long time listener and first time writer this is second time writing this because im bad at writing but got help this time and wanted people to understand better.
But I feel so alone right now. My sister (I’m 24F, she’s 25F) and I have always had the worst relationship two sisters could have. It’s always been a cycle of ‘forgive and forget,’ even though I’ve held back so many times and tried to keep my distance. Unfortunately, there are situations where I have no choice but to be near her, or our kids have to be around each other.
Back in February/March, we had two huge blow-ups (arguments). After the second one, I finally said, ‘I’m done,’ and I’ve stuck to it — no communication, trying not to see her at all. But because of our housing problems (we haven’t been accepted for a rental and don’t have enough to buy yet), my partner, our daughter, and I live with my mother.
Here’s where the main problem starts: during the first argument, my daughter (3F) and my partner (26M) were also at my mother’s house. By the end of it, all I remember is my sister shouting, calling my partner and me fat, and — for some reason — saying my daughter is fat too (which is not true; she’s a healthy weight for her height). She also yelled, ‘At least I can have kids and don’t have to make excuses for everything.’ She knows I have PCOS and struggled for two years to conceive, plus I had sepsis during labour and still have unexplained medical issues.
That was the first argument. The second wasn’t even an argument — she just started screaming. I had to get my daughter out of the house. While I ran back inside to grab my bag, I locked my daughter safely in my car for two minutes and thirteen seconds (I even recorded it on my phone for proof). When I left the house, I shouted something horrible at my sister’s boyfriend (or fiancé — it always changes). I know I was wrong for that part, but my sister has attacked my partner physically and mentally so many times that I just snapped. Her boyfriend just stands there and never tries to stop her.
After I left, my sister ran after my car and called the police, telling my daughter she wasn’t safe and that she’d help her get away from me. The police came, checked everything, and told me, ‘You’ve done nothing wrong with your daughter — you got her somewhere safe.’ Social services were also contacted but they were already involved with my sister anyway.
Since then, I’ve had to keep explaining to my daughter that she’s not fat and the police aren’t going to take her away from me. I decided the safest thing is to keep my daughter away from my sister whenever I can. I told my daughter that her aunty says naughty words we don’t say and has tantrums that hurt people, so we’re not allowed near her. I honestly thought that was the best way to keep her safe.
But now, in July, my sister helped her own daughter use the toilet at the dance school both our kids go to. Apparently, my daughter told her, ‘I can’t talk to you.’ When I asked my daughter, she said, ‘I only said hello.’ I made it clear I’d never be mad if she spoke to her aunty, but her story never changed — so I have to believe her.
My mum doesn’t want to be in the middle and says, ‘The kids shouldn’t be involved.’ I tried to explain that my sister involved them first by calling my daughter fat, threatening the police and social services whenever she’s upset with me, and putting those ideas in her own kids’ heads. For example, her oldest daughter (4) has called other kids at dance class fat (not mine, but still) and has told my daughter, ‘Your mummy is horrible.’
So AITA for involving my child — even though I’m only trying to protect her and explain things in the best way I can?
P.S. I’d really appreciate honest thoughts because I feel so alone
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Backup of the post’s body: long time listener and first time writer this is second time writing this because im bad at writing but got help this time and wanted people to understand better.
But I feel so alone right now. My sister (I’m 24F, she’s 25F) and I have always had the worst relationship two sisters could have. It’s always been a cycle of ‘forgive and forget,’ even though I’ve held back so many times and tried to keep my distance. Unfortunately, there are situations where I have no choice but to be near her, or our kids have to be around each other.
Back in February/March, we had two huge blow-ups (arguments). After the second one, I finally said, ‘I’m done,’ and I’ve stuck to it — no communication, trying not to see her at all. But because of our housing problems (we haven’t been accepted for a rental and don’t have enough to buy yet), my partner, our daughter, and I live with my mother.
Here’s where the main problem starts: during the first argument, my daughter (3F) and my partner (26M) were also at my mother’s house. By the end of it, all I remember is my sister shouting, calling my partner and me fat, and — for some reason — saying my daughter is fat too (which is not true; she’s a healthy weight for her height). She also yelled, ‘At least I can have kids and don’t have to make excuses for everything.’ She knows I have PCOS and struggled for two years to conceive, plus I had sepsis during labour and still have unexplained medical issues.
That was the first argument. The second wasn’t even an argument — she just started screaming. I had to get my daughter out of the house. While I ran back inside to grab my bag, I locked my daughter safely in my car for two minutes and thirteen seconds (I even recorded it on my phone for proof). When I left the house, I shouted something horrible at my sister’s boyfriend (or fiancé — it always changes). I know I was wrong for that part, but my sister has attacked my partner physically and mentally so many times that I just snapped. Her boyfriend just stands there and never tries to stop her.
After I left, my sister ran after my car and called the police, telling my daughter she wasn’t safe and that she’d help her get away from me. The police came, checked everything, and told me, ‘You’ve done nothing wrong with your daughter — you got her somewhere safe.’ Social services were also contacted but they were already involved with my sister anyway.
Since then, I’ve had to keep explaining to my daughter that she’s not fat and the police aren’t going to take her away from me. I decided the safest thing is to keep my daughter away from my sister whenever I can. I told my daughter that her aunty says naughty words we don’t say and has tantrums that hurt people, so we’re not allowed near her. I honestly thought that was the best way to keep her safe.
But now, in July, my sister helped her own daughter use the toilet at the dance school both our kids go to. Apparently, my daughter told her, ‘I can’t talk to you.’ When I asked my daughter, she said, ‘I only said hello.’ I made it clear I’d never be mad if she spoke to her aunty, but her story never changed — so I have to believe her.
My mum doesn’t want to be in the middle and says, ‘The kids shouldn’t be involved.’ I tried to explain that my sister involved them first by calling my daughter fat, threatening the police and social services whenever she’s upset with me, and putting those ideas in her own kids’ heads. For example, her oldest daughter (4) has called other kids at dance class fat (not mine, but still) and has told my daughter, ‘Your mummy is horrible.’
So AITA for involving my child — even though I’m only trying to protect her and explain things in the best way I can?
P.S. I’d really appreciate honest thoughts because I feel so alone
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