TRIGGER WARNING: Talks of domestic violence and substance abuse
Ok folks, I have a great case of “who the fuck did I marry?” For you. I (27f) am currently working on divorcing my husband (33m) because of a situation this past weekend that involved him hurting me in an attempt to get my son out of my arms. Don’t worry, my son is totally fine. I have a bummed shoulder but I’m doing OK physically, and working on the mentally. We are hiding out somewhere other than home and have a protection order in place.
While gathering evidence to start our divorce proceedings I have come across A LOT of information about him that did not come up in my initial Googling post-first-date.
It turns out that this man has been married not once, but TWICE before me! He disclosed the first divorce to me, but denied ever being married before that. On our marriage certificate application he even told the county clerk that he had one marriage before. I found the case number and dissolution papers today through the county clerk in his home town and will be considering an annulment.
I also found out he has SIX DUIs and even spent a year in jail for one of them! And then spent a year without a license following his release. Alcohol is a major reason we are divorcing and he vehemently denies having an alcohol abuse problem. And every time he drinks, guess what? He starts searching for those keys!
He has TWO unspecified family violence crimes linked to him. One of them was dismissed, the other I’m having trouble nailing down what exactly happened because (surprisingly) he has DHS clearance and a TWIC card. That’s for my attorney to investigate.
I’ve spent two years of my life letting this man manipulate me and brainwash me. I’ve gone from someone who was charismatic and outgoing to a shell of a human being that only believes what he tells me to believe. I have a masters degree and gave up my career to stay home and be a house wife because that’s what he wanted. He indoctrinated me with antisemitic, racist, and homophobic views that I’m more than happy to get myself and my son away from. In the last few weeks we’ve actually gotten into heated arguments in public because I was starting to pushback on a lot of these views, especially with pride month happening.
I’m just relieved to be getting away. Today I walked out of the court house with a restraining order and breathed just a little bit. I’m hoping some day my son and I can move away and start over somewhere new, but for now he gets a few hours a week to try and be a dad per the judge’s orders and I’ll respect that.
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Backup of the post’s body: TRIGGER WARNING: Talks of domestic violence and substance abuse
Ok folks, I have a great case of “who the fuck did I marry?” For you. I (27f) am currently working on divorcing my husband (33m) because of a situation this past weekend that involved him hurting me in an attempt to get my son out of my arms. Don’t worry, my son is totally fine. I have a bummed shoulder but I’m doing OK physically, and working on the mentally. We are hiding out somewhere other than home and have a protection order in place.
While gathering evidence to start our divorce proceedings I have come across A LOT of information about him that did not come up in my initial Googling post-first-date.
It turns out that this man has been married not once, but TWICE before me! He disclosed the first divorce to me, but denied ever being married before that. On our marriage certificate application he even told the county clerk that he had one marriage before. I found the case number and dissolution papers today through the county clerk in his home town and will be considering an annulment.
I also found out he has SIX DUIs and even spent a year in jail for one of them! And then spent a year without a license following his release. Alcohol is a major reason we are divorcing and he vehemently denies having an alcohol abuse problem. And every time he drinks, guess what? He starts searching for those keys!
He has TWO unspecified family violence crimes linked to him. One of them was dismissed, the other I’m having trouble nailing down what exactly happened because (surprisingly) he has DHS clearance and a TWIC card. That’s for my attorney to investigate.
I’ve spent two years of my life letting this man manipulate me and brainwash me. I’ve gone from someone who was charismatic and outgoing to a shell of a human being that only believes what he tells me to believe. I have a masters degree and gave up my career to stay home and be a house wife because that’s what he wanted. He indoctrinated me with antisemitic, racist, and homophobic views that I’m more than happy to get myself and my son away from. In the last few weeks we’ve actually gotten into heated arguments in public because I was starting to pushback on a lot of these views, especially with pride month happening.
I’m just relieved to be getting away. Today I walked out of the court house with a restraining order and breathed just a little bit. I’m hoping some day my son and I can move away and start over somewhere new, but for now he gets a few hours a week to try and be a dad per the judge’s orders and I’ll respect that.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
This is… actually terrifying. I hope you can get out safely ♥️
This is scary. I’m so sorry you went through this. But by Christ you are a strong person. Well done you for escaping this awful nightmare with a clearly entitled arsehole.
Good thing you got out before it was too late. ♥️
You can do it. It does not matter who he is, today is the day you start to forget about him.
Thank goodness you’re out. Keep it that way and try to move for supervised visits only with your son. Considering his violent history, this shouldn’t be a problem. Ensure your lawyer knows everything
It’s crazy how many people justify their problematic thoughts by saying they’re protection others from foreigners/queer people etc. when this is what they do themselves. Hope he’ll leave you and your son alone and that you can finalise the divorce asap. If you can afford it, try to get yourself into therapy to make sure you have help processing the abuse he put you through. I wish you all the best!!
