I work at a high school. I have 2 coworkers who are married, The husband has been there for a few years and the wife just came to our school last year. She is a 1:1 for a student and he teaches history.
The husband is really friendly and outgoing and talks to everyone, the wife not so much. She is not rude or anything, she keeps to herself in the special ed department. She loves the kids she works with but doesn’t interact with much of the staff as far as I’ve noticed.
I was at the farmers market this weekend and saw the wife there with another man who happens to be a teacher at our school. They were laughing and just having a grand time eating, listening to music and shopping etc.
I went up and said hello, they said hello and made small talk for a minute and I left.
It just seemed odd, so I text her husband and told him that I saw his wife at the farmers market with “Mr Teacher” and they seemed to be very close.
My coworker text back with a laughing emoji and said “Mind your buisness. Those 2 idiots are friends. They love to go to the market and breakfast on Sunday. It’s my day to sleep in and I hate the market she loves it and apparently he does to”
He made me feel like an idiot for telling him, but I know if my husband was out with another woman, I would want someone to tell me, even if it is “innocent”. So AITAH for telling my coworker that his wife was out with another teacher?
Comments
They weren’t being romantically physical, didn’t hide from you, and weren’t demonstrating any anxiety.
Obviously they weren’t on some sort of affair date at the local farmers market lol
YTA
>Mind your business.
*taps nose* YTA, and a busybody.
Comment: Not the AH for caring, maybe the AH for jumping to conclusions. Next time, save the detective work for Sherlock.
YTA. Mind your business and stop projecting your insecurities about your husband onto other people.
he is being cheated on and probably deserves it for being that much of a cuck, this isnt your battle OP
OP, back up like 10 feet for a second.
Really? We hit the alarm because she was laughing with a coworker at a farmer’s market?
Yeah, you’re a bit of an ass. Only like 1% of the population tells the spouse because they really, truly care. The other 99% just want to watch the drama unfold.
Mind your business is a great bit of advice from your coworker.
Judgmental, nosy and very much YTA.
How, in God’s name, is this any of your business?
YTA
Coworkers can be friends. It’s too bad you screwed up your relationship with your coworkers. You will not have friends at work any more.
I probably would have waited until was at work.
‘ how was your weekend? Saw wife and teacher at farmers market’
what you did was fine, and tbh your a good friend for telling him, you never know whats going on and it doesnt hurt to tell him.
YTAH and now 3 people you work with as well as all of Reddit know it. Mind your business.
YTA. Can’t believe you had to ask…
were they holding hands, did they kiss, did they go behind the fruit stands so he could check her melons?
From the description you wrote, they weren’t doing anything that would even remotely hint at an affair. YTA, keep your nose out of other people’s business next time. Two adults are allowed to spend time together away from their spouses. Good lord.
You were TAH. It’s absolutely none of your business and they were in public place? in their town? calm down Miss Morality.
Wow
I don’t think you should. If I were him, I’d like to know, but I’m not scholar on perfect relationships. They are just friends. The husband knows this, the wife knows this, the friend knows this. You shouldn’t be dictating to the husband who she interacts with.
Yta.
YTA. Her husband said it best – “mind your business.”
People trying to hide an affair don’t spend all day at the local farmer’s market together, laughing, dancing, and chatting with other co-workers. They are clearly just friends. You wanted to interject yourself into something that had nothing to do with you, and her husband shut it down quickly (as he should have).
Sometimes you should just mind your own business 🤷♂️
YTA
Okay, so I’m on the “if you see someone cheat and you’re close with the partner, tell them” team. But that’s only when you know FOR SURE the person is cheating, like you saw them kiss someone else or whatever. When you just see 2 persons hanging out, just mind your business. This time it was a co-worker and you knew him, but what if she was just hanging out with her brother and you didn’t know the guy ? You’d have sounded stupid as hell, right ?
