My husband of 40 years just confessed he had a sexual encounter with a work associate 25 years ago. Only it turns out it was much more than that.

July 27th is our 40 year wedding anniversary, and my husband just confessed he had a one night stand (don’t buy that) about 25 years ago with a work associate. i also worked at the company although in another area. I always suspected and when I confronted him, he always denied, said I was just jealous, whatever. At the time he started hanging out at “work gatherings” after work, with mainly single people. I was home with our sons at the time. He started to mention her name, and how they were just friends, but she would call him on a Sunday and say she passed out at the Banana Republic and had a concussion and couldn’t drive. He would drive to pick her up, he was usually drunk, and she would spend the night so he could drive her to work Monday since they were in the same building. she would act friendly to me, almost like she was both of our friends. It felt off to me, she called him constantly and he started to spend more time from home. This went off and on for about 2 years. Then she just kinda went away.

After he told me Iast week I was obviously not happy and wanted to understand exactally what happened. He claims it was only 1 time and he was so remorseful he couldn’t tell me. When pressed about why she continued to be engaged in our life, he said she claimed she got pregnant and it had to be his because her former boyfriend was infertile. So they had sex 12/22/1999. yes he remembers the date, and she told him on 12/29 that she was pregnant, claims she took a morning after pill the day after but it must not have worked. those dates don’t add up, but he said he didn’t really push it, he was trying bury it,but that because we have 2 kids he understands the timing of things and truly did not believe she was pregnant. Then apparently on 2/13 she claims to have terminated the pregnancy. Her brother supposedly took her for the procedure and then dropped her off home. My husband went over on his lunch break just to check on her, even though he didn’t believe any of it.

I will say this woman was an attention monger, claimed another manager got her pregnant and she miscarrried in the bathroom at work, she stole $10,000 from her prior boyfriends drug money and never told him, I could go on and on. So husband said he was afraid she would hurt his career, we just bought a bigger home and he was worried about finances and splitting up the family, blah blah. Not once did he say he loved me and how much he regretted it. The woman is off the chain, but I blame him. God gave man free will, and my husband ran with it.

So husband is having a hard time trying to understand why I am making a big deal out of it, especially since I suspected something was up, and besides it was 25 years ago. I am seriously considering divorce, I think his story is complete bs, I believe it was an affair and not a one time thing, and I also believe she did get pregnant, he just twisted the dates around. I also asked if they had sex in our house and he said of course not, and even if he did do anything so egregious it wouldn’t change anything.

So for the last few weeks I have gone through so many emotions, like it was last year and not 25 years ago. 25 years of him gaslighting me that there was no affair. Even though I questioned him at the time he lied, and kept right on messing around with her. I feel like an idiot that I didn’t push harder, that they were so blatant in flaunting their ”friendship”. She used to tell me she loved him like a brother. Thats sick and I feel totally humiliated til this day. And now every Christmas is ruined because he just had to share the date he had sex with her. Three days before Christmas and then came home to me after unprotected sex with that woman.

We are both 62 and retired, living in Charleston in a lovely home which I am thinking more and more about returning to the north to be near my mom and kids. The last 25 years have been mostly good, not great, but I feel like I am compromising my integrity and I don’t know that I want to be married to this man I don’t know. He can be quite the narcissist, is an alcoholic, and does nothing around the house.

I never thought I would be this person. Although I’ve always been too nice, not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings. Any advice would be appreciated. I’m so conflicted. Thank you