. Because yeah duh lol you shouldn’t get upset over those facts though. It doesn’t mean your lifestyle means less, it just means it’s EASIER to live that life. It’s facts though for sure. So you will most likely get some people talking about that with a viral post where many different people will see it and have an Opinion on your life
I totally traveled over seas and took vacations WITH my kids in my 20’s. We traveled allll over the US and outside a bit too. It was so fun since we both were remotely working and only a few hours a day.
It’s doable but she is right that it’s wildly more expensive lol
I think yall both need a little attitude adjustment and to act nicer to each other though
Tell your cousins husband to stick it in an asshole and maybe they wouldn’t have more accidental kids.
You should apologize “I’m sorry I highlighted your regret of having children.”
NTA.
NTA, you are not taunting her. You are just living your life. Sucks she does not like her decisions.
I think YATAH, I only say this because you rubbed it in, otherwise they are the asshole, you shouldn’t be expected to lower you standard of living because they are jealous but you also shouldn’t stoop. It is not a good look. Keep doing you, but don’t have that attitude otherwise you may consequently burn bridges.
It’s completely possible that your life will implode and she’ll be the one with the enviable life. She should know this. Her kids will be grown, they’ll be traveling, and you’ll have PTSA meetings and memories of traveling without kids. You could be peaking right now. Nobody knows.
(Lucky her for no mortgage.)
YNTA. Life is.
She made her choices and you made yours. That’s life.
Uh, no.. NTA I was a single mom for years and made a lot less money than some of my friends. They went on all kinds of trips, and its awesome. Their kids are a bit older than mine, so they weren’t providing for them and got to travel. I love it when people are living life to the fullest. She is jealous and bitter because of her own choices. She can gtfo.
Yta stupid fake story
NTA
She is jealous of you. Of course she’s going to refer to it as taunting because she’s so blinded by jealousy she can’t see straight.
NTA. It’s your life, live it as you want.
Manipulation, pure and simple. She wants you to shrink so she can feel more comfortable about the choices she’s made.
BTA and OP is proving that she’s a little bit TA in the comments. “I don’t babysit my nieces and nephews unless required?” You’ll do a lot of growing in your 30s and this post will be, as the kids say today, cringe. Don’t go to the internet for confirmation of your behavior, you and the cousin are both wrong. You can hold boundaries and draw a line in the sand without being TA
Yta even if you think someone else was an asshole you’re still one too.
When I get this sort of crap, I ask the person if they’re saying they’d give up their kids to have my lifestyle? Or that she should never mention her kids in case it’d upsetting to infertile little me?
She chose her lifestyle, she doesn’t get to give you grief over hers.
Definitely T AH
The only people who give the childfree a hard time, are the people who regret their reproductive choices.
NTA.
Cousin probably IS depressed. But that’s not a free ticket to pee on everyone else’s happiness. “Baby making machine” was a little rough, but so was “living a life without children and purpose.”
I normally don’t love the idea of matching other people’s BS. But in this case, I think it was warranted. Some people desperately want to have kids, can’t, and just try to make the best of the cards they were dealt. They don’t always share that. “living a life without children and purpose” can be absolutely devastating for those people to hear. That’s why it’s something that should never be said, to anyone, ever.
No don’t apologise she upset you she should apologise, it’s not your fault she had three kids and decided to give up work it’s all her fault.
Your NTA
ESH
Well, having multiple babies in your 20s is one way to miss out on some fun things – but that was her choice, and you made your choices. Sounds like she’s unhappy and rather than talking about it with her husband, she’s going the misogyny route and taking it out on women she is clearly jealous of. Next time it comes up, tell her to stop listening to JD Vance – childless cat ladies are exponentially happier than SAHMs.
Nta, she could literally just unfollow you if she didn’t want to see it.
I fully expected from your title you’d be wrong but nope, NTA. We all make our own choices. My husband and I did the same and I had our first child at 32, then our twins at 34. I am now a SAHM because my husband is in a high position at a large company and it allows us that luxury and the ability to vacation with our children or without and live a very good life. You and your husband have done the same and sharing your photos isn’t throwing it in her face, it’s her jealousy and the depression she’s dealing with making her assume it’s personal.
I don’t think you need to apologize necessarily because you were equally unkind to one another, but if it’s going to cause a huge rift I think maybe sitting down and telling her that it seems like she’s carrying some really heavy emotional weight and that your sharing your life isn’t something you do to intentional make her feel like she’s any less. That you hate that there seems to be so much built up animosity and maybe it’s best if she unfollows you or if she’d like you to hide those posts from her while she works through what is going on. Being a SAHM can be lonely for a lot of women and it sounds like it’s very difficult for her because of the immense sacrifices they make for her to be able to do so.
