Hey all,
So I (40F) have a backyard pool that I maintain myself. My neighbors (the Johnsons) have 3 kids (8, 10, 12), and we’ve always been cool. Every now n then, they’d ask to use the pool, but only if me or one of the parents was around. I’ve always said yes when that was the case.
Lately tho, the kids just show up asking to jump in, sometimes even walking right into my yard without asking. I’m usually working or busy, and I don’t feel okay letting them swim without an adult there. I got a fence, but still — safety’s a big deal.
Yesterday, the 12yo knocked, and before I even opened the door, the younger two were already headed to the pool w/ towels. I told them nicely, “Sorry guys, no swimming unless an adult’s here.” The oldest gave me attitude, saying I’m being mean and it’s hot out.
Later their mom came by and was mad. Said I’m being “unneighborly” and “ruining their summer.” Basically said I should let them swim freely since they “know how.” Felt super awkward.
So… AITA for sticking to my rule about no unsupervised kids in the pool?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
Hey all,
So I (40F) have a backyard pool that I maintain myself. My neighbors (the Johnsons) have 3 kids (8, 10, 12), and we’ve always been cool. Every now n then, they’d ask to use the pool, but only if me or one of the parents was around. I’ve always said yes when that was the case.
Lately tho, the kids just show up asking to jump in, sometimes even walking right into my yard without asking. I’m usually working or busy, and I don’t feel okay letting them swim without an adult there. I got a fence, but still — safety’s a big deal.
Yesterday, the 12yo knocked, and before I even opened the door, the younger two were already headed to the pool w/ towels. I told them nicely, “Sorry guys, no swimming unless an adult’s here.” The oldest gave me attitude, saying I’m being mean and it’s hot out.
Later their mom came by and was mad. Said I’m being “unneighborly” and “ruining their summer.” Basically said I should let them swim freely since they “know how.” Felt super awkward.
So… AITA for sticking to my rule about no unsupervised kids in the pool?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my neighbor’s kids they couldn’t use my pool unless an adult was present, even though they said they were good swimmers and it was really hot out. Their mom later got upset and said I was being unneighborly and ruining their summer. I’m wondering if I might be the asshole for not just letting them swim, since I do have a pool and they’re kids just trying to have fun.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Kid drowns in your pool – you’re liable. Mom wants to complain, then she should come supervise. Not your job to be babysitter or lifesaver.
The audacity of this woman. NTA. She’d be the first to sue you if they got hurt or drowned.
Sucks that you let them in the first place but it’s your prerogative to change your mind in accounting for their safety.
def NTA, i would not want that responsibility unless their parent is supervising lol. even then, p sure you’re liable for anything that happens on your property.
NTA at all, the entitlement the mother has, you have been so generous to them sharing your pool space with them
and the one time you declined due to not being able to supervise their kids due to any dangers that might have happened, they get entitled and mad at you?
OP, you did the right choice, it is not your responsibility to take care of their kids and to make sure they have a good summer, that’s their kids parents job.
Your pool your rules….if they don’t like your rules then tough….NTA
NTA. First of all, it’s your pool and your property. You are well within your right to not let the kids use the pool at all, but you’re being a good person and letting them use it responsibly. It’s not only a huge safety issue but also a huge liability for you. That same mother who’s bitching you out for ruining their summer would probably be the first to sue or press charges if one of her kids drowned in there. Besides, just because you know how to swim doesn’t mean you’re immune to drowning. Anything can happen. She has no right to act so entitled about YOUR property. If she wants her kids to be able to swim unsupervised then she can get her own pool, otherwise her kids will need to follow your rules
NTA thats a huge liability risk, if they get hurt or drown even if another adult is there, you’re the one who’s gunna get sued, tbh the way they and their mom is acting I wouldn’t let them on your property again at this point.
Nope. Because whose fault would it have been if the unthinkable happened and no one was there? Yeah. Best to protect both the kids, and yourself.