None of this was your fault, and you did what you had to do to protect yourself and your son. You’re not just surviving, you’re taking your life back. Wishing you nothing but peace and healing from here on out.
I’m sorry OP, but at least it wasn’t 20 years. Time goes really fast when you are in a relationship, sometimes even more so when abuse is part of it, and the idea of leaving is usually far away from reality.
Good on you, I wish you the best!
Congrats! You’re definitely not alone.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but I’m inspired by your strength, determination and courage. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize yourself and your son’s wellbeing. You’re not just surviving, you’re paving the way to a better future. We’re rooting for you.
If you two are doing the exchange of your son please do it at your local police department
This internet grandma is so proud of you.
You may feel like you are the shell of the woman you once were but you had the strength to gather yourself and child and leave. With a protective order. Not an easy feat these days.
Remember that’s just a piece of paper. Get a pew pew ! That protects you far better
Hopefully the visits between your son and your abusive ex are mandated to be supervised
Well done ! You’re an example to follow. Hope you and your son are and will be okay 🖤🖤
Just in case no one has already mentioned it, a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
Read “The Town of Castle Rock vs. Gonzales.”
“In the case Town of Castle Rock v. Gonzales, the Supreme Court ruled that a woman whose children were murdered by her estranged husband after police failed to enforce a restraining order did not have a constitutional right to have the restraining order enforced, and therefore, the town could not be sued for the police’s inaction. The Court held that the woman did not have a “property interest” in the enforcement of the restraining order, which would have triggered due process protections under the Fourteenth Amendment.”
Get a weapon, learn to use it.
Best wishes.
So proud of you for walking away and getting to a safe place! I hope that you and your kiddo can have a peaceful journey ahead!
Please tell me your son’s visits with his father are being supervised. There are ex spouses who hurt their own children in order to “punish” their abused ex for getting away.
You may want to get a handgun and very quickly learn to use it. A friend from high school got a restraining order on her violent husband. A week later he broke into the home and stabbed her to death. A restraining order is just a piece of paper, and a piece of paper does not stop a psychopath.
That history of DUIs alone should be grounds for supervised visitation only. When you add the violence on top of it (especially since you don’t know the extent of it yet) I’d be asking my attorney for an emergency injunction to keep this psycho away from your baby!
I have a similar story. I now have two young children and we are battling in court. He has been drinking and driving with kids in the car. If your current restraining order gives you an option to really control custody, do it NOW.
No one can make you racist…..
Keep safe and I wish you and your LO the best for your future
I’m so very sorry you and your son are going through this. Al- Anon is a free support group for families affected by someone’s drinking. You can find meetings in person or online. It could be a great resource for you. There are people in the rooms in Al-Anon that have had similar experiences. It sounds like a brutal situation, but you don’t have to endure it alone. Stay safe. Sending you love, courage and a hug.
The heavy drinking while he dated you was a clue. The racism and other hate-speech was a clue. Be sure to fix your picker.
Please be safe. Make sure you have no tracking features turned on on your phone so that he can’t see where you are at any given point. Wishing you and your son a happy and healthy future.
This reeks of AI.
Good luck to you and your son. Remember a protective order is just a piece of paper. Always be on alert. Get a note book and write down every contact (when, where and what happened, said) don’t rely on memory. Record if possible. Always act as if you are being recorded. Don’t add to is defense by being petty or a witch. Get child support payments through your attorney General office. That way they collect it and keep track of it ( they can take it from his paycheck). Good luck.
I love you for leaving. You can do this. You’re going to be yourself again! 💜
Oof, that is a LOT. So sorry he managed to betray you like that for so long. Be safe and I hope you’ll find real happiness.
Document everything when it comes to your ex. I’m glad you’re going to be free of him.
Wow you’re easily manipulated. Good luck
OP wasn’t clueless. If her now-soon-to-be-Ex wasn’t initially giving her clues that he was a bad guy, there was no reason for her to suspect him.
He’s creepy. I’m glad she’s leaving him.
Please, for the love of God please do not tell him you are leaving him. Start moving stuff out slowly, say you’re giving it away or doing whatever with it and start moving while he’s at work because babe you need to get out this is scary as fuck. Please don’t do shit nowadays and please again I beg you please do not tell him you are leaving him until you are in a safe place
If you want to know more, reach out to the ex that he never told you about… she could enlighten some of those dismissed charges.
Well, I hope those hours with the Dad are supervised
Average DHS employee right there
How long were you with him before you married?
crazy attracts crazy