I think there’s a lot more to this story than you’re being told.
My sister is the exact same way. Had her first at 16, then her second at 28. Made bad decision after bad decision. Gets mad at my wife and I (DINKs) for ‘doing whatever the fuck we want.’ Like, yes stupid. When you delay gratification, you get better rewards.
Jealousy is a bitter pill to swallow
This is awful. As someone who would love to have a baby, I would feel terrible if a fertile Myrtle made me feel like my life had no purpose without children.
That being said, we will continue to fly first class and travel the world until it happens for us 🩷 and YES we will post it all over socials when we get back!!
NTA. She made her life choices and you made yours. You have nothing to feel bad about it.
I too have no children and when I get to do whatever I want, mothers always say to me “must be nice” in a condescending way. I always respond with “it’s super nice”! Never let anyone try to make you feel guilty for living your best life.
honestly, I would block her – save you the stress of her bickering about your posts?
she baited you with “you shouldn’t post that on insta” – well where the heck would you post about trips and holidays 😀
NTA
NTA
Lifestyles are choices, and it looks like the cousin regrets her choice right now.
Perhaps around the holidays, you can point out the lonelier points of not having kids around, just to show it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Maybe even point out that if you do choose to have kids, they won’t reach the “independent phase” until you are approaching your 60’s, while she will be in her 40’s and can start splurging then..
NTA.
How were you taunting her?! She has main character syndrome.
She clearly regrets her life choices, why should that be your problem?
NTA. Just block her from your socials and she won’t know what you are doing from now on
Nta. You and your husband made the choice to postpone when you started having children and planned your lives around enjoying your 20’s. I did the same thing with my husband and had my first baby at 28 and my last at 31. These are normal responsible choices that you made for yourself and maybe if you’re cousin had thought about for a bit longer she wouldn’t feel so jealous and insecure about the choices that you are making.
Nta dink isn’t a lifetime commitment unless you want it to be and dink at 28 doesn’t mean you will be a dink your whole lives.
NTA
me: DINK (infertility made that choice for us), owns a home with partner, travels 1-2 times a year, gets to take long walks in the evening, doesn’t live a life dictated by children’s schedules, OBSESSED with my dogs, gets monthly manicures & massages when I can… Happy, even though life looks different than planned.
my youngest sister: currently in labor w/ her 7th baby, SAHM, has a farm, has ZERO money to travel or any luxuries, drives an old beat up suburban with broken A/C… Living her best life, also happy.
Imagine how great life is when two family members who live drastically different lives can be happy and support one another. Your cousin sounds bitter & jealous.
In my experience, the people that get on their high horse about how having kids is the only real purpose in life are the ones who actually hate being parents. Like, the resentment just emanates from them. NTA. People like this, who think they can say whatever they want and no one’s allowed to respond negatively, need to be humbled.
NTAH. Tell her husband that if your choices are being an asshole or being a punching bag for issues that have nothing to do with you, you’ll pick asshole every time.
If I were you, I would also add she wouldn’t be so upset at you just existing if he were a better husband and provider. But then I’m not a nice person
Nta – I’m an extremely jealous person and it’s up to me to handle my feelings and emotions.
I test this because my MOM shoves her successes in my face, so it’s quite a nasty battle to fight.
But I also have a really nice friend that does a lot of travelling and I love, absolutely adore, her postings and her fun. I’ve never once called either of these people out on their lifestyles, even when at my worst.
Her feelings broke out and it seems she’s got a lot going on. None of that is your fault, she’s missing out. She needs better direction and to work on her feelings. And now you know not to talk to her as the mood spoils and again, that is not your fault at all. Continue living life and having fun, and travelling kids is possible so I’m sure you’ll be doing loads of that.
Enjoy life 🙂
You’re advertising a lifestyle choice on your own family’s page who is living a different lifestyle – you literally have corporate sponsors getting in on your game.
You’re the asshole, for sure. Other people who agree with your lifestyle are certainly going to flock to your defense, but this isn’t much different other than social extremity from posting #straightlife on your gay aunts’ social media.
Edit – Yeah it’s annoying she displayed bitterness in that group talk, but at least that was relatively private. You could have just agreed with her, it IS ‘easy’ and that’s why you made your choices, and ask her to unpack the ‘life without purpose’ part to get her proper uncomfortable with the poop that just fell out of her mouth. Posting on social media is a big escalation for a brief moment of jealousy from family.
My first was a whoops baby at 27. Plan was to wait until after 30, and get career and finances sorted. Had to prioritise the baby over career afterwards. I love my children, and I see how it was a positive thing to take a break when they were in toddlerhood. But I am frustrated it impacted my independenceand career development. However I don’t get being jealous. I tell my sisters and friends to enjoy and build careers first. I would be elated if a family member would sit my children so I can have a drink in peace. I would do that for a friend or family member too. And I always appreciate the way collegues or family cover parents during emergencies. Most mothers I know does. Ppd or whatever they excuse your cousin with doesn’t mean she can belittle you or call you infertile. YNTA. She is, and the rest of the family is.
