My boyfriend (25M) and I (21F) have been together for two years.
When we first moved in together, he had a good job in the town he previously lived in. However, six months into living with me, he quit his job, saying the 45-minute commute was too much. He made good money, and we were financially stable at the time. The decision to quit was completely out of the blue — he didn’t finish his two weeks and ended up getting into a heated argument with his boss.
A couple of weeks later, I asked him what his plan was for finding another job. He deflected the conversation, and at the time, I assumed he just needed a little time to regroup — but I was wrong. Two months passed with no job. At that point, my income alone wasn’t enough to cover all the bills, so we cut back on a lot of extra expenses and made do.
Despite not working, he wasn’t contributing at home the way I expected — things like cleaning, mowing the lawn, and taking care of our cats were neglected. I hadn’t noticed this before because he was working, and I didn’t mind doing it then. But now, we’re six months in, and he’s still unemployed. The only jobs he’s taken were two very short stints — each less than two weeks — that he quit for what felt like childish reasons, such as “they didn’t train me” or “I’m not doing that work for that little pay.”
This has created a lot of tension in our relationship, and I’m starting to wonder if all the “mothering” I’ve been doing is actually making things worse. He’ll go to one job interview and then wait for an answer instead of continuing to apply elsewhere. So far, all the answers have been “no” — which surprises me, because he has a strong resume and solid experience managing blue-collar jobs. He’s told me he no longer wants to work manual labor jobs, but there are plenty of non-blue-collar jobs available in our town.
I’ve even started donating plasma to make an extra $500 a month and have cut back on most of my hobbies to save money. Yet nothing I do or say seems to motivate him to get a job. I don’t know what to do anymore. Should I call it quits? If I continue letting him live off me without contributing, I know I’ll build even more resentment — which won’t be good for either of us. I guess my question is do I continue waiting for him to get a job or just kick him to the curb?
Comments
Tell your partner how you feel to resolve this
You deserve better. If he’s not willing to try or contribute it’s okay to put yourself first and move on
What’s your lease situation like? This guy is a damn child. He’s only going to get worse.
Stop doing basically anything for him. Start keeping track of how much money he owes you in your shared bills. I reallllly hope he isn’t on your lease.
Kick him out, he is lazy and irresponsible. He will continue because you are enabling his behaviour. Why are you making sacrifices to support a hobosexual.
Dump him. You’re donating plasma to make ends meet and he’s happy to do nothing. He’s not a partner.
Depression?
You need to have another, and perhaps, the last talk with him. If things continue this way, you’ll only resent him more and more. You deserve a partner who is willing to put in his fair share of the work, but he isn’t even taking care of your home while he waits for the next job? Nope, you’re taking it too easy on him. He needs to realize that you’re not willing to put up with this kind of childish behavior anymore.
It’s up to you, but as someone on the other end of this once— please make sure to clearly communicate that you can’t continue to do this anymore and something has to change by a certain deadline. My unemployment dragged on too long and my gf dumped me and I felt blindsided. I probably shouldn’t have but she just wasn’t communicating with what was really happening, on the outside she was fine. This caused so many issues in our relationship that we’re still dealing with now, so yeah, please communicate where you’re at and what you need and when, and after that it’s all up to him.
I work, have a house and am looking for a great woman. 😜
He has baby boy syndrome. He wants to be mothered
No More, No More, No More
Hit the road Jack, and don’t ya come back no more
Behavior is a language. What is his behavior telling you?
It kinda sounds like he’s only with you so you will take care of him. You guys haven’t been together that long. For him to quit his job so quickly after you moved in together seems like a red flag.
He needs to grow the fuck up, it’s not your job to be his mother.
He either puts in the work at a job and pays his way or keeps the house clean and tidy like a good little house husband.
Too many men and women these days expect their partners to do everything work,cook,clean without putting in any effort themselves fuck that the one who’s putting in all the work ends up feeling used.
The other will cry poor me, fuck that shit don’t be like me and let it get to the point where you are trapped dump his ass.
How am I trapped, every time I try to talk to my girl she just cries or starts a big ass “poor me” bs talking about suicide etc. Oh she can’t cook, clean or get a job because of trauma, apparently her mother was too tough on her when teaching her how to cook and clean…. this bitch is nearly 30 and can’t even make her own fucking toast in the morning 😒
She wont eat till i get home then the moment I walk in the door she’s demanding I cook for her like bitch I just worked 10 hours I am going to sit down and relax first.
She doesn’t clean just watches me clean, if I ask her to do a specific task to help while I’m cleaning I get some bs excuse.
I tried breaking up a few times that ended up with her in the er….
Honestly this shit is pushing me to a limit, I am going so cold in an attempt to not let her affect me. I am genuinely starting to hate her.
