Was walking my dog with my friend around my neighborhood one recent afternoon when one of my neighbors spotted us and started power walking his way towards us from behind. I didn’t notice him, but my friend did. She was perturbed by this wiry, shirtless, 50 something man coming at us from behind.
Fair enough.
When he caught up to us, he said to me, “you maybe don’t recognize me but I recognize you!”
Uh, okay.
He turned to my friend and said something that implied that he’d known me since I was small (incorrect, though my baby face means I am often mistaken for a teenager by strangers even though I’m in my late twenties). Super weird thing to say, makes no sense, why would he lie??
When he went for the hug, it was abrupt and totally out of the blue. He’d never tried to touch me before. I really, really wanted to say no as he went for it, but something in the back of mind said “is that a safe thing to do? It’s the mid afternoon but it’s just you and your friend, and wouldn’t that maybe make it weird for your parents? Better be safe.”
So I let it happen and this fifty something year old man who I barely knew gave me a half naked sweaty hug, and then tried to get us to go back to his trailer to meet his puppies. We escaped because I was able to convince him that my dog doesn’t like other dogs (which is true). We went back to the house, I took a shower because the ICK was intense, and then I talked it out with my friends.
They were great. They made me feel really safe and heard. They validated that it was absolutely a creepy experience. My friend’s a nurse, and she said she’s had experience with off people, and he was ringing some alarm bells for her.
It was great to have that validation. Historically, I dismiss creepiness. I was socialized to be polite and nice and to dismiss the alarm bells my anxiety rang because I was “overthinking it”. As I get older I’m working on trusting my gut more and being more confident in saying no, especially in situations with men trying to push boundaries. I always regret it when I don’t. But every low stakes encounter like this helps me remember that I need to, and my friends’ support helped cement that I’m right to. So maybe the next time a creep goes to hug me, I can shut it down right away.