I (27M) have been dating “Kayla” (29F) for about six months. Things have been great, mostly, she’s fun, ambitious, and we click. But there’s one weird thing: she constantly refers to me as her “future baby daddy.”
It started as a joke, like “That’s my baby daddy right there!” when we’d be out with friends. But now it’s a daily thing. Instagram captions, group chats, even in front of coworkers at my office party. She’ll say things like, “He doesn’t know it yet but I’m gonna put two babies in that man.”
I’ve asked her multiple times to stop. I’m not ready to have kids, and it feels infantilizing and weirdly possessive. She brushes it off saying I’m “too uptight” and it’s just her way of saying she loves me.
So yesterday I snapped when she said it again in front of a bunch of people at brunch. I said, “I’m not your future anything if you can’t respect my boundaries.”
Now she’s calling me controlling and says I embarrassed her. Some friends think I should’ve waited to talk to her in private. But honestly I feel like she made it public first.
AITAH?
Comments
NTA. You are not being controlling. You did not embarrass her she embarrassed herself.
NTA You have spoken with her in private more than enough times and she has ignored each one. Maybe calling her out in front of others will finally get her to stop. If not, it’s time to move on.
So you told her multiple times to stop, she ignored you, and when you lost your temper once, she’s now calling controlling.
I think you might need to break up with her.
I agree it was probably embarrassing for her but I don’t think you’re the AH.
Ugh. NTA but she is. Absolutely no respect for your feelings. Don’t know if the flags could be any redder! I’d advise you to run!
NTA. Once, maybe kind of cute. Twice, eh. But after you said stop, it’s just rude and annoying.
NTA. A good guideline for any ethical question, or morality in general is: would this be okay if it were two different people, or the situation were reverse. For example, if she was a man and you were a woman. How would her behaviour look then?
Exactly, creepy and gross, she‘s trying to dominate you. Make her understand that this is not acceptable and run if she perseveres.
NTAH
This is so trashy. The term baby daddy is so trashy because often that’s the only thing the person is. She needs to stop. But also, do NOT let her be in charge of birth control…
nta
NTA
In what way is that you being controlling? also you have told her in private and she didn’t care so that’s not your problem.
NTA she could try to baby trap you
You’re both assholes.
She’s the asshole for making baby daddy drama public.
You’re the asshole for saying the “I’m not your future anything” in public..
Just an FYI. She is saying that because she likes you. Yet, she is insecure and possessive, and so is marking her territory by telling people and securing her future with you by having kids with you.
You’ll understand one day.
NTA What is she? 17?
NTAH! If it were reversed she would have done the same to you.
Get out now, she is going to baby trap you.
Red alert – She’s telling you what’s going to happen sooner than later!
Provide your own protection.
Use your own protection.
Dispose of your protection.
NTA
Super weird.
YTA … not for your reaction. That’s perfectly fine. YTA for wasting time making this Reddit post when you could have used that time to pack you bags and GTFO.
NTA. Maybe it’s cute the first time, but when you made it clear you didn’t like the term, it was time to let it go. She couldn’t, so you should let HER go.
And I agree with others: “baby daddy” is a trashy term… like the only thing you’re good for is getting her pregnant. Find someone who values your mind more than your genitals.
NTA
Take charge of birth control. You provide condoms and you don’t use anything provided by her. You can go with her to the doctor to get an implant or an iud inserted. Don’t trust if she’s on the pill. Unless you’re ready to be her baby’s daddy. Notice she says nothing about partner.
Make sure you’re using birth control because she’s angling to make the title official. Also, if she’s disrespecting you like this now, how bad will it get later? I’d think hard about what YOU want. NTA
NTA. Dude also run from this JFC how big of a red flag do you need?
People often misunderstand what is and is not a “boundary”. This is a correct example of a boundary you have.
She needs to respect that you don’t wish to be called this. It doesn’t matter if she thinks it’s appropriate or not. You aren’t comfortable being called that. That’s all that matters.
I personally think this phrase is disrespectful as hell and I hate it when people use it. You’re more than a baby making factory.
Run. NTA
You already have talked to her in private and she has ignored your feelings. Rethink the relationship.
Kayla is fucking weird and obviously doesn’t respect even your simplest boundaries, doesn’t sound like a person you need to be with
NTA. Your GF is a psycho and probably trying to get pregnant. You should get out of there while you still can.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. She has consistently ignored your boundaries, she’s embarrassing you and when you finally lost it, she’s turned it on you.
NTA, but since this is only six months into the relationship I would cut my losses. Major red flags.
NTA
I absolutely love how easy it is for her to jump to the automatic buzz word of controlling.
Exactly what part of your statement is “controlling”.
Perhaps saying it in private would have been more appropriate. However, you’ve said it to her in private before and she failed to respect your stance. Her reward was embarrassment. Tough shit for her.
