Hi everybody!
I don’t think I’m in the wrong here, but please let me know if I am. I’m really struggling with this one.
I made some dinner plans with friends this Monday. When I made the plan, I asked him if he wanted to join or if he had other plans. His response: “I don’t know yet. Ask me later.”
So, we made the plans with a spare place reserved for him. As the week went on, I repeatedly talked about the Friday plans in front of him. He even asked what was going on on Friday, and my exact words were: “I will be at dinner with these friends.” There was no response from his side.
Now, today, the day of the dinner, he again asked what my plans were for today, and I again talked about the dinner and told him we had a place reserved for him too. Evidently, this was too much for him. He started shouting at me, asking why I made plans for him again without asking him after he told me to ask him later. I tried to explain that we just made the reservation for him too because it’s easier for the restaurant to remove one person than to add one. I also asked him if he wanted to join now or not.
He just kept screaming at me, saying how inconsiderate I was for not asking him again, but there was no real answer from him. This went on for another 10 minutes until I snapped and hung up the phone.
He called me back, screaming why I hung up, and asked me what the f*** was wrong with me, again telling me I was in the wrong for all of this. I told him to shut up and hung up again. I was also screaming in this Situation. I didn’t pick up again afterward, and he sent me a voicemail saying he doesn’t want to see me all weekend. We live together, so he tried to throw me out.
I’m not saying I’ve never said anything harsh or made mistakes in our relationship, but in my opinion, this is just an overreaction. Nothing justifies a reaction like this over a simple dinner invitation.
He got home from work and not a word to me. He left again an hour later, still no word to me.
Am I in the wrong here?
Comments
Bro really acted like you signed him up for military service instead of reserving a chair at a restaurant. 💀 He ignored you all week, then threw a tantrum when the invite was still there? Nah, this ain’t normal.
NTA You tried to include him. The plans involve other people, and you can’t wait for him; things have to move forward.
You are not wrong. He is being irrational
People show who they are by how they deal with supposed conflict. You picked an abuser as a bf
NTA, it would have been better if you asked him for a confirmation before taking it. BUT, this type of reaction from him is at best concerning and at worst toxic asf. I could have let you know too if he was joining or at least communicate like an adult
NTA. You invited him, kept the plans open, and even talked about the dinner multiple times. If he really wanted you to ‘ask again,’ he could have just said so instead of ignoring the topic all week. His reaction—screaming, berating you, and trying to throw you out over something so minor—is completely immature.
You’re NTA—his explosive reaction over a simple dinner invitation is completely disproportionate, and his refusal to communicate clearly (despite multiple reminders) before blowing up at you is a major red flag for emotional immaturity or control issues.
His silent treatment and attempt to throw you out over this are manipulative—reevaluate if this is the kind of relationship dynamic you want long-term.
Nta. He is a red flag. Hes shouting at you for including him. Its a basic of a relationship. End things and go have your meal in peace. You dont need this
Major Red Flag Here. Insane reaction from him.
NTA. You gave him plenty of opportunities to say he’d come or not come, you just didn’t formally invite him a second time. Somebody who would scream at you over something so minor is not a good fit.
NTA but why are you with him? He sounds like an exhausting man child.
NTA. Block his crazy ass
He sounds like he needs some therapy for his anger issues. You are not wrong. I would have approached it the same way. I also would tell him that he owes you an apology and if he won’t apologize, it is time to move on.
Your boyfriend:
– Doesn’t really listen to you and ignore your invitation for an entire week
– Screams at you
– Swears at you
– Tries to throw you out of your own home
– Ignores you completely, because he is mad.
I don’t understand how you can accept being treated like this by someone who is supposed to love you. For me (everybody is different), after a scenario like that, there’s no second chance. This guy is a pure asshole, emotionnally manipulative and verbally abusive.
What a catch! OP, this is your life now if you stay in this relationship. No way this is the first time something like that happens. And honestly, I don’t see it getting better. It’s going to be worse.
NTA, even if you yelled back.
I know it’s cliche to jump to break up on reddit, but that is some red flag level anger. If that is a normal reaction to such a small issue, girl run.
NTA but this is not good. I suspect he wants you to break up with him and instead of being an adult and saying so he throws tantrums. Like a 2 year old plus he also wants you to make decisions for him also like a child. Why is the bar so low for him
NTA. Keep the reservation for the extra seat and invite someone who isn’t an emotional
Baby. You deserve better.
Girl this guy needs to be cut loose. He sounds ridiculous
RUN! He’s testing the gaslighting waters HARD
He’s an asshole why is he acting like you listed him for war in Afghanistan wtf
NTA. If you don’t break up with him, I worry for your mental and physical health.
NTA
Clearly that relationship is over.
He overreacted… big time. Does he always act this way? Or is this out of character for him? If it is out of character, maybe wait until things calm down and ask him what is going on with him because his reaction was so over the top and unlike him that it has got you concerned.
