I’m not gonna go super into detail because both of my parents are on reddit and I’m paranoid, but for context I am adopted and I have felt that my dad especially has never truly accepted me as a part of the family. When I was younger he would abuse me physically and verbally. He blamed me for things that I very obviously didn’t do and he took every opportunity to make sure i knew i wasn’t welcome. Whenever me and my sister (his biological daughter) would argue, he took her side no matter what. It could be her arguing that she should be able to beat me and me arguing she shouldn’t and he would still take her side, no exaggeration, he has not taken my side a single time. He is less abusive now but it is still obvious to me that I am not an equal. My mom was never outright abusive although she does have anger issues and lashes out over small things, maybe just the aftermath of becoming a mom of 3 kids idk, and she also didn’t say or do anything despite her knowing about how he treated me.
now the problem currently is I am about to head off to college and I am feeling so irritable this summer in particular. It genuinely might just be me being a teenager but the simplest things fill me with rage. Again, keep in mind there is really nothing abusive to note that my family does anymore, there hadn’t been for years, only petty things that aren’t really worth noting in my opinion. My mom could ask me to do the dishwasher and in my head im cursing and clenching my fists. I cannot find it in me to storm out the front door or call them names, but I do seriously think about it sometimes. I slam doors and stomp around like a little child and I feel really immature for it but I feel like I can’t help it because i don’t know where else I could possibly let out my anger. I don’t lash out on anyone or anything else, in fact I consider my patience to be above average when dealing with anything except for my family, but I hate myself when I get angry and treat my family poorly for no reason. I’m not even entirely sure I’m acting this way because of our history, it could be something else but that is just my suspicion. How can I come to peace with my situation and stop being so immature?
TL;DR i am unnecessarily irritable and I think it’s because I feel inferior to my family because of how they used to treat me, how can I cope with my last few months before moving to college and get past our history?
Comments
Have they made it up to you? Have they sincerely apologized and made sure you know now how much they value and love you? If not, getting over it is not on you. You may be able to let go of those feelings but I think it would involve therapy and distancing yourself from them. This sounds like a crappy situation, I hope the summer flies by and college is great!
I am not sure why you’d want to preserve this relationship. Your parents sound terrible.
“but I hate myself when I get angry and treat my family poorly for no reason.” No reason? Your parents are abusive. No child deserves that.
My advice to you is find things to keep yourself busy & out of the house until you leave for college. I don’t know if you have a job, but if you don’t, get one. Stay busy, sock money away, and bide your time. Once you get to school, see if you can find a therapist or a counselor. You have a lot of trauma to work through. And you seem to be blaming yourself for your trauma response. Good luck. I hope college is amazing.
hate to say it but some people are this way. they adopt a child because they cant have one of their own. then when they do have one the adopted child gets put out. you are 17. you have a year before you can leave. do as much as you can to save up and stock up for independence. good luck to you