Long story short op this is what happens after 2 years with someone who behaves how your boyfriend does, this is your future with him if you let this go on too long, don’t be like me make a choice to be happy with someone else and not miserable with someone who won’t put in the work.
I have no clue how others can be so tolerant to people like this… I find it so unthoughtful when family or partners are free and choose not to contribute around the home.
It’s not even about getting the damn thing done with the ample time you have, but more so about making life easier for the people you supposedly love.
You deserve SO much better… reading this made me sad for you… I bet you do love him a lot, but at the end of the day the only person who will really look out for you is yourself and you need to make sure your happiness, peace, mental health, etc. are protected… find a partner who will show you that they want to contribute and/or have you not lift a finger
Oh you running a day care over there! Kick his ass out asap
I mean you’re at the selling blood phase. He’s obviously a bum. Leave.
Girl, get out while you’re still young! Go! As fast as possible!
Let him know he has 4 weeks to be back at work or you’re done with him. At 4 weeks when he has no job, leave.
I could say all sorts of things to give you a reason to get out- obviously, you should end this situation. But: one extra thought: IF he does straighten himself out and return to a productive life…. What’s to ensure that he doesn’t pull this trick again? You do not need a parasite at your age.
You are young, just getting really started at your age, and the thought of having a partner that all of a sudden, every now and then, decides to just go inert, is potentially a life destroying thing. IF he does turn back into a functional person, what’s to guarantee that in a given time, he won’t pull this again. And… IF you have married him (by some freak decision) and ESPECIALLY IF you have a child… this is so many types of horrible!
You don’t need an adult “Infant,” who needs total support- PUT HIM ON THE STREET!! NOW!!
… And… where he goes is not your problem. LITERALLY… put him on the street!!
Wipe your arse of this immature fool and move forward with your life
This fool isn’t a partner, he is a liability
He’s a hobosexual.
Quit supporting him.
Kick him out.
You deserve better.
I’m sorry, but your partner isn’t “unwilling”. He’s lazy, & using you. You need to cut your losses, & end this relationship.
The minute he quit his job with no plan was when you needed to kick him to the curb.
He was waiting for you to come along get rid of him he’s a parasite
Leave.
It blows my mind how guys like this womans boyfriend can get boo’d up and taken care of yet plenty of responsible, driven men go without and lonely af.
You’re not “mothering” him, you are flat out mothering him. Stop being his mother. He is a grown up.
Please leave him – he’s using tou
Kick him out. If both of your names are on the lease (if you’re renting) or you co-own a house then seek legal counsel if you can as that can be messy. He is 100% mooching off of you and will continue to do so until he can’t anymore. Animal neglect, you donating plasma, and house neglect are NOT acceptable. He needs to go and you need to reevaluate what you look for in a partner.
It will only get worse. He’s a baby looking for a mommy.
You really need strangers to tell you this man is freeloading off you? You are worth so much more, it’s time for him to hit the road. But I think you knew that coming in.
Be prepared to be strong. When you tell him to “git gone,” there will be crying and promises to do better. And for a couple weeks, he might. But he “just won’t be able to find a job that suits him” or some such. And after a couple weeks, he’ll fall back into his old habits. How do I know? He’s got what he wants now. Life of leisure, doing what he wants when he wants. And he’s got you to slave away for him at work and at home. You have a toddler, not a partner.
He’s gotta go.
He needs therapy. Something is going on. If he’s unwilling to figure out what’s going on then it’s probably best the relationship ends.
He is a hobosexual. Dump him.
Your boyfriend has some serious character flaws that I’d consider deal breakers. You deserve better and don’t feel guilty about wanting more.
Before we married my husband was laid off from a 6 digit corporate job. He applied to any job he could find without any shame (food service, minimum wage jobs) because he figured some money was better than none. They wouldn’t hire him because he was overqualified but he was able to get another good job after a few months. I have always admired that he proved when we married he wouldn’t sit around when there was work available. This is the same attitude he had when we had newborns, he did his share of childcare and housework without me telling him what to do.
We can’t change them. They don’t suddenly develop initiative by watching us do the work. You just have to find them ready made somehow.
Is he having a mental health problem ?!?!
If he had any desire to contribute to the household, he would have been out there donating plasma to help cover bills.
Instruct him to pack his crap in the traditional matching luggage set of the modern hobosexual (trash bags and Walmart bags) and change the locks on your door. I suggest having a few addresses of nearby men’s shelters written down to assist with his relocation. Do not give him a ride to the shelter because he will refuse to exit the car once you get there and he figures out that you’re not bluffing.
Wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors & block his ass.
Dump the whole man and never look back. His true colours are coming out. Do not get stuck being Mom #2.