And if every time your husband is with another woman you’d want to know, especially if it’s innocent, you’re toxic and that’s a you problem. Seek therapy to fix your trust issues
Oh FFS…. you could have just casually mentioned on Monday that you had bumped into them if you were so sure it was information that needed shared….
But you just had to make an ass out of yourself 🙄🙄
Good for him calling you out
Nta. This was a lose~lose situation. If you didnt tell and there was something going on, he’d be mad that you didn’t tell.
YTA. Way to go to make your work life awkward, not only for yourself, but for the other parties too.
YTA. An early morning farmer’s market seems like a prime affair opportunity to you? After you made small talk with them? Did you also report what they ate? How dare she enjoy the company of someone else platonically? The nerve! /s
Very nosey YTA
YTA and a judgemental See You Next Tuesday too.
This is how you create hostile work environments. You had better pray your co-worker doesn’t tell people about you massively overstepping. YTA.
Nah…. Respectable.. ppl r shitheads fs
YTA
Honestly, there is nothing else to add to that. You.are.an.asshole.
NTA, your intentions were good!
Yes. Mind your own business. Especially stunde they didn’t seem to hide anything.
Our 1:1 Para and our band director were best friends at my daughters’ high school lol
YTA. She’s not friendly with you at school, apparently for good reason.
Yes OP is the AH. Stay out of it.
YTA and you know it.
YTA if they’d hid or seemed upset when they saw you, or you saw them making out or something, maybe you casually mention it. But they seemed normal? Men and women can be friends. You immediately rushing to tell her husband is kind of odd. The “mind your business” is spot on.
I’m curious why the OP felt the only option for why these 2 people where spending time together was cheating.
What if she was trying to buy a gift for her husband & she asked his coworker (also a dude & a teacher) to help?
What if they have a relationship that is not monogamous?
What if they are friends & enjoy the farmers market (as husband said)?
Also, why is this your business anyway? You work with the man, you are not friends, right?
Whenever there is a long wait at my diner I always pick up my phone and holler into it. “Hurry, she is here with another man.”
That always frees up a half dozen tables.
[removed]
You should post this in r/tifu.
I mean…. would YOU want to know?
You’re not an idiot for telling him, and I don’t think he wanted to make you feel bad. To me, it sounded like he was trying to assure you that everything is fine.
Just do what he said and mind ur business!🙄 Ur NTA 4 telling him YTA 4 how u acting about it.
NTA. Just say, “Sorry to pry! I understand and will mind my business going forward. I really enjoy working with you guys and don’t meant to cause any trouble. My apologies.”
Yta because you had no evidence of inappropriate behaviour.
YTA you don’t like the wife…that part was pretty obvious and you were hoping to cause issue for her. That’s what makes you the AH because I don’t think you were just trying to look out for a friend if you had just been trying to look out for him my answer would be different. Next time also if you’re not sure you just wait and bring it up in casual conversation, “oh hey I saw your wife and Mr teacher at the market the other day!” The way you did was definitely drama seeking
NTA This is how it starts. It’s not really okay to be alone with another person’s wife. Maybe if there was someone else with them.
“They were laughing and listening to music”….lol
That was a wild read. I was expecting: “I saw them making out/kissing passionately, etc.”
Then, on top of that, you reached in within yourself and found the ✨️audacity✨️ to text your CO-WORKER (NOT your best friend) over the weekend to share this conjecture.
YTA. You are what we call a troublemaker.
YTA as all you had was seeing two people, in public, having perfectly normal interaction. You even went to say hello and they behaved like two friends. What the F is wrong with you?!
YTA
yta
I don’t think I would have but if someone told me… I’d appreciate that they was concerned about my well being… rather I knew or not. People handle things differently because people have different levels of heart/caring. I would apologize and say you was just concerned and glad that he already knew. With that said, these days I wouldn’t be surprised if he wakes up one day and is faced with his wife having an affair.