Also, next time you want to include him in your plans, just ask him once and if he says he doesn’t know, then tell him to let you know by a specific date if he decides to go and then let it go and be done with it. If he decides at the last moment that he wants to go and another reservation can’t be added, oh well it is his own fault for not committing when you asked him. He can’t expect everything to remain on pause while he acts all indecisive.
His reaction isn’t normal and his behaviour isn’t kind.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like this? He’s got you doubting yourself over his very clear overreaction and mean behaviour.
Get a better more stable living environment too
NTA but your boyfriend is. Why the hell are you with this piece of garbage???
Dump him and find someone who will treat you and talk to you with respect
You might be in danger if this is how he reacted to a thoughtful act of inclusion without pressure.
Imagine how he will react when there is a real conflict!
Get out now. You should be afraid of this response from an emotionally immature man. 😕
This is not normal behavior. Get out before it gets worse. NTA and run.
So out of all this exchange he still couldn’t find the words to just say “nah I don’t wanna go”……wtf is wrong with him
Wow, it was a invite to dinner – not an amputation. NTA – he sounds unstable.
He’s trying to ruin your night so you don’t enjoy the dinner. Dump him and go enjoy your non abusive friends. NTA.
Dude act like this over a dinner reservation… Imagine what happens when something really goes wrong.
He just told you exactly who he is. Believe him. Run.
Obviously, NTA
“am I in the wrong here?”……
Only for tolerating his behavior 😞
Your dinner interfered with his date. NTA.
Let him throw you out.
That’s your best move.
Move out. He’s playing a power move. Call him on it.
Your boyfriend is noncommittal all week then acts like a fucking psycho? You are definitely in the wrong here for putting up with this psycho behavior.
NTA. At the ending the relationship if you have another place to go and aren’t on a lease I would be exiting. If one of you isn’t on the lease that person needs to leave. If you’re both on the lease I really hope it’s about to run out cuz you got to get out of there or get him out of there. Yeah he’s not a good guy, time to end it and move on.
Sooo uh does he normally engineer situations in which he can be mad at you? Because it’s seems like he was intentionally setting up this situation, and now he doesn’t want to see you all weekend? Yea, he’s up to something.
NTA. You went above and beyond to keep him informed. He asked you to “ask later,” and you did multiple times by mentioning the dinner repeatedly. It sounds like he either wasn’t paying attention or chose to ignore it. His reaction, especially the shouting and trying to kick you out, is completely disproportionate and concerning.
This isn’t just about a dinner reservation, it’s about respect and communication. Calmly trying to revisit this when things cool down might help, but don’t let him make you feel guilty for something you handled reasonably. You deserve better than being screamed at for no good reason.
Every time I read a post like this I wonder why anyone would consider themselves the asshole when clearly their significant other is a raving fucking lunatic.
Girl be careful this is just the tip of the iceberg,. I would reconsider my relationship with him
NTA please get out of this relationship; that is so toxic and he’s definitely making this into a big deal just to bully you
This is not about the dinner reservation. This is him acting like a brat because he either wants to break up with you and it is easier to alienate you than to actual just be honest OR he needs some therapy. Possibly both. Time to have a sit down and find out what’s really going on.
NTA
I’d ask your friends while your at dinner if they have a couch you can crash on for a few days, while you make a plan to move out. Something tells me they will be breathing a sigh of relief.
NTA
Even if he expected you to explicity ask him again, that was an over reaction. Even if you had previously had discussions about not planning things expecting him to join when he wasnt sure, that was an over reaction.
He went from calm discussion to uncontrollable yelling over something so minor, that is a huge red flag.
He tried to kick you out of your shared space, over something so minor, that is a huge red flag.
Why would you want someone who screams instead of having an adult conversation to avoid conflict. He sounds abusive and chaotic, you should choose peace and calm, we don’t have a long time here for the bullshit.
That boy is tapped in the head
NTA his reaction is so disproportionate to what the situation was and he seems like he’s trying to pick a fight with you. This may have been a ruse, I would find out what he’s up to.
NTA and if he screams at you about a dinner reservation that’s a serious red flag. If he loses it about something that minor, what’s he going to be like if something really bad happens? This could escalate and become violent, it sounds like he has anger management issues.
I missed the part where he tried to throw you out of YOUR OWN HOME. That’s way over the line, you need to make a plan to get away from him and out of this relationship.
You need to think about your safety and your mental health, this is not healthy.
NTA. His reaction is a massive red flag. Screaming over dinner plans isn’t normal behavior.
Literal man baby what the hell, I’d be psyched to go to a restaurant with reservations. And you did communicate it well in advance.
As Curly Bill said, “Well…bye.”
I’ve had a few friends (mostly ex-friends) like this: “make an accommodation for me and I’ll decide at the last minute if I want to participate.”