NTA. Safety first, always. Unsupervised swimming is an accident waiting to happen. Stand your ground.
NTA – you know that if anything happened to the kids your neighbour would sue your ass off.
YTA for time-wasting.
You know you are not the asshole here.
This is more for the entitledpeople sub.
NTA. Stick to your rules it’s your pool.
NTA, your attorney and insurance agent would agree.
Obviously NTA, here in Australia any kids under 10 must be accompanied by an adult and some places under 5s you need to be in arms reach.
Wouldn’t you want to make sure your kids are safe? It only takes 10 minutes to drown and permanent brain damage in as little as 4 minutes
100% NTA
No adults, no swim, and make sure that they can’t reasonably access the pool without YOU present as you clearly can’t trust the parents given the entitled behaviours. Set dates and times when they can use the pool: any other time, it’s closed, your pool, your rules.
Might be worth googling some of the tragedies that have already happened and showing to the mum with a “THIS is why. I am happy for the kids to use the pool. I will NOT run risks with them.” Don’t argue any further.
Wow, absolutely NTA. Children that age can have an accident so quickly. Honestly they shouldn’t be swimming unsupervised and anyone’s house, but especially not at a private residence that is not their own. I personally have a friend who lost her 8 year old at a camp lake event where lifeguards were present. It can happen in a moment.
NTA, If one of her kids had an accident around your pool with no adult supervision, I am sure their mother would be round in an instant blaming you and suing.
They’re done. No more pool at all. NTA
NTA it sounds like you are from the US? meaning you could be in massive seriously life altering trouble if something bad were to happen and the sue you left, right and center.
put up signs on your gate if necessary, or have mom sign liability forms if something like that would prevent any law suits.
NTA
Do you have a gate that you csn lock? If not, get one. Cameras and a sign as well if possible. Their mother clearly doesn’t care about their safety abut I’m sure she would happily blame you if something happened to any of them. Her attitude says she’s more interested in a quiet life than looking after her kids so they can no longer be trusted. Make it known around the neighbourhood that you don’t want kids swimming unsupervised.
NTA. Your pool, your rules. Plus, pool safety isn’t negotiable.
NTA
Ask the mom outright how she’d feel if one of her kids drowned while unsupervised in the pool.
Given the rudeness and entitlement, I’d be saying no from now on regardless.
Tell the mom she’s ruining their summer by not buying her own pool I would make sure there’s a camera pointed at the pool just in case Maybe fence your backyard?
NTA. Check out what happened to Barrymore.
Tell the mum they can swim if she supervises them.
Tbh I think you’re being incredibly generous letting them use your pool as it is. I’d have thought the best part of having your own pool was not having to share it.
One of the clearest NTAs ever. As a pool owner and insurance agent, I can tell you that you can potentially be held liable for one of the kids injuries or deaths even with an adult present. You would be absolutely justified in denying them use of your pool, period.
Your pool, your responsibility. I think I’d rather an uncomfortable conversation with the entitled neighbour than have to deal with one of her kids potentially being really hurt. Your instincts are right. But also, it’s not YOU ruining their Summer. You don’t have to let them near your pool. It’s her responsibility to entertain her kids not yours.
Absolutely NTA an 8you cannot even swim in a public pool ( that has lifeguards ) without a supervising adult , 8, 10 & 12 is far to young to be in a pool unsupervised
NTA – honestly I wouldn’t want her kids in my pool whether there was an adult there or not. The rule should be that one of their parents must be sitting in your garden supervising. That will end the swimming in the pool pretty quickly. Mum can take the kids to the beach or something or a local pool so their summer isnt ruined.
You need to get a lock on that gate and a sign that very clearly says no swimming without adult supervision. And consider getting a better barrier for the pool or a pool alarm. It’s 100% not safe to have a pool easily accessible to kids. But your neighbor is obviously an idiot. NTA
NTA. Get a contract drawn up stating when one of her kids dies from drowning whilst swimming unsupervised that you have no liability and their mother was aware of their actions and approved of same. ask her to sign it, if she declines as her why???
