Seeking Advice: Trapped in Family Crisis with Father’s Alcoholism and Its Toll on My Life

I’m reaching out to this community for advice because I’m stuck in an overwhelming and painful family situation that’s breaking me down. I’m 26 years old, living in my hometown in India with my parents in a typical Indian household. My family includes my 54-year-old mother, who has diabetes, my 62-year-old father, a retired government servant and chronic alcoholic, and my elder sister, who is 31, married, and lives far away. I’ve been working from home permanently since 2019, which keeps me tied to my parents’ place. This situation is draining me emotionally, mentally, and physically, and I’m desperate for suggestions on how to move forward.

My father has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, but his drinking has spiraled out of control since 2019. Growing up, he was never emotionally present—my mother single-handedly provided the love, emotional, and mental support I needed. His only role was giving some money to run the household. Now, he drinks 4-5 times a day (4-5 AM, 9-10 AM, 3-4 PM, 8-9 PM, and often brings alcohol home for late-night drinking). He uses his pension to fund this, giving us a portion for household expenses and spending the rest on alcohol. His health is deteriorating—he looks frail, with loose skin and a bloated stomach, almost like a TB patient. We’ve tried everything to help him: Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, enrolling him in a de-addiction center three times in a year for a month each, counseling, and even locking him in a room. Nothing works. He follows a cycle where he drinks heavily, vomits, feels weak, takes a week-long break with health tonics and normal behavior, then starts slowly and ramps back up to 4-5 times a day. This has been repeating since 2019, and I’m utterly exhausted.

The worst part is his behavior when drunk. He comes home and verbally abuses my mother in ways that are cruel and beyond acceptable—degrading remarks that no one should endure, especially not my mother, whom I love dearly and can’t imagine life without. He also insults my sister, her in-laws, and her husband. I’ve reached my breaking point. His abuse is pushing me into depression—I don’t go out, have no friends, and live in constant fear that he might physically harm my mother. I stay home to protect her, but it’s taking a massive toll on my mental health. I’ve even decided against marriage because I don’t want to bring someone into this chaotic environment. This situation hit a low during my sister’s wedding, where my father and his brother caused a scene, and he was so drunk we admitted him to a de-addiction center the next day.

This crisis is also stunting my personal growth and career. I work a 3 PM to 12 AM shift, often staying up until 2-3 AM, which leaves me no energy for self-care. I look older than my age and have become slightly overweight. Recently, at a friend’s sister’s wedding, I reunited with my engineering friends, hoping to enjoy the day. But one friend bluntly said I look like an “uncle,” and it crushed me. My happiness vanished in seconds, and I felt horrible about myself. I have no desire to work on myself—I’m just surviving for my mother and sister. The constant stress and isolation have left me with no motivation to grow in my career or take care of my appearance. I feel like I’m wasting my youth.

Adding to the pain, we’ve lost all respect in our neighborhood and among relatives. They look down on us, treating us like daily wage laborers. Because of this, we’ve stopped interacting with neighbors and relatives, further isolating us. I often dream of disappearing to another country, living anonymously where no one knows my family’s struggles. But practical constraints make this feel impossible. Financially, I’m stable with my job, but I regret taking a car loan for my father. After he retired, he wanted a car because his friends had one, so I bought it to make him happy. He paid a 5-lakh down payment, but I’ve covered the rest and all maintenance costs. He hasn’t contributed a single rupee since, and I don’t ask.

Another complication is our house, built on ancestral land 15-16 years ago. If we leave, my father’s siblings and cousins might encroach on it. While we legally own the land, reclaiming it would mean lengthy court battles, which I want to avoid. This makes relocating to another city difficult, though some suggest it. Even if I switch to an office job elsewhere, I’d constantly worry about my mother’s safety. I feel trapped in the worst phase of my life, carrying the weight of protecting my mother, managing the household, and enduring my father’s abuse. I’ve tried every approach—persuasion, reasoning, punishment, manipulation—but nothing changes his behavior. I’m in invisible pain, and I don’t know how to break this cycle.

TL;DR: I’m 26, living in India with my parents. My father’s chronic alcoholism leads to severe verbal abuse toward my mother, pushing me into depression. I’m isolated, have no friends, and feel stuck due to an ancestral property that relatives might encroach on if we leave. His drinking has ruined our social standing, and I’m neglecting my career and self-care, looking older and feeling hopeless. I took a car loan for him, which I regret, and I’m just surviving for my mother and sister. Tried everything (AA, de-addiction centers) but nothing works. Need advice on protecting my mother, managing my mental health, and finding a way out.