hiya, thanks for reading. so, my boyfriend joined a band about a year into our relationship, and ever since then it feels like it’s taken over his life. even when we hang out, he’s usually working on flyers, designs, or talking about the band. i barely feel like we get real, focused time together anymore.
i love his band and i love that he’s passionate about it. i just hate that ive been pushed to the back because of it. its not the fact that hes in the band itself, moreso that we never get that true alone time together anymore. i see him and we lay down together, that is it. sometimes we will go shopping or something like that :/ i cant say the last time we’ve went on a date together…
he keeps telling me “it’ll get better soon” or that we’ll do more when things calm down, but that time never really comes. it feels like the goalposts keep moving—first it was after the semester ended, then after his internship for school, now it’s after this next show or project. i’ve been waiting for that “us” time for so long, but his time for the band has remained consistent while ours has lessened. it’s very hard to plan dates or anything like that because he practices every weekday, and my two off days are both on weekdays. friday saturday and sunday are the only days where he’s not practicing for at least 4 hours in the afternoon… but as a college student working in retail i HAVE to be at work on those days.
when i try to bring up how i feel, he says he’s stressed and doing his best, and i end up feeling guilty for being upset. he told me that if i care so much about quality time, i should be the one planning more dates since i “have more free time,” but i already work full-time and am in school. he just graduated and currently his one responsibility is the band stuff.
he says just laying together at the end of the night is enough for him and he always makes me feel bad bc he points out that it’s not enough for me… i feel like an afterthought in his life now, and i’m starting to wonder if he even has space for a relationship. i love him, but i’m tired of feeling like i don’t matter as much.
should i just give up on talking to him about it and ask for space so he can figure out if this relationship is something he can continue to give his energy to?
TLDR; my boyfriend joined a band and it’s taken over most of his time. even when we hang out, he’s working on band stuff, and our quality time has really suffered. not sure what to do.