You should take it as a compliment that anyone would want to have your babies. What you did by your reaction was to show who you really are. You are not invested in the relationship and shouldnt be dating at all until you are ready for that type of commitment. Otherwise, you are wasting the girks time and energy.
Classic narcissist behavior of manipulation for her to make herself the victim in this case.
Shes been exerting control – by not respecting your wishes for her to limit her use of that phrase to private.
Shes trying to be controlling by insisting what your future will be – that of producing kids with her (not to speak of what your relationship to each other will be, but of having selfishly produced two mini-mes)
Shes projecting onto you her own behavior, and making herself the victim when you want her to stop her behavior.
In unequal dybamics, when one party is privileged more than the other, removing that privilege feels like becoming less than equal.
So she may not even be aware she is being manipulative in classic narcissist manners.
Nta do you want a partner that disregards your feelings? This situation seems like a big red flag
NTA, but it sounds like you both need to have a chat and understand each other better.
NTA and be sure to use protection if you’re still together. She definitely has baby trapping in mind, regardless of your choices. I hope you’re not still together.
NTA. She isn’t respecting your boundaries. If these conversations were had multiple times in private before you got extremely frustrated, you have communicated it needed to stop.
YTA
You clearly are controlling, she is only telling you that she loves you in her special way.
Or do I need to write what you know already and what everybody else will write.
r/AmITheAngel
Bro. She wants to put the babies…inside you
A little bit. It would have been better to wait and tell her in private. If it was me in her situation, I can feel a divide has been created that it’s hard to come back from.
NTA. You told her you don’t like it and she persists. If this is a deal breaker, dump her and move on. You still have plenty of time to find “the one” that respects your boundaries.
If you stay with her, use protection. Every time. She has plans and I’d bet she wants kids right now and not down the line.
Get out now, before she “accidentally” makes you her baby daddy. And yes, that is super weird.
I raised children. One thing I taught them is that if something you’re doing is upsetting someone else, even if YOU don’t think it’s a big deal, you need to stop doing whatever you’re doing.
That’s the situation here. She thinks this joke is funny. He doesn’t. After he asked her to stop, that should have been the end of it.
Reminds me of this one:
AITA For Asking My Brother To Stop Joking about The Fact That He’s Seen My Wife’s Vagina? : r/AITAH
NTA, she is more than ready to have kids, and seems to not care at all that you are not, be extra careful!
Leave before you become her baby daddy. You already know where this leads.
I might be a bit too oldschool for this but I feel like a good way of showing your love for your partner is not fucking calling them names they didn’t want to be called.
NTA. Love to know how she’d put 2 babies in you! In any case she is wrong.
She is 100% going to baby trap you.
🚩🚩🚩🚩Run.
Where the hell do you find these sorts of people, and why do y’all not just get up and walk away when they do creep shit?
Oh Bro, that is such a big @$$ red flag! What took you so long to finally put her in her place? Run Brother! Just run!
This is just gross. Who the heck says that? It’s not you being controlling, it’s her (by the way this is coming from a woman).
On one hand, there’s no way that saying that she’s going to put babies in that man is anything other than a joke. A pretty obnoxious / cringy one if you ask me, but that’s a matter of taste.
But you are NTA because you did exactly the right and normal adult thing to do, asked her nicely to stop, and for some reason she just doesn’t seem willing to respect your boundaries. It’s true that it’s ideally a conversation to have in private, but since you’ve asked her in private to stop and that didn’t do the trick, an on the spot correction is the clear next step.
You did everything right here, she’s out of line for not dropping it when you asked the first time.
Just let her go. She is going to get pregnant soon so if you are not ready then cut bait.
NTA
Why does this feel like territory marking? OP doesn’t mention her doing it when it’s just the two of them; it sounds as if she only does it when there is an audience. Also, OP says that she tells people she’s ‘going to put two babies in’ him. I don’t even know how that works lol
She sounds really gross 😂😂😂😂😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫 maybe just take some space from her and see if you miss her. If not, she’s not the one
NTA, but probably a future baby daddy if that’s on her mind with no birth control.
NTA you DID ask her privately to stop. Multiple times. She’s disregarded your feelings and disrespected your boundaries. And when you really stood up to her, she blamed you.
I’d be done, honestly. I’ve been seeing someone for about the same amount of time, and would be mortified if either of us talked like that.
NTA. It’s like Kayla’s got you on permanent baby daddy probation, ready to “bust” you at any public moment… That’s some controlling BS right there. If she truly respects your boundaries, she’d respect your lack of readiness for future fatherhood, and the constant reminders are just her way of disrespecting those boundaries.
It’s a crappy situation, OP, but I think it’s pretty clear who the real asshole is in this scenario.
Bro, this girl doesn’t respect you. NTA but what are you doing here?
NTA. She’s immature, insecure and disrespectful of your feelings. I would move on.
NTA. You did talk to her in private and she decided to keep hurting you. It is possessive and strange but much more concerning that she doesn’t care about your feelings. I’d reconsider her current status as well as your future.
