My boyfriend (24M) and I (26F) have been together for over six months. Early on, he started getting upset when I went out late with male friends. We had a few fights and agreed on boundaries – no late nights or anything too intimate.
Since then, the boundaries keep shifting. He’s gotten uncomfortable with me grabbing coffee/brunch with men. He got upset over group photos where guys are too close/touching me. I refused to delete them. He gave me an ultimatum and even guilt-tripped me. He later apologized, and we moved on. He also wanted me to inform him in advance about any outings with guys. I agreed to inform him.
He now only “trusts” a few male friends. Initially, I was quite argumentative, but I have since tried compromises – reassurance, introducing him to my friends, inviting him to social events and informing him about all my plans with guys.
Despite this, we had issues and fights, and he often reacts immaturely / refuses to find a middle ground. He still gets uncomfortable / upset when I meet, mention, or post about guys. He says any guy would feel this way
Are these expectations reasonable? Or am I entering dangerous territory with jealousy and control? I’m strongly considering ending things, as this feels like a major red flag.
TL;DR: My boyfriend keeps shifting boundaries around my male friends, reacts immaturely, and refuses to compromise. I’m wondering if this is just jealousy or controlling behavior.
Comments
This would be a dealbreaker for me. My partner is perfectly comfortable with me spending time with guy friends because he trusts me, and vice versa. Your bf can have boundaries around what he finds acceptable, but those boundaries are for him, not for you. He’s being controlling, and the shifting goalposts are a huge red flag. The fact that he keeps fighting about you spending time with male friends indicates that he won’t be happy until you stop spending time with any men other than him. Then what’s next? Is he going to tell you not to speak to male coworkers? No more late nights with female friends? Where does the control end?
Most men would consider his requirements valid, but honestly it doesn’t matter what most people think. What matters is what you want in your life.
I have a few questions :