Jesus …. mind your business and let others live their lives. I golf with another man’s wife because mine doesn’t want to and he’s sometimes locked in at the office and can’t make it out … does that mean we’re doing anything illicit????? No! We’re just golfing and talking about what dumb asses our teenage kids are.
Soft YTA.
It was out of good intentions, that I understand. I wouldn’t say being at a market in public would raise any red flags though.
You’re the asshole cause you can’t be satisfied with his response to you. You’re the only one that has an issue here. Insecure much.
YTA and you better start looking for another job because everyone is going to know that you try to cause drama
YTA!
Unless the husband is your best friend, and you saw them coming out of a hotel room disheveled, or saw them making out with in appropriate PDA, mind your own business.
YTA. Are you one of those weirdos that think a man and woman can’t be just friends?
YTA. You handled it worse than a gossiping school girl unfortunately.
Everyone saying OP is a AH lol this is why people mind there own business. Let it unfold it is obvious more is happening. But that being said mind your business because it doesn’t benefit you. Those saying let them be friends who wants to go to the market with me lol.
You’re not the asshole, now you know he’s okay with his wife doing whatever she’s doing 🤷
Not your business. Are they your best friend? Even less your business if not. But that’s just me 🤷🏽♂️
Not your business. Are they your best friend? Even less your business if not. But that’s just me 🤷🏽♂️
Maybe they do 3somes
You didn’t only mention you saw his wife with someone, you tried to plant a seed of doubt or discord by telling him “ they appeared to be very close”. He was correct in telling you to mind your business. Thank goodness he is a secure person. For all you know, he could be starting to doubt her friendship because of what you said. That’s not cool!
Opposite sex are allowed to be friends. Who knows maybe they are poly! I bet that would really ruffle your tight feathers lol
I wouldn’t mind if I got that text, your just looking out…
So, you were hoping to split them up so you could have him?
YTA
YTA what’s wrong with you? I’m sure no one likes you because you gossip about everything and everyone.
NTA initially, you were well intentioned, but given the reaction by the wife and then her husband, YTA now for asking if YTA.
NTA but from now on mind your business even if you see her kissing someone else 🤣. The husband could’ve been nicer about it.
To all the YTA responses, watch for the update where she’s having a affair with the dude.
YTA. You should have minded your own business. The fact they had small talk with you and didn’t run and hide should have been your first clue nothing inappropriate was going on. You just seem like a nosey busy body, that needs to get some business of your own.
YTA.
The label is a bit strong, but if you wanted to be nosy, the appropriate thing would’ve been to mention it in passing at work that you saw and chatted with his wife and other guy over the weekend, but didn’t see him here.
Yta
Op, nta, if you saw them kissing holding hands etc. Would have been a different story. One action does not equate to 10.
NTA. I would want to know.
UpdateMe
Yes, YTA. Stay out of other people’s relationships.
So rarely do I get to say this but hoo boy:
YTA
And extra asshole points for putting scare quotes on the word innocent. You need to mind your own damn business just like your coworker said.
And also? You just blew up any trust you had with your coworkers. Because if I were your coworker, I would absolutely be giving the folks around me a heads-up on your inability to stay in your own lane.
If she was cheating she wouldnt have had small talk with you for a few minutes. They would have acted cagey. Im firmly in the camp of mind your business, if it doesnt affect me its none of mine.
This will definitely get back to her though, so expect a cold shoulder from her, her friend, and maybe her husband. And possibly anyone else you talk to at work, especially the people who really are cheating. You may have just blown up your work life.
YTA, way to snitch immediately OP, real cool
YTA. learn to mind your own business. I was waiting for you to say they were holding hands or kissing but NO they were just at the fucking farmers market…like friends tend to do. Get a life.
YTA you’re not an idiot, you’re a scumbag…you humiliated yourself and now you’re humiliating yourself on reddit
Spoiler alert: a lot of us married folk have friends of the opposite sex and that’s fine. Some of those friends are even – *gasp* – people we used to date but decided they made better friends than lovers.