I would write back (on the same post) to hubby and point out that wife started it by saying your life had no purpose and not respecting your life choices so why should you apologize first.
nta you don’t need to hide your life just because she’s jealous
NTA for sure. It’s the other persons problem.
Some advice from an older guy: Insta sucks and you’re probably doing it for validation. Keep up the travel, you don’t need to post about it (unless it’s funding the free stuff).
NTA. She just doesn’t see that it’s a trade off. You traded the potential family for career and financial security. But you don’t have kids yet. She’s chosen to have kids over career and financial security. (one would argue that having kids is much more valuable than money). None of these options are wrong, it’s just a personal choice. She’s just jealous and wants to have her cake and eat it. Ask her what would she do if she could give up her children and get what you have in return. Would she do it? I bet she wouldn’t.
NTA
Tell her, you will have kids when you can afford them and your lifestyle. Kids are not a sacrifice.
I travel a lot with my wife and we have 2 kids. We leave them at home with the nanny. The judgemental people can all fuck off, I don’t care what others think.
Boo hoo she’s mad at you for the life you are living and pissed it’s not her.
Omg don’t apologize to her. As a mom myself of 3 kids but older than her I’m not gonna tantrum out on my relatives who decided to remain child free and live that lifestyle…..that’s insane. It’s common sense that if you have no kids your income can go towards things like travel and extras so and that’s a choice you make because it’s important to you just like it was important to me to have kids. I have an uncle who is childless and him and his partner are very wealthy and travel more than they are at home but I would never sit there and insult him or tell him he can’t post his pictures because it’s “not fair” because my family can’t travel too…..that’s nonsensical. NTA.
NTA. Your cousin can’t handle social media, I would on their side if you strapped her down to watch like Clockwork Orange.
I’m married, have a kid, and a good lifestyle. I personally avoid posting my life too much online because people making comparisons and assumptions are frustrating. People assume negative and self serving things sometimes, especially when comparing themselves, I imagine your cousin is just envious but isn’t self aware of it.
The only photos I post in IG are from holidays…I’d love for them to score me a free trip somewhere!
NTA, freeze your eggs if you can and live the dink life style as long as you want. When (if) you decide to have kids you’ll be much better off financially and your children will be too. Your cousin will always have something to complain about because they will always be scraping money together to pay for life because they didn’t build a good foundation before reproducing. It’s just a long expensive fafo for them, you don’t need to live less to subsidize their happiness and help them not regret their choices. The only thing you’re doing wrong is how you do your parenthesis.
You made your life choices and she made hers. No one is to say one is better than the other, but she seems to regret hers. Which is her problem, not yours.
Women who have kids young envy the ones that have kids late. The women that have kids late envy the ones who did it early. Most people just want to know what it feels like to be on the other side.
You did good.
Like I use to say: one of the greatest enemies of feminism is the woman herself.
And that’s Maria. It’s not a woman’s duty to have kids.
It’s your choice to have no children at the moment and explore the world. It’s not your choice to live an unhappy life because you can’t travel because of kids.
You’re NTA. It’s childish, silly and maybe even selfish of her to say “don’t post you fun stuff I can’t do because of my kids”.
It’s HER choice to be a stay at home mother.
Don’t feel bad because she hates her life
NtA
Misery loves company, and that’s one lonely bitch
ESH. The envy and entitlement are just about out of control.
Not everyone wants kids, and not everyone who has kids has multiples or becomes a stay at home mom, severely limiting their income.
Everyone makes their choices. If she is unhappy with hers, she csn hardly blame it on you.
YTA. Who the hell posts DINK as a caption on social media? That was clearly a shot at her or your jealousy of others having children when you’re basically almost 30 with none.
NTA. You don’t owe her bitter ass an apology because she wishes she had a different life
YTA for using the term DINK
NTA. She can dish it out but can’t take it. Don’t stop doing what you’re doing. She’s jealous and that’s her problem, not yours.
NTA – if she didn’t start none, there wouldn’t have been none. She has no room to lecture anyone about their life choices just because other people can afford nice things and she can’t.
Why do you care if people think you’re infertile? You don’t want kids anyway
She made different choices in life. And frankly she’s being ridiculous. Would she refuse to post any pictures of her kids? If you told her it upsets you to see pictures of kids when you don’t have any? Of course not.
You were 100% right in the situation and I wouldn’t apologize at all
She’s jealous and unhappy. She should get off of social media.