NTA, however even though she made it public first doesnt mean you couldnt handle it in private which porbably would have been the better way.
She’s childish – just like her sense of humor
You did embarrass her, you were there and you know you embarrassed her, it was your intent to embarrass her.
What I don’t understand is why you didn’t breakup with her before this? You’ve only been dating 6 months. If this has been bothering you so much, you should’ve broken up with her at three or the first time she crossed your boundaries.
As long as you’re OK breaking up, you’re not the asshole.
Girl took used condom her bf tossed in trash, turned it inside out in bathroom slide it over finger pushed it you know where & ended up pregnant, so that’s why that other guy is saying use protection take protection or flush protection. My ex waited until he was safe in jail to tell shocked me how I got pregnant to keep me around for 18 years. He said go get box of condoms hold up to light a wrapped condom. Which I did. There in light were pinholes in each sentence period dot symbol and top of each letter “i”. Why are did he tell me this now?! Cause he didn’t want some other dude trying this while he was locked up. I thought only girls did this. No. Obviously not. That man died when my son was 7. Be smart you want a woman that loves you whether or not you are able to have children and whether you want children. Loves you for you, not for the child support she expects if you try to bail if you get trapped.
NTA. She doesn’t respect your boundaries and she keeps telling you she’s going to trap you with a baby. It may already be happening. Stop having sex with her, don’t believe anything she says about birth control, and dump her.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
She’s a boundary stomper and you telling her off for disrespecting your boundaries isn’t controlling, it’s standing up for yourself.
She’s not going to baby-trap you, is she?
Either way, her disrespecting you, dismissing your feelings and then trying to portray you as abusive for standing up for yourself are all red flags you don’t want to ignore.
NTA. How would she react if the situation were reversed? The exact same way you’re reacting now. She’s being childish and I’d rethink this “relationship.”
When I read the headline I thought that you were just being sensitive. “Future baby daddy”, “future ex-wife”; just fun little banter. But the fact that it’s become a daily thing? That’s pretty cringe. You asked her to stop and she’s not respecting your wishes as well. u/ncjr591 made a comment about being baby trapped and that thought never occurred to me. Definitely watch out for that.
It’s obnoxious and condescending. You asked her to stop. She blew you off and labeled you controlling.
It’s only been six months. Respect your own boundaries and walk.
I would never be with a woman who refers to me as “baby daddy” whether in public or private. It really trivializes and disrespects the institutions of marriage and fatherhood IMO.
🚨🚨🚨
SHE HAS STOPPED BIRTH CONTROL AND POKED HOLES IN EVERY CONDOM TO WHICH SHE HAS ACCESS! YOU ARE BEING BABY TRAPPED! ESCAPE NOW! RUN! FLEE!
🚨🚨🚨
Also NTA
NTA, you’ve asked her in private several times and she wasn’t listening. She’s not respecting your boundaries. Boundaries aren’t rules for her. They are your boundaries. If she stomps all over them despite repeated requests it is time for you to get out. Because she’ll start disrespecting other boundaries before too long of she hasn’t already. It’d is not controlling. But it is time to get out. Before she actually babytraps you. And un saying this as a woman
She’s gonna trap you man. Make sure she’s not one of those women that uses the baby as an excuse for any and everything
I don’t care what you’ve got between your legs, reducing someone to a sexual function is always, ALWAYS degrading.
NTA.
Info: what are yall races? Only asking because my gf says the same thing to me but we’re both black, so it’s a culture/trendy thing to say for our generation. Oh yea same ages lol just reverse the genders
NTA. If she can’t listen to what you’re saying and your feelings, do you really want to stay with her? This is a small thing that she made much bigger and is blaming you. I’d think about what that will look like in the future and if you want to deal with this situation again and again.
Idk, “future baby daddy” is a little too intense for a joke. It’s not giving “Aww yeah that’s my man!” like she thinks it does.
NTA for the entire situation but a little ah for calling her out in public. Sounds like you two aren’t a great match. Time to end it.
NTA, you tried dealing with it privately, and she kept doing it anyway. I think you stood up for yourself beautifully.
NTA.
You stated you didn’t like that, asked her to stop and she continued. It doesn’t matter your reasoning, she should have respected that…NTA
Jeez, that’s gross. NTA.
NTA. Controlling is one of those buzzwords people misuse constantly. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t mean “won’t let me go my way.”
She’s gonna baby trap you, get tf out. NTA
Her behavior is a red flag. You can work thru this if she respects your boundaries from here out, but she’s revealed some immaturity and selfishness.
NTA. If she’s saying things like that you should think long and hard before sex tho.
basically ? run
NTA. Breakup with her before she baby traps you.
NTA – my face currently 😐
Listen, when someone crosses a boundary after being told to not, that means this is done.
You made a boundary and she crossed it.
End it.
Red flags all over. Get out before you she gets you by the balls.