My child has a child and is engaged to be married ( her baby daddy) Lately the dude can’t control his alcohol. We had family and friends over and I ask him to behave and control himself. That didn’t do any good. He got really drunk to the point he could barely walk. He and I were in the living room, everyone else was outside. He said “ can I ( perform a sexual act) ? In order to not cause drama I walked away and didn’t lose my mind. He apologized 3 days later. My question is do I tell my child and my husband or let it go. This would break my child’s heart. Or do I tell my child what type of person she is marrying or I do destroy everything.
Need advice
r/Advice
Comments
You tell.
You want to see this guy at Christmas for the next 40 years?
What does your gut tell you?
Show the receipts at least—have you heard of lying by omission? it’s going there.
If you tell the truth, it becomes a part of your past. If you lie, it becomes a part of your future.
TELL YOUR CHILD NOW!!! It is easier to get out of an engagement than a marriage!
He has a substance abuse issue, made a sexual advance at his in-law-to-be, and you ask if you should tell??? HELL YES!
You are not helping your child OR grandchild by staying silent over this.
How will you feel if he gets into a car accident while he’s drunk and they’re in the car???
How will you feel if he flies into a drunken rage and beats them???
STDs are asymptomatic in many women. How will you feel if she becomes infertile from chlamydia she never knew she had, and can’t have more kids?
Gets cervical cancer someday because he gave her HPV?
Dies of AIDS because he i fected her with HIV?!?
Gives her the incurable and painful genital herpes?
You have a moral obligation to tell your daughter and protect your grandchild!
That’s a tough one , I get how precious your daughter is to you and you want the best for her , raising a child alone could be really hard but also is raising one with a guy without morality, he’s also going through a tough time and can’t handle it so he’s drinking to get his mind to calm down,do you see him as that kind of person without morality or it’s was caused because of drinking?!
Why would he say such an inappropriate thing to his mother in law? “ Can I (sexual activity)” WHAT?? Yikes, and ew? I would only be able to judge that horrible event by the way the apology was worded. Was he genuinely sorry and upset he said that to you?
I think it’s worth it to tell your daughter what he said to you while he was drunk. I’m not sure what your relationship and closeness is with her, but as a daughter myself I think it would only be fair to hear how someone (especially my future husband and father of my child) was being inappropriate with my mother while I wasn’t around. —Telling your husband is up to you, but obviously this might make him dislike your daughter’s baby daddy, and all in all he’s not the one involved and may make the situation bigger than it sounds like you want it to be.
Did they planned to get married before the baby or because of the baby?
Tell your child. But I suggest you talk to a professional about HOW to say it.
After you speak with a professional and have a solid plan, tell your husband the whole story.
IMO, it might be best to speak to her along with the professional about the damage that alcoholism does to both a marriage and to the children in the family. She will say she loves him, and you have to accept that. However, for the sake of her child as well as any marriage, she needs to insist that he get into a program, get sober, and be sober for at least two years before they live together or marry.
If you tell he will deny and your daughter will be devastated. I would tell your husband and get him to have a word with him to pull himself together and never speak to his wife again in that manner.
I would tell husband, father of the bride to be. Then I would tell the baby daddy that you would share the incident if he didn’t go to rehab before the wedding.
His move.
She needs to know exactly who she is marrying. Tell her.
And ban him from your gatherings in your home because he can’t control his drinking. Say he embarrassed you and himself, and he will not be allowed to do it again. It is non-negotiable.