My father-in-law threatened me after we told him about our marriage. What should I do?

Hey everyone,

I’m posting here because I’m emotionally drained and need help processing a situation that’s been haunting me for weeks.

I’m 27M, married to my wife (30F). We’ve been together for about a year and recently got married in private. We didn’t tell her family right away—not because we were hiding it, but because we expected an intense reaction, especially from her father (67M), who has a long history of emotionally manipulative and aggressive behavior.

When we finally told them, her dad exploded. He shouted at us, insulted us, and acted in a threatening way. The very next day, he called like nothing happened and invited us over. We went, helped him all day out of respect, and later told him we’d be going back to our place to sleep. That’s when everything spiraled again.

He completely lost it. He screamed at us on the street late at night, threatened me with a sharp object, and at one point grabbed his daughter and said something that shook me deeply—asking if I would protect her if someone ever tried to hurt her. It felt like a disturbing test, or maybe a warning. Then he made another awful, inappropriate comment involving my mother, clearly just to provoke me emotionally.

I didn’t fight back. I ran—literally ran—to de-escalate the situation and protect my wife from further harm.

We left and haven’t seen him since. A few days later, he sent me a long message full of emotional manipulation. He flipped the story around and framed himself as the victim, claiming I disrespected him, that I “took something from him,” and demanded I apologize so he can “begin to heal.” He painted himself as a traditional man with values I couldn’t possibly understand, blaming my upbringing for the conflict.

My wife is taking some space from him. She’s emotionally intelligent and incredibly strong, but she’s spent her whole life managing this kind of behavior. He used physical punishment on her as a teen, and now uses guilt, shame, and emotional threats to pull her back into the cycle. She’s conflicted, and I understand why—but I also know we can’t let this continue unchecked.

I feel like I stepped into a long history of trauma I didn’t create. I want to protect my relationship, but I also need boundaries. I won’t offer an apology to someone who tried to intimidate and humiliate me—and who still hasn’t acknowledged the pain he’s caused.

Has anyone dealt with something like this? How do you support your partner while protecting your own emotional safety? Is it possible to repair something like this—or is cutting ties the only way forward?

I’m not looking to start drama. I just want peace and honesty. If you’ve been through something like this, I’d really appreciate hearing how you handled it.

⸻

TL;DR:
After telling my wife’s father we got married, he reacted with rage and threats. He made disturbing comments toward both of us and later tried to guilt me into apologizing. My wife is taking space but still affected by years of emotional manipulation. I want to protect our marriage without losing my peace. Anyone navigated something like this?