If my husband was out doing something completely innocent with another woman he knows, like buying sweet potatoes and then grabbing a bite, then I have to say NO, I don’t need to know his every move. If he’s kissing her and grabbing her butt then yeah, please tell me – but I trust my husband so I think that’s unlikely.
So yeah, YTA, because you inserted your own insecurities into another person’s relationship.
I would suggest you look at yourself and your own values and why you would think this is something worthy of reporting. Do you inherently distrust everyone you date? Maybe this is a “you” problem that needs to be fixed? Just saying…
Don’t think you YTA but also don’t know why you are offended. He called his wife andother teacher an idiot. I think he was trying to make light of the matter and not make you feel bad for your assumption as well
Yes. Your insecurities are your own.
Your a utter complete ARSEHOLE you spoke made it quite clear you had saw them they where at ease with this so nothing going on no txt or calls needed bet your the schools and heads favourite nark may karma return your devious deed a million times
Maybe this lady has an ‘arrangement’ with her husband.
You are an asshole. Mind your business
YTA- yes it made you out as an idiot. People can go out with others without it being sexual. When my husband retired, he would go to the local casino with his sister. A co-worker was so happy to tell me she saw my husband with another woman. I just said really, thanks for letting me know.
YTA, you didn’t see anything incriminating. People can have friends of the opposite gender. If they had kissed or something then by all means tell him of course but you just saw two friends hanging out and assumed that because they’re of the opposite gender that they MUST want to bang.
I think it’s funny. If they hadn’t said anything they would be the AH. Pretty sure you can’t win in Reddit.
YTA. Stay out of people’s business. Especially if they’re obviously just your coworkers and not friends. You don’t know enough about the situation to be involved in it in the first place.
OP is single and wonders why.
Yta.
The intention seems like maybe you wanted there to be something going on despite not having any idea anything actually was.
It’s professionally not a good look to say it’s suspicious the wife is out with a friend while simultaneously texting her husband like a friend. Almost seems like the intention wasn’t good.
First off, different people can have very different standards of propriety. I have married female friends who are very proper, etc that literally won’t text me unless it’s in a group chat with me, her, my wife, and her husband. I’ve got other friends I send dumb things to solo without a second thought and their significant others don’t care.
Next, a farmer’s market is a highly visible, public space. Nobody’s going on a secret affair tryst at the farmer’s market.
Last, is there any chance you work at a private or religious high school? I have a gay friend that went to college, got her teaching certification, then went to teach at the religious high school she’d attended as a teen. She worked there for multiple years, kept her personal life completely separate from her professional life, then got fired because a student and family saw her out on a date with her wife, raised a stink with the administration, and my friend was fired. People within administration unofficially knew she was gay, but she was fire when they lost plausible ignorance. Have you considered that if your three coworkers have an alternative relationship arrangement, you saying something to the wrong person could cost them their jobs.
Via text? Yeah you’re an ass.
Just saying I was at bike week in Laconia and in a group with a husband and wife, and a friend of mine with the girl he’s trying to date. The guy is a police chief in a nearby town and was talking to a couple of the cops that were there. I got a phone call asking me who the fucking blond bitch I was with was. One of my wife’s coworkers saw me standing next to her and called my wife to say I was there with another woman. So maybe it’s best to mind your own business.
YTA and a busybody. Mind your business was a great response.
Be aware that your coworkers will remember you like to stir the pot.
Ugh, YTA.
OP, you have stumbled into the world of non-monogamy.
While you may have meant well, unequivocally YTA. It does not sound like you are particularly close with the husband outside of being coworkers. And you know next to nothing about his wife, which means you have no idea how their relationship works.
I agree with the other commentor who mentioned saying something if you were A) close enough to fully understand their dynamics and relationship rules -AND- B) you were certain she was violating said dynamics/rules. Otherwise it’s simply not your business.
