Hi guys. I have a part time job and I make a bit of money. My family is very poor, and my mother is going through a hard spot financially right now. She’s living off my brothers disability benefits and universal credit (I think this is known as welfare in the UK). Thankfully she doesn’t pay rent or water, because the council do I think, but yeah.
So. My mother and stepdad currently aren’t doing well financially. They did a foodshop, and brought home a ton of food. Last night I went to make a turkey sandwich. My mum said the turkey was “for my brother only”. She also said some other foods were only for my brother, and then for her and my stepdad, and kept going until there was basically NOTHING for me to eat.
I said this, and she said I had soups and tuna. Thats lirerally ALL. 3 cans of soup and some tuna. I don’t think soup and 2 cans of tuna is enough food, personally. She just said she’s “trying her best”. Like yea, she is. But I’m also a person and need to eat.
She also borrowed 80 pounds from me this month. I don’t make much at my job, and I have my own stuff to pay too. Would I be an asshole if I told her I’m not lending her any more money it she won’t even let me have a few slices of turkey? It just seems a bit unfair to me man
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Hi guys. I have a part time job and I make a bit of money. My family is very poor, and my mother is going through a hard spot financially right now. She’s living off my brothers disability benefits and universal credit (I think this is known as welfare in the UK). Thankfully she doesn’t pay rent or water, because the council do I think, but yeah.
So. My mother and stepdad currently aren’t doing well financially. They did a foodshop, and brought home a ton of food. Last night I went to make a turkey sandwich. My mum said the turkey was “for my brother only”. She also said some other foods were only for my brother, and then for her and my stepdad, and kept going until there was basically NOTHING for me to eat.
I said this, and she said I had soups and tuna. I don’t think soup and 2 cans of tuna is enough food, personally. She just said she’s “trying her best”. Like yea, she is. But I’m also a person and need to eat.
She also borrowed 80 pounds from me this month. I don’t make much at my job, and I have my own stuff to pay too. Would I be an asshole if I told her I’m not lending her any more money it she won’t even let me have a few slices of turkey? It just seems a bit unfair to me man
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I feel like I’m holding money against my mother, which isn’t really fair, and it is my brothers disability money we are living off
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You don’t specify how old you are but this sounds like abuse – you deserve to eat, and you especially deserve to eat just as well as everyone else in your house.
I hope you can get out soon, but in the meantime, don’t lend your Mom any more money. She’s shown you she won’t repay it or give you any better treatment. It’s always important to save yourself first – use that money to eat until you can leave.
NTA
But I’m surprised that you even have to ask. You’re lending her money and she isn’t letting you eat? Why are you being treated like Oliver Twist in your own home? Soups?! Seriously? Keep your money and buy your own food
Info.
You don’t say how old you are and if you are in school.
NTA. What parent goes to a food bank, then hogs all the food for three members of the family leaving one person, their kid no less, to F off with no food? That’s not “trying her best” by a damn shot.
Stay quiet for now, get your 80 quid back and then the Bank of Lonely Pride is permanently closed though you appreciated the patronage. You need that money for your own future and to buy as many fucking turkey sandwiches as you need.
YTA. I’m going to presume that you’re an adult. So you can buy your own food. Tuna and soup is a perfectly acceptable meal. You don’t owe your Mom a loan or a gift of money. But she had food for you, and since the money for food came from your brother, he gets priority.
Why don’t parents have jobs?
NTA. I would starve before my children didn’t eat! How long is three soups and 2 tunas supposed to last you? While they all eat and are satisfied in front of you! What wankers! Get your money from her immediately and don’t loan any more to her!
No more loans. Don’t say anything until this one is paid back. But then I suggest you move out.
NTA. That is unfair.
Need way more info:
Why are you only working part time?
How old are you?
As you’re working, are you providing anything aside from the loans?
Are you being paid back for the loans you’ve provided in the past
how old is your sibling?
I would tell her I’m eating food as she borrowed my food money from me. Starting next month, I won’t lend her my food money again
Updateme
NTA tell your mom that since she isnt letting you eat any of the food, that you need your money back now so you can eat otherwise you will take legal action.
NTA. You should be given the same food choices as everyone else. But if she’s really going to hold back on food, then you need to keep all your money, so you can buy your own food. That’s very reasonable.
More to the point though: Why is the good for for everyone else, and only a couple of things are for you? Are you the Cinderalla in this house? Is this the way you want to be living?
YTA. First eat the tuna and then ask for more if you are hungry. Sure your mother has taken money from you, but she is also living off your brother’s disability paycheck. She will naturally feel like reserving the best piece for your brother than you.
If she allows you to eat the turkey, then your brother will feel left out and rightfully too, since he too is paying to support the family. If you feel unfair, please do blame the situation you are in.
Nta. But borrow and lend are not interchangeable. They’re two completely different words with completely different meanings. You lend to someone, you borrow from someone.
Nta. I would rather starve then let my kid go hungery. That’s just basic parenting. Your mom is abusing you. Call your version of Family Services and report it. Idk what the equivalent is in the UK, but, up until the recent us regime destroyed our own welfare system, your mom would have at least qualified for food stamps and been able to buy a decent amount of food to feed you all with.
INFO: Are you an adult? Doe your brother require full-time care from your mother? Does he require a certain diet? Are you paying rent? What are the specifics of your financial arrangement in the house?
All of this matters.
You should have told her that.
NTA. Use the money you give her to purchase some food that is just for you. Lock it up if need be. Hide it.
NTA. Your parents shouldn’t be living off of your brother’s benefits. They should be claiming their own which would then have a dependents component for you and your brother (assuming you are under 18). This would probably be easier to live off as it would be more. It would also then leave the disability benefit (PIP/DLA) for your brother to do what it is supposed to; cover the extra costs incurred due to being disabled such as medications, doctors trips, additional aids and devices for care, specialist food etc. It isn’t up to you or your brother to fund your parents. You are more than contributing to the household if you’ve given her £80 and deserve to have food for you also. If you are over 18 though then you need to realise that she doesn’t have a direct obligation to feed you unless you contribute but she certainly has an obligation to seek out advice and begin the process of claiming the correct benefits for herself so as to not burden your brother.
NTA. Don’t give her money and buy your food. And of course make sure they don’t eat it