Obligatory please excuse any formatting issues, I’m on mobile!
Anyway, I (35f) have been dating my boyfriend (40m) for almost 2y. We do not live together, but we see each other frequently, and every other weekend when he doesn’t have his daughter, he normally stays here multiple days, so it’s like his “home away from home”. I do not stay at his house often because I am a single mom of a 14 year old, and I’m not comfortable leaving her alone overnight.
I have been short on money lately because all of my bills have gone up at the same time, so we’ve mostly been cooking at my house. Either I’ll grab a few things from the store and cook, he’ll bring food over he makes, or he brings over ingredients and I cook them. Once in a while we take turns treating for something cheap like pizza or other fast food, but for the most part we’ve been cooking.
A few weekends ago, I had literally zero dollars to grocery shop, so he brought over a bunch of stuff to last the weekend, which included frozen cheese ravioli and a bag of meatballs. After figuring out his bills, he discovered that he had some extra money to treat to a dinner out, so the ravioli ended up not being cooked. He said that he wanted to bring it home so he could cook it for himself and his daughter. Of course I said it was ok, he bought the food. Well, that was like three weeks ago. He’s been over several times since, and he never grabbed the food when he left, even after me reminding him several times.
Fast forward to today, I am in a spot where I’m broke until next payday and can’t go to the store until then. My daughter has a friend over, and I needed to cook them something for dinner. I looked in the freezer and saw the ravioli and meatballs were still there. I opted to cook them because it was an easy meal that I know the girls will eat. My boyfriend asked what I had for dinner, and I told him the ravioli, and he asked “my ravioli?!” And I said “yes”, and he got upset and told me “you could have asked me if it was ok and I would have said yes” “I wanted to bring that home to cook” etc. I thought he was joking at first, but he wasn’t. I didn’t think it was a big deal since it had been sitting in my freezer for three weeks, but with how upset he got, I’m starting to think I should have asked. So AITA?
ETA: To everyone commenting about my finances, my daughter is well taken care of. She doesn’t go hungry. She has snacks and food in my house that are just hers. This meal was literally to feed three people. I’ll never understand why everyone hates poor people lol.
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Obligatory please excuse any formatting issues, I’m on mobile!
Anyway, I (35f) have been dating my boyfriend (40m) for almost 2y. We do not live together, but we see each other frequently, and every other weekend when he doesn’t have his daughter, he normally stays here multiple days, so it’s like his “home away from home”. I do not stay at his house often because I am a single mom of a 14 year old, and I’m not comfortable leaving her alone overnight.
I have been short on money lately because all of my bills have gone up at the same time, so we’ve mostly been cooking at my house. Either I’ll grab a few things from the store and cook, he’ll bring food over he makes, or he brings over ingredients and I cook them. Once in a while we take turns treating for something cheap like pizza or other fast food, but for the most part we’ve been cooking.
A few weekends ago, I had literally zero dollars to grocery shop, so he brought over a bunch of stuff to last the weekend, which included frozen cheese ravioli and a bag of meatballs. After figuring out his bills, he discovered that he had some extra money to treat to a dinner out, so the ravioli ended up not being cooked. He said that he wanted to bring it home so he could cook it for himself and his daughter. Of course I said it was ok, he bought the food. Well, that was like three weeks ago. He’s been over several times since, and he never grabbed the food when he left, even after me reminding him several times.
Fast forward to today, I am in a spot where I’m broke until next payday and can’t go to the store until then. My daughter has a friend over, and I needed to cook them something for dinner. I looked in the freezer and saw the ravioli and meatballs were still there. I opted to cook them because it was an easy meal that I know the girls will eat. My boyfriend asked what I had for dinner, and I told him the ravioli, and he asked “my ravioli?!” And I said “yes”, and he got upset and told me “you could have asked me if it was ok and I would have said yes” “I wanted to bring that home to cook” etc. I thought he was joking at first, but he wasn’t. I didn’t think it was a big deal since it had been sitting in my freezer for three weeks, but with how upset he got, I’m starting to think I should have asked. So AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH because I knew my boyfriend said he wanted to bring the ravioli home with him, and I didn’t ask before I cooked it.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. He bought it. He said he wanted it. You should always ask before using or consuming anything that belongs to someone else. If you haven’t taught your daughter that, now is a good time.
YTA – not for cooking and eating it, but for not simply shooting him a text to ask or let him know before just doing it. Like he said, if you had just asked and told him that you had no food, he would have happily agreed. He doesn’t care that you ate the food, he cares that you couldn’t be bothered to shoot him a text just to let him know.
NTA your boyfriend reacted oddly. This is not a big deal. It’s been 3 weeks. Life is full of important issues to deal with. This isn’t one. We are talking about $15 at most here. Red flag. You were in a bind, it was there. Surely he gets that right?
NAH. I would apologize for the misunderstanding. And I would ask him if this ever happens again that he take the food the first time you ask so you don’t have to keep asking. Your daughter is 14 – she could have accidentally taken it and cooked it not knowing, so he shouldn’t keep stuff there that he doesn’t want to get used.
Also, I would caution that if you don’t have enough money to buy groceries to feed your daughter, you should never be spending money on a boyfriend or on dinners out/fast food. Any extra funds for the week or two should be set aside as holdovers for times like this.
NTA. It had been there for 3 weeks and I am sure you can pay it back at some point in the near future if he insists.
NTA. He brought it over for you to eat. You ate it. WTF?
YTA
> I am in a spot where I’m broke until next payday and can’t go to the store until then.
You are caring for a child. You need to be planning further out.
He left the ravioli in your fridge for “a few” weeks even after you reminded him “several times” to take it home. Enough said. Major red flag and there was no need for him to insist on guilting you. It’s just ravioli…that he basically abandoned in your fridge…for weeks! NTA and potential run girl run situation.
NTA Three weeks is long time. After two years, I’m surprised he’s still treating food in the style of a roommate who has dibs on what is bought or shared. Aren’t you both too old that ?
NTA. The man is 40 years old, his reaction is very immature
Did you let him hit
The appropriate way for him to react would have been “oh, I’m glad you made them. I kept forgetting to grab them, so I’m glad they didn’t go to waste.”
My ex did this to me once. He bought some cereal for himself and after about a week or so it was still unopened and my kid wanted some, so I let him have some. The ex got all pissy about it but I told him to suck it up and next time he buys food, eat it. (Not the reason we broke up, btw, but looking back, I wish it was)
Nta. He left it in your freezer for 3 weeks. Didn’t seem as though it was something he was that interested in cooking. It’s kinda an AH move for him to practically shame you for cooking food that he literally left at your house for weeks.
People are being so rude about the payday comment. My husband and I try to keep money out of our current accounts and put as much as we think we can spare into savings. At the end of the month I might be low on funds and instead of dipping into savings I will try to be frugal. We have thousands of £s, we aren’t living hand to mouth but it’s good to budget still. If that means egg on toast for dinner before payday then I don’t think that’s child neglect, I think it’s better than spoiling them. We never fully run out of fruit and veg., there’s always tinned or frozen.
NTA. It’s in her freezer for 3 weeks, it’s hers. When you’re in a relationship, you let things like frozen ravioli go. Especially if your girlfriend is in a tight spot. Nobody needs to get guilt tripped over that.