Okay so this is kinda messy and i honestly don’t know if I’m the one out of line here. But I’m exhausted. Like emotionally beat up kind of tired. So here’s what went down. I 26F live with my husband 27M in a house we bought last year. It’s not some huge mansion, but it’s ours. We both worked our asses off to get it. Saved for years. Took on side gigs. Skipped vacations. Lived with roommates for longer than we wanted to. Like we earned this. Now here’s the problem. My MIL has been going around telling everyone that she is the reason we have the house. Not like in a “we’re proud of them” kinda way. No.
She literally says stuff like “If it weren’t for me, they’d still be renting a tiny apartment.” “I told them where to buy. That house was my idea.” “They used my contacts, my connections everything.” Which is just… straight up not true. Like sure, she gave us the number of a real estate agent. That’s it. She didn’t give us money. She didn’t co sign. She didn’t even come with us to look at properties. She barely even supported the idea. If anything, she doubted us every step of the way. But now that it’s real? Now that people are congratulating us? She wants all the credit.
I let it slide the first few times. Thought maybe she just liked attention. Whatever. But last weekend at a family cookout she literally stood up in front of everyone and said, “I gave them that house. I made that happen.” And i just… lost it. Like, i was shaking. Not yelling or anything, but I told her, in front of everyone, “If you’re so proud of the house, you can have it. We’ll move out. We’ll get an apartment and start over.” She looked shocked. Like I’d slapped her or something. My husband didn’t say a word just pulled me aside and told me that wasn’t the place for that conversation. And now everyone’s saying I embarrassed her. But like… I’m the one whose hard work keeps getting erased. I’m the one who’s been quietly swallowing this for months. And i finally snapped. So yeah. Now there’s this huge family rift and i don’t even know how to fix it. Or if i should. AITAH?
Comments
You’re nta. Your husband and his mom are. Why is he allowing her to keep running her mouth? And then to reprimand you? That’s crazy. Yes, you probably could have said it better or before and not let it be bottled up, but his mom sounds toxic.
Yea NTA, your MIL should keep her mouth shut, don’t know why your husband told you off if she’s the one lying, he should be telling his mom off. Yea you could have handled it better (in private) but imo she had it coming.
NTA! Just straight up tell her to back off! This would be exhausting and tell your husband to handle his mother
NTA because she deserved it for trying to take away from your huge achievement. If she does it again I’d ask her to elaborate on how she “gave” you the house. She can either outright lie and you can call her out on it or she can admit to her negligible role in the process and everyone will see through her bs.
All you had to say loudly “Yes, we appreciate after years of us saving and sacrifice that you helped connected us to an amazing Agent that found the house for us”
“We saved and scrapped and bought the house, only thing you did was give us a contact, you did nothing else of any merit. So sit down and STFU.”
I wouldn’t care if it was hubby’s mom, she’s being a bitch and needs to be put in her place.
It’s weird, it seems every other post I’ve read the last few days have a variation of “not fancy, but it’s ours”
Coincidence? AI?
ESH
I don’t understand what you were hoping to accomplish. Your comments just didn’t make sense. In that moment, you could have stood up and said “no you didn’t.”
You could’ve asked her, “exactly what did you do to get us our house that we worked & scrimped and saved for? I want to be sure I’m giving you proper credit.”
Or- you could have been an adult, talked to your husband and told him to talk to his mom & tell her to quit it or your response will be petty.
That’s a really weird reaction to someone claiming they gave you a house. Saying, “thank you for giving us the contact information for our realtor,” sure. Offering to give her the house? This is so out there that it has to be fake.
YTA for your response. What’s wrong with the truth?
“It’s important to mil to feel involved and we want to stress we appreciate the painter recommendations. It was a huge help.”
NTA
MIL needs to be embarrassed! Your husband should support you and tell mom to back off or risk alienating you both! Your husband really should be correcting her every single time.. Become passive aggressive with comments like “oh ya, you really helped us..eye roll… it was great you gave us the realtors name but …” lol it will annoy her and make people to laugh….
“You can have it, we’ll move out”
WTF kind of response is that? This is fake.
