I (M27) have two cousins, let’s call them H (M30) and N (M25), that I have been very close with since we were born/young kids (or so I thought…) Our families would often do things together, and I’d hang out with both of them every so often, sometimes together or sometimes just one or the other, but I’ve always seen both of them frequently enough. I still hang out with them frequently enough, heck we just went for sushi 2 weeks ago and we’re supposed to see a movie next week.
H got married several years ago, and I was invited to his bachelor party as well as being one of his groomsmen. It was a good time!
When N announced he was getting married, I just kind of assumed I’d be included in that in the same way.
The first part about N’s wedding that started getting weird is that he didn’t even invite my sisters, just me and my parents. So he’s already excluding part of his family, and obviously they’re pretty hurt too. I get there might be capacity limits or whatever, but I just find it kind of strange to exclude your literal family.
But then the wedding is getting close, and I haven’t heard anything about any sort of bachelor party or groomsmen or anything. So I just assumed maybe he wasn’t doing any of that.
Then one day I get a call from H (he calls me the odd time just to chat) and he says he’s driving home from trying out suits for N’s wedding together, just casually like it’s nothing. So at this point I’ve gathered that it sounds like he does have groomsmen, and H is one of them (his brother so it makes sense, but still) well okay then…
Then I get a text from a friend (let’s call her P) asking me if I’m going to N’s bachelor party. I honestly had no idea what she was talking about.
Well I guess P’s husband’s brother is friends with my cousin N (small world lol) and he was mentioning going to N’s bachelor party this weekend. What?
So I guess the bachelor party happened last Saturday/Sunday. P sent me a photo that N’s friend had posted of the party, with 11 people there, including H. I know for a fact capacity was not a concern for this party since it was at a location we frequently visited as children growing up.
Apparently my aunt talked to my mom about the party and said it was “just some camp friends”, but his brother was invited, so clearly that isn’t the case and I could have most likely been invited as well. It just feels like a lame excuse to be honest.
Then on Monday, H sends a text in our group chat asking if we want to go for sushi. They have no idea I even know about the party, but I was pretty hurt. I just said I was busy. Like yea I’m sure you do want sushi now, you’ve been partying it up all weekend.
I just feel like they’re both trying to hide everything from me at this point, which makes it even worse.
I had also specifically asked N about the wedding the last time I saw him, because I hadn’t heard anything and just wanted to see where he was at. From the way he was talking, it sounded like he wasn’t really doing anything and was just excited for it to be over because “it’s stressful”, but clearly that isn’t the case.
I’m sure there will be several groomsmen at his wedding, and I’m not one of them.
I’m just really hurt honestly, and clearly we’re not as close as I thought. I just don’t get it considering I’ve been by his side since we were kids, through some really rough family times as well. His brother H got really sick and almost died a couple of summers ago. It was me with them at the hospital, not these other guys. I know that’s morbid, but just for some perspective…
I just don’t get why I’m being excluded and they’re acting like nothing’s wrong. We’ve literally never argued, never had a falling out, so I don’t know what his reasoning would be. Unless he’s upset with me for something, but he’s never brought anything up and I have no idea what that would even be.
The only reasons I can come up with aren’t nice, such as maybe he didn’t want me there because I’m bi and I don’t “fit in” with his crowd (I’ve never even told them this but maybe the way I act I don’t know), or maybe he senses some neurodivergence on me and doesn’t want that there. It’s not nice at all, but I honestly don’t know anymore. I just can’t think of any good reason as to why.
I’m just really fucking hurt. And don’t know what to do.
Part of me should be grateful I’m even invited to the wedding I guess. But it’s just really unfortunate.
What should I do? Should I ask H about it?
TL;DR, Cousin who I always thought was close to me is excluding me from his bachelor and wedding party, and him and his brother are acting like nothing is wrong, but I’m very hurt. Should I ask them about it?