It’s not worth being with someone who pulls this sort of self-centered shit, and you should really reconsider whether you want to stay with him.
one time is enough for anything.
Oh this has nothing to do with dinner plans, he was fishing for a fight from the start. He now has a free wknd & possibly other plans that already had all along. Run from this red flag fast!
Do you want a partner or to become someone’s pseudo mother?
Because your boyfriend is looking for a mommy he can fuck. Someone who will baby him and know what he wants when he wants it, while also sleeping with him.
You want that then stop posting here and live happily ever after with him.
You don’t want that? Then grow a spine and dump him.
Break up and move on. Life is literally too short for that type of $#!+. Singleness is a blessing.
NTA don’t date someone who screams at you. That’s not healthy behaviour.
His reaction wasn’t about dinner—it was about control. Screaming, blaming, and trying to kick you out over something so minor is a huge red flag
He’s cheating or doing drugs.
He shouted at you over dinner plans. Read that as many times as it takes for you to realise how bad that is.
This man does not like you. At all.
NTA. I’m guessing this is not the first time he’s blown up like this. Why are you with someone who behaves this way?
OP be glad he’s not speaking cos it sounds like he’s a real AH and says things from Hell when he speaks. He’s loser material. Just sayin… Do you work? And make enough to move out?
Why didn’t you ask him directly instead of hoping he gets the hint? Men don’t take hints very well. From his reaction you probably don’t ask him directly more than once.
He still should not have yelled at you. If the two of you can’t communicate you should rethink the relationship
So he tried to throw you out of your shared place because you were thoughtful- you included him in a reservation to give him the option of changing his mind and he throws you out over this consideration- he’s a coward- instead of being honest with you, he’s manufacturing a reason to be upset and gaslighting you-
This dude sounds really unstable and rude. NTA
INFO: Where’s your fucking self respect?
Your bf is a bag of shit. Throw him away and move on
How many times do you have to ask someone if they want to join you and your friends for dinner he is wrong and owes you an apology for acting like an ass
Move on from this dude, if this is how he reacts to this he’s not worth it
You shouldn’t have to ask more then once or he could have said I will let you know Thursday what I am doing Friday
NTA. Jeez. Does he need a mommy? 🙄
Nta. You asked he didn’t respond so you booked a chair just incase, still leaving the option open for him to attend or not.
I would be putting my foot down on this one and it does not matter that you spoke out of line or not to him. If he had acted normal he wouldn’t have brought you to the point of saying mean things, to begin with.
He doesn’t get to act like a caveman, when he’s been offered and accommodated for, just in case. I would be creating a boundary to his behaviors, and informing him, verbal abuse will not be tolerated again, and if he needs anger management he needs to address that. I would cut back on his availability to me, because he has shown, he is unsafe and unstable if he can’t even deal with a situation that did not warrant the behaviors that came out. Until he can show me otherwise, he will be walking on eggshells because I don’t play with grown man children and that’s exactly how he is acting.
And men wonder why we are so done with them. It’s because if stupid stuff like this.
He’s psychotic.
You were not wrong.
Your boyfriend is an AH and you should dump him. He will only get worse and your life will be terrible with him.
Your boyfriend is a child. Who the hell gets that angry over a potential dinner reservation?
Time for a new BF! You need to be gone by the time he comes back.
NTA. At his behaviour is fundamentally wrong. Why would he throw a temper tantrum? Does he control or try to control your general movements? This feels really wrong to me.
Maybe he is cheating do he made this fight to justify his absence from the weekend
i’m not saying he’s cheating, but my loser cheater ex-husband used to pick the most ridiculous fights as an excuse to not have to come home because he had dates set up…
So you’re growing manchild of a partner couldn’t make a decision and then decides to unload on you later about it?
He shouted and screamed at you over this?
I’ve been with my wife for almost 40 years and I have never screamed or shouted at her. Not that we’ve never disagreed or had an argument, but adults don’t need to do that. And particularly over something as stupid as a restaurant reservation.
Gotta say, I hope this person has other qualities because he comes across in this is a selfish immature jerk
You asked him initially, reminded him multiple times, and even gave him the opportunity to confirm or decline on the day of the dinner. His response—yelling, cursing, and trying to kick you out—is a massive overreaction. It’s one thing to be frustrated about miscommunication, but his reaction was aggressive and disrespectful. You’re not in the wrong for assuming he could still decide last minute since he never clearly said no.
YWBTA for staying. May a relationship like this never ever in a million years find me or anyone I love.
I hope his new gf can see through his bs
Imagine you had a child and she had a bf that treated her like this, what would you tell that young woman?
This is the type of shit that’s gonna put you into therapy. Be careful with your soul here, it may lose its essence with this human being around you.
You’re not his mother and you asked him.
How old are you two?
YBTA – It’s too hard to tell from your side of the story, honestly.
There’s obviously way more going on here than what you wrote.