NTA but you shoild have questioned her further… “How? What specifically did you do? I want the details because I dont remember you doing anything to help us besides passing on a number.”
You have a husband problem here too. But spineless isn’t he?
ESH. This should have been a private conversation. You could have said “Yes, MIL hooked us up with a great relator! We’re so appreciative she did that so we now have our dream home.”
NTA but your husband is.
I think it’s fine you stood up, but I think the conversation should have went a little differently.
Like, we appreciated you sending us the realtor phone number, but we worked our butts off saving for this house and we did it on our own. We are proud of our accomplishment, and thrilled to own our home home.
NTA. You have a husband problem as well as MIL. He has needed to shut his mother down from the very first.
People just reach a point where they can’t take any more BS. You reached yours. She should have been embarrassed for telling bald face lies.
Do NOT apologize. Have a serious discussion with your husband about relationships and boundaries. Ask him if he will stand up to his mother from now on. If he says no, he’s just told you that he will never stand up for you.
Don’t have children with this man until after couples counseling.
NTA, but your approach didn’t get to the core of the problem. Ask her to explain, in front of everyone, what pivotal role she played in your home ownership. Call out/correct each lie. Humiliate her into some modesty.
Make a public post and tag her and everyone in it. Let everyone just how much she actually was involved and how much money she put in. Then end it with “the only people who should be getting credit for the purchase of my home is my husband and I. Period.”.
Your husband needs to step up and back you up. That is lame.
It sounds like she has been the AH for a long time and everyone usually lets her get away with it.
Why would you give her the house if you bought it?? Why would you say this in front of a crowd, which actually affirms her claim that the house was hers? It’s not her business to talk about your property with anyone other than she gave you a referral. That’s the response to her mouthing off about your property.
NTA. But you are doing it the wrong way. You should laugh and comment that you guys see it a lot differently because she didn’t pay for the house and you remember the she gave you a phone number of the real estate agent but they is it. Always smile and smirk when she says this kind of stuff.
When MIL starts her crap again, tell her to take it up with her son.
Wut? “Let me bite off my own nose to spite my face.”
Moving out makes no sense. It’s much less costly to, ya know, set boundaries with MIL?
Updateme
Fake. Another bad MIL post. Definitely this month’s AI story prompt.
Your reaction was extreme. Like you would just give up your house because your MIL is bragging? That’s pretty over the top. Perhaps you could have just like laughed, and said “so a referral to a realtor equals you giving us this house? Lol, ok. I guess all our saving and hard work was completely irrelevant”.
Being annoyed or angry is completely understandable, but your response was way overreacting.
NTA, but why not just check her? When she says that, laugh and say “no you didn’t, you did nothing but give us a realtor number….so….google with a pulse”
NTA but you more than MIL problem. Your husband’s silence is complicit in why she runs her mouth off so much
Your alleged retort makes no sense.
You didn’t contradict her claim of giving you the house, but … offered to give it to her? That just sounds like public confirmation that she did give you the house, albeit you were tired of being reminded about it.
C+ for unrealistic dialogue. Go peddle your fiction somewhere else.
Ask out loud, in front of everyone, “Why do you keep trying to take credit for my husband and my accomplishments? You had nothing to do with it. It’s very weird. You really should stop, it makes you look crazy. Showboating on someone else’s hard work is dishonest.”
FAAAAAAAAAAKEEE, again with MIL and the “we bought last year. It’s not some huge mansion, but it’s ours” fake ass shit.
NTA your husband needs to put his mom I’m her place
You did nothing to clear up her involvement. People now just think she bought you a house and you’re ungrateful. Let her say whatever nonsense she wants. If she says anything in front of you again set the record straight: you provided nothing towards the purchase of this house. NTA…just not very clear.
Either tell her she should slow down because clearly she had too much to drink or offer her a hat because clearly she has been in the sun too long. Don’t volunteer to move. Your husband though is the one that needs to tell his mom to stop patting herself on the back for recommending a realtor. They are not hard to find. NTA
NTA, but unless it benefits you in other ways, you’d be an idiot to move because of this. Let Mil run her mouth to people, who cares.
While I can not determine who is what here. I can determine the following :