Your decision to tell the husband involved several assumptions you are not really qualified to make, some of which could have been incredibly harmful in a different situation. The fact that you would want to be told speaks more to the health of your relationships than theirs. Same for all the commentors saying they would want the same thing you do. It indicates some form of trust issues, be it jealously, fear of rejection, feelings of inadequacy, previous unfaithful partner(s), or all of the above.
First off, the person telling you your husband was out with another woman is assuming you are ignorant of the goings-on in your own marriage. Second, the focus only on gender is a double-standard and assumes infidelity only ever involves people of the opposite gender. Third, you do not trust your partner if you feel this way, which automatically makes it an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
It is also incredibly unfair and creepy to expect the people around you to act as a de facto spy network for you.
He knows she hangs out with friends. Not sure why you think it is weird. How old are you, if I can ask?
YTA – Mind your own damn business Gladys.
Just mad you ain’t getting any attention shame on you
Wow. Did you never learn to mind your own business? Are you addicted to drama? Something is off and someone is in need of counseling and a daily affirmation to “mind my own fucking business today”. This is never okay. YTA.
Almost every post on this sub is fake yet all these idiots here believe it. YTA
How dare you. Her husband’s contact info is exactly none of your fucking business. Wow. YTA. I assume your husband must be a cheater.
YTA. GIANT sized YTA.
YTA
People are allowed to have friends outside of their marriage no matter their gender, and gasp even DO things with them sometimes!
It would be one thing if you caught them making out or something, but they weren’t, they were hanging out doing normal friend things, and it’s super weird you think that’s somehow inappropriate or a reason to go running to her husband.
It sounds less like she’s a reserved introverted person and more like she wants quality friendships over quantity, and you just outed yourself as someone no one around you show trust with this weird mindset.
A bit of YTA – If I didn’t see them kiss or hug or whatever I don’t know that I would’ve reacted that way and reached out in that manner.
I might have just casually mentioned in passing at work, that you ran into the wife at the farmers market with the other teacher. I wouldn’t have characterized it in any way other than a friendly meeting and let him draw his own conclusions.
I do think it was a little bit of an over reaction on his part though too. Because if my wife was with some guy looking chummy, then I wouldn’t mind hearing about it. Even if it was innocent, and I knew about it, I would have just thanked the guy and said listen they are friends don’t worry about it.
People might not like me saying this, but you have to know that there’s a lot of cheating going on at work. Something like 80% of affairs happen with a work partner.
I think from my experience, there’s a lot of cheating going on amongst teachers, teachers and parents, and unfortunately, sometimes teachers and students of both sexes
So I know probably why your mind went there
YTA
MYOB
You return that laughing emoji and say “can’t say i dont have your back bro” and throw a biceps and fist emoji in. Don’t sweat it. You did God’s work there OP.
You did the right thing. If he doesn’t care about his wife spending time with other men then he probably has a woman on the side or must be that naive. Either way he’ll see that you tried when rubber meets the road.
It’s none of your business
You got the response you deserved. You have zero clue about any of these people. You’re not a trusted part of their lives at all. You’re a coworker with zero insight into them as people in the world. So you basically made yourself look like an insecure high school girl who needs to create drama because your life just isn’t fun.
Time for some self reflection. You projected your own issues onto people you barely know. Check yourself and realize that other people aren’t you.
I had toxic parents. My father was a serial cheater, narcissistic personality, severe depression and high anxiety disorder. He treated his family like trash behind closed doors. No one knew and would never guess what kind of horrible things he did and said to all of us at home. My mother never left him. She stayed because people back then suffered in silence.
Finally when I reached my teens I asked my mother to leave him. She wouldn’t. What she did was stop taking care of him. He no longer had a wife who did everything from cleaning his messes to sitting through countless trips to the ER because he refused to take care of himself.
She worked a full time job and still was like a 1950s housewife. When that stopped do you know what people said? They said “Poor Dick, his wife is such a heartless bitch. He is so sweet and funny and she just treats him like a paycheck.” Again, she worked 70hr weeks, and until her child told her to stop, she did everything for a man who was not interested in her well-being at all.