NTA and also grow a backbone and set some boundaries. You didn’t “ruin” their summer, you don’t “owe” them your pool !! WTAF.😳 don’t let them manipulate you. You let them a few times and now they think they can just stroll in like it’s their house? Put a lock on your gate. It’s not on. They need to learn manners and most importantly Boundaries. It’s not a communial pool is it?
Time for fences, cameras, no trespassing signs and responsibility waivers. They will absolutely get in when you’re not home and she’ll sue you so fast if anything happens.
Absolutely nta! The mom definitely is for being entitled and expecting you to allow her kids continued access to your property without following your rules. If she’s so worried about it being hot and her kids having fun, she’s welcome to run down to Walmart and buy a pop up pool for her kids. Even a hose and a sprinkler will do the trick! Pools are a huge liability so a competent adult being present is a necessity. Don’t back down on that! Even though they “know how to swim”, accidents happen and you’d be the one liable if they do.
NTA, they should be grateful you let them use your pool at all, with their attitude id probably put an end to them using it
NTA and this can turn into a big ass liability problem. If the kids are getting that brazen then they will probably try and access the pool when you’re not there. If you don’t already have a gate, no trespassing sign, and a camera you need to get them asap.
Definitely NTA. I have a pool, and #1 rule if kids are around is an adult who is not me has to be with them. This rule applies even to family.
Kids are a liability, even kids who do know how to swim. The neighbor is being entitled on top of expecting a free babysitter. Again, definitely NTA.
If the kids try to pull that stunt again, threaten to trespass them. I don’t know how nasty your neighbor was being; however, I’ve had to make that threat (and follow through, unfortunately). People tend to start behaving when you involve the police on something they know the police will back you up on.
NTA. If something happen, it is your ass that gets sued and might be in jail after. It is your pool, you are paing for it. So it is your rules. Tell your neighbour that you were nice to this point and let them come to swim. But if she thinks that means that they can swim anytime without your permission – that is entitled and you might just stop allowing them swimming all together. She can get a pool if she wants that her children can swimm whenever they want and by her rules not yours. Or you ask her (if you want to) that she is hiring a lawer to set up a binding contract, that the children are allowed in the pool alone (after asking and you are able to step back from the contract anytime you want) but that their mom is responsable if anything happens to them or your property.
NTA ! No way. If anything happens to one of those kids it’s on you 100% Also the way the kids are being disrespectful & the mother too. You’re not neighborly bc you want to be sure the kids are safe & supervised. Get out.
I would text or email the mom & let her know this is your policy for the pool. It’s not up for discussion. Having it in writing is beneficial if they continue to sneak in when you’re not there.
Even if you only allow it when their parents are watching. If their parents watches as they run around and hurt themselves in your back yard or pool you are the one that will be held responsible.
I wouldn’t allow it at all without a waiver signed by the parents.
NTA. Your neighbor is crazy entitled to think her kids should have free access to any part of your home, inside or out.
Have parents sign a liability waiver and then get the kids to do yard work for you lol
All good answers, and I want to add that these kids will likely extend an invitation to their friends to tag along some day and three kids will turn into seven before you know it. Surprised neighbor mom isn’t inviting herself over as well.
Locked gate, cameras, sign, liability waiver and the kids do chores to earn swim privileges.
I say this as an Australian – NTA!!!!
Unsupervised children in a swimming pool is a legal offense in my country, it comes with fines and jail time. Tell your neighbour to bugger off from this aussie. Water Safety is PARAMOUNT!
This is a straight up safety concern. It’s not about them knowing how to swim, it’s about accidents happen, especially to rowdy kids, and kids can get brain damage or die really fast if that happens. Stick to your guns, you’re doing the right thing. NTA