Hi all,
Firstly, sorry for the long post. My fiancée (26 LLF) and I (25 HLM) have been together for over 5 years. The difference in our libidos has been an issue for at least 3 of those years, but I kept hoping it would get better. We got engaged, and we’ve already done the legal marriage—our traditional wedding is next year.
We live together now, away from our families, and we’ve been living together for the last 4 years. She’s genuinely a great person—I still love her, and this isn’t me trying to tear her down at all, but I’m struggling.
We have sex maybe once a week, which I know isn’t the lowest out there, but it honestly feels like she’s doing it just to keep my mouth shut. There’s no passion, it’s always the same position, and any time I suggest something even slightly different, she gets irritated or shuts it down.
She often says I only care about sex, not emotional connection—but when I ask her what I’m doing wrong emotionally, she doesn’t really have an answer. I’ve tried to bring this up in a calm, respectful way so many times, but I just end up feeling like the bad guy for having needs at all.
We both come from very conservative families, and we live in a different city from them now. I’ve started wondering: do I just apply for divorce? Or is there anything left I can realistically do to save this relationship? And honestly, if I even mention divorce, I have no idea how our families will take it. I’m really torn.
If any of this makes me sound like I’m being a dick or unreasonable, please don’t hold back—I’m open to hearing it. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Thanks in advance.
TL;DR : Love my fiancée, but our sex life is pretty dead. She gets upset when I try to talk about it. Just not sure if this can actually get better.