None of those people talking crap knew anything about my parents or their relationship. People see whatever we choose to show them. You had no proof of any kind of affair. You could’ve potentially cause a a massive problem for people who you don’t love or know that well. Everyone is correct and you should’ve minded your own business.
YTA.
YTA and I love that he called you out.
Italian-Grandma-ass post
NTA for telling the husband, but his reaction sounds like maybe you are a gossip
YTA Mind your own business. They weren’t doing anything wrong.
Teachers, theater kids and police officers have the reputation they do for a reason, it’s true.
Jealously is really not a good look.
Yeah they’re probably having some emotional affair, but the husband is clearly okay with it. Let it go.
YTA.
Gotta say usually I’d be suspicious too but they weren’t shocked to see you there at all. That’s a huge tell that it’s not inappropriate. Now, had they been holding holds, all over each other and completely flipped when you spoke to them, then yeah, I’d probably text her husband. However, this looks really innocent.
YTA
It wasn’t telling him that made you an AH. It was how. It was telling him in a way that implied his wife is cheating on him or that this relationship was something it was not. There are a dozen ways this could have been brought up that were more natural, organic not quite so accusatory.
You over stepped and now you look like a idiot and and an ass.
Here is an example of another way to do this – “Hey bumped into x and xx at famers market today and we talked about doing it again. I’ve also seen Y and Z here occasionally. It’s a happening spot for us teachers. You should join us next time. There food was great!”
It is more friendly invite and less “I thought you should know your wife is definately banging our mutual coworker, I sure hope this doesnt make things awkward..”
YTA. Leave it alone. Leave it faaaaaaar alone.
nah fuck that. i would have appreciated it and said thanks for looking out.
NTA. This comment section is insane. It’s not normal at all for married male/female coworkers to have Sunday brunch and go to the farmer’s market together. You were right to say something and you handled it exactly as you should have. Don’t listen to them, OP.
I100% agree
>AITAH for telling a coworker I saw his wife with another man?
In a word Yes
> “Mind your buisness. Those 2 idiots are friends.
You should feel like an idiot– they weren’t apparently trying to hide anything. Most folks would be better off staying out of others business.. my belief is You go looking under the bed unless you have been hiding there
“I seen’t your wife laughing at the farmer’s market… with a colleague!”
Scandal!
NTA at all. You did the right thing. Don’t feel bad about it and from here on out do as the guy asks and avoid him and do not talk to him at all.
You’re projecting your own insecurities.
YTA. You over stepped your boundaries with someone who isn’t a friend. It’s a coworker.
The entire school is about to know what you’ve done.
You should probably look for another job.
YTA. I would seriously follow what the history teacher texted you in general.
Wow, YTA. You sound like a Karen busy body
You’re a massive asshole. You people that want to continue to perpetuate the idea that men and women can’t be friends are completely demented.
And the way you talk about the wife makes it clear that you’re an asshole in other ways too. She’s clearly been right to not want to socialize with you.
Y T A and I pity your husb
Yes, you are a meddling asshole.
If you were my coworker, I would appreciate you trying to look out for me. Hard to say what goes on in people’s personal lives though, they may have an open relationship that they don’t talk about at school, lol.
Stay. Out. Of. It.
YTA. I don’t even have to read the full story. Just bc you see 2 people together doesn’t mean anything
Mind yo business…mofo
Wow, OP, you need a life. And maybe a therapist. This is unhinged and deeply weird. You should leave the childish drama to your students.
YTA apologize and move on. doubling down to your coworker will only make this more embarrassing for you. in the future mind your business.
This is wild. If they didn’t get anxious or act weird when you said hi why the text? I would get it if you saw her kissing the guy or feeling on him or vice versa but this literally could’ve been “morning! Saw your wife at the market with so and so it was such a nice day” and go from there. Keep your nose out of peoples business
YTA. Mind your own business before you get reported to HR.