We’ve been together for 11 years. High school sweethearts. I (27F) love him (28M), he’s my soulmate, my best friend. We do everything together. I can’t imagine life without him. But his anxiety is out of control. He has a bachelors in chemistry. We both graduated in 2021. He has yet to get a job. Covid made it hard for everything, but ever since then he’s been.. stuck. He will not make any moves (or so it seems to me) I helped facilitate a job for him( low paying, manual labor) that my buddy got for him. he worked there for 8 months, then quit unexpectedly (he was concerned about OSHA violations) but then didn’t take my buddy’s offer to get the job back. It’s been almost 5 months since this happened.
We live with his mother currently, so we don’t have any bills to pay. All he does is sleep and play video games. I know he’s depressed, and has been a ball of anxiety from the get go. I’ve talked about counseling but he just lost his health insurance (because he doesn’t have a job) so now thats off the table. I wouldn’t be so upset if he did things around the house. No one but me cleans this house. I do all the laundry for us, clean, cook.
He’s applied to so many places and has had a couple interviews, but nothing has panned out, I believe due to the anxiety he deals with. He cannot have a conversation with anyone but me. He literally cannot talk to people.
I’m frustrated. I feel he isn’t trying hard enough but he’s making an effort so I don’t like to push too hard. But it’s getting to the point of me saying, how much can I realistically take? This is causing me so much anxiety and I feel like I’m more of his mother, not his girlfriend, and he gets mad when I harp on the issue. What do I do?
TLDR: my boyfriends anxiety prevents him from employment and I’m having trouble coping
Comments
His anxiety isn’t his fault but it is his responsibility, and it’s okay to dump someone who refuses to take care of themselves, even if their ailment makes that hard
he needs help. quick. this kind of depression/anxiety/mental health issue WILL ruin his life & your relationship. he needs to get a job (even part time) that has insurance, and he NEEDS therapy. even online therapy could be an option.
I really commend your determination to help your partner. Too many people just default to ending an otherwise happy, years long, relationship because of some dynamic that has gone south. I wish you well and hope your boyfriend gets the help he needs because it sounds like he’s digging a deeper depression hole daily and from my personal experience the deeper it gets the harder it is to get out of.
Coming off of that (and this is by no means advice) I went through something very similar to your boyfriend and made a complete 180 of my life after taking shrooms one time and realizing what I was putting my beautiful, loyal, girlfriend at the time through. I came to the conclusion that she deserved better than what I was giving her and that I desperately wanted to make her happy.
We were living in slums with bugs and mice. Now I own land, a house, and we’re happily married with 2 kids. 15yrs together. Highschool sweethearts. Eachothers first etc.
The axeity is the excuse.
He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his life and take control.
I’m not disregarding his axeity.
He is allowing to control him.
People use all these mental issues as road blocks and complain they can’t do anything ect…
But than at the same time never seek help or actually put in the work just going to therapy does nothing but allow you a space to speak and understand it takes more than just that…it takes the person actually stepping up and out I to that discomfort.
As someone else said, his anxiety isn’t his fault but it is responsibility. Sometimes, people don’t take responsibility for their situation until they’re forced to.
But why would your bf change when you and his mom do everything for him? He’s being enabled. Most people don’t get that type of treatment and have to learn to take care of themselves despite mental health issues.
Leaving him might be the best thing you can do for him.
I’m only offering this perspective, because other comments covered all the reasons you should leave for yourself.
He needs professional help and medication. If he isn’t willing to do those things to help himself it’s time to reconsider