Need advice just found out heartbreaking news about my relationship of 9 years (F30)

tl;dr

quick summary: been together 9 years and he(M30) has been lying to me(F30) for 6 of them. I just found out he has been watching porn for those years paying for it, interacting with the women. meanwhile he hardly touches me. is this normal to feel so betrayed? how would you react?

i don’t know what to do. I have been dating my current fiancé for 9 years almost 10 we have two kids together 5 and 7. Things were really great in the beginning in all aspects. sex life was great and then i got pregnant and things just shifted where we were and it then when I had my first daughter, things really changed which change obviously is natural of course. but they really changed when it came to having sex and him wanting me and it’s been a problem pretty much ever since for 7 years we fight about it like once twice a month that I don’t feel wanted and needed. i always questioned how he’s okay with not having sex or doing anything . well three nights ago i saw on his phone a log in to a website ‘camsoda’ and its porn of course. 6 out of the 9 years he’s been watching paying and talking to these women. the things he was saying and i just found out they are live that you request and pay for them .. that makes it so much worse to me. i am so sick i don’t know what to do or how to get past this. am i over reacting? i feel so betrayed and i just look at him so different now 😔❤️‍🩹

All he keeps saying is I’m so sorry. I’m gonna kms If you leave me and basically his excuse was immaturity and stupidity and I’m like that’s not good enough. Why wasn’t the person the real deal next to you in bed not good enough why did you wanna sit and watch and do those things and he just keeps saying you’re gonna leave me you’re gonna leave me. He wants me to be over this in three days how am I supposed to get over that in three days let alone at all and he’s all about loyalty. That’s one thing he’s always talked about. How loyal is he’s never done anything. He never lied, and he always used to say to me things will always come to the light, things always come to the light because I messed up in the past once texted someone in the very beginning our relationship and he still brings that up to this day meanwhile he’s been doing this for six years. How can I forgive him for lying 6 out of our 9 year relationship. i’ve never felt so hurt. i have no one to talk to about this i don’t want to embarrass him. this sucks and i have to put a nice face on because i don’t want my kids seeing me like this