Recently I have been facing the reality that I won’t ever truly excel in anything. Sports, music, career, money etc.
I am firmly average in almost every aspect of life.
Growing up I thought I’d end up being great at something, I just hadn’t figured out what yet.
Nowadays, I’m in the acceptance phase but it’s quite painful.
Any advice?
Comments
Average is just a perspective. You’re better than some people at some things, worse than others at some. That’s what gets me by! lol.
I don’t settle for being average. I am always looking to improve in areas where I can improve myself.
If you’re average you’re doing better then 50% of the people
Most success people were average people who tried
I just like to look at it like a less pressured existence. A lot of people feel a lot of pressure to excel at something, or to make something of themselves. But not us. We get to just live life how we see fit. No pressure to succeed, no pressure to provide, no pressure to be there for someone, none of it. We can enjoy our own successes without feeling guilty we didn’t do better. It can be isolating at times, but I do get a morbid sense of peace from the lack of pressure and expectation.
It was honestly kind of reassuring. I’m clearly capable enough to get by, and there is no pressure on me to be the ‘best’ at anything. I realized that making enough to retire comfortably, and having a family that loves me, is a fine life goal.
It lets me focus on the things I like.
I went through the same here but I’ve made peace with it. I’m starting to realize that there are a lot of beautiful things in life other than fame, money, … I’d rather have a loving family, wife and kids, and live a normal average life, than go chase that highly competitive and risky life that may or may not take you to “success”. And even if it does, it’s probably not worth it.
Being great doesn’t mean being better than everyone else. Great people make the world a better place and there’s no quotas for how many great people there are.
Every person can make a positive impact in the lives of those around them in a way that nobody else has.
Why does it matter to you?
You just need to start seeing the beauty in a normal life
There will always be someone better than you in something. The point isn’t to be the best, it’s to enjoy doing what you do.
Almost everyone is average. I don’t compare myself to others, I compare myself to earlier me. If I’m doing better than in the past, I’m doing something right.
You’re great at being alive! If you wasn’t, this post wouldn’t exist, that’s gotta count for something, right? People are better than me and you at a lot of things, doesn’t mean we’re not better at anything than them. Even if you feel like your average at everything now, I’m sure you will flourish at something, maybe you haven’t found it yet. I don’t know your age or circumstances, but we all have things we are stronger in than those around us. And if you’re not, fuck it! Doesn’t make you any less of a person or mean you can’t enjoy the beauty in life.
Meh, it ok
Couldn’t tell you why, but I’ve always refused to be average. If I find something I like I get obsessive about it till I feel like I am at least slightly above average at said thing.
Work on improving the things you can
You could cry about it, I guess.
The idea of there being an ‘average’ percentile of the population that you fit into for all these predetermined categories is just a mental prison you’ve put on yourself.
I’ve been told all my life one way or another by most around me that I’m nothing special, stupid, a loser. So it’s never been a fact I’ve struggled with.
I tend to focus on things I’m better at than most people and exploit that and not think about all the ways I’m not as good as other people.
I come to terms with being average is by knowing I can’t be doing extraordinary all the time in my day to day life and that’s neither healthy
I also make sure the people I compare myself with are also someone who are extraordinary who’ve been average as well feel worst than what I feel at times
So being average is very gray area.
Like, if I come across a beggar while travelling to work and worrying about achieving success solving a problem all of a sudden I feel grateful I did not have that childhood of going car to car and begging, getting treated like trash, super complex childhood traumas etc
This makes me think what makes us average vague, very subjective and illusionary about state of mind
I take enjoyment in the things that matter, not the things that I’ve failed in.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
The only thing that matters is whether you’re becoming a better person than who you were the day before.
Infact, I wouldn’t even call it becoming better. More about being aligned to who you truly are, your core beliefs , living your life in truth and not giving a damn about what others think of you.
At the end of the day, we all are going to die. So why or what does it matter anyways if you have more money or success or goals or ambitions or places that you’ve visit or mountains and obstacles that you’ve climbed to get to your so called position in life..
Honestly, who cares??
I think it’s stupid and silly of people to think that success is what we should all be striving for. To me, YOURE ABSOLUTELY AVERAGE if you define yourself by those metrics. – that’s what the majority of people do and that’s what being average is all about.
Stop following the majority and start listening to your inner voice and heart.
Would you listen to my advice? Probably not and that’s why you’re unhappy , unsatisfied and quite frankly, AVERAGE.
You can end up great in many things if you are focused, you put in the work to progressively improve your skills.
I literally just refused
Honestly, I didn’t. It led me to take bigger and bigger risks until i succeeded.
I may be average in all the measurable ways. Income, assets, accomplishments. But to my family, and friends. I can be, and am, irreplaceable.
Be glad you are not an asshole or a loser.
I follow the words of the great philosopher mediocrates. “Meh, Good enough”
Check out WoopMyLife (.org) Set realistic personal goals and work toward them daily while keeping track of your efforts in a diary. When discouraged look back at what you’ve done so far. Reiss’ book, “Who Am I?” (Amazon) will help you figure out what sort of partner you should pursue. Gottman (.com) will teach you how to stay married for good.
I’m not average and I feel great 🙂
Being truly great at something takes some talent and an absolutely obsessive level of dedication.
Most serious marathon runners peak at 70 miles a week. Most of them also won’t qualify for Boston. Some elite runners will double that at their peak.
The difference between really freaking good and “great” is literally twice the effort.
The trick is to find something to which you can and want to devote more time and effort than the vast majority of people. You still may not reach greatness, but you’re almost guaranteed to end up far, far better than average.
Guaranteed your way, way above average somewhere in your life. Without a doubt.
Read Stoner by John Williams
Accepting life isn’t a competition I suppose.
Enjoy all the moments that you can, life is good
Average in what… That is the question? You can say everything because ” You don’t know how good you’re at something you never tried”.
Are you talking looks?
Build/weight, physical.
Height, worrying about those stupid online videos.
Money, that takes time to build/make.
Love, relationships, family…because in the end that’s how great a life is judged.
Honestly, if you can just put one foot in front of the other — remaining cautiously optimistic — you can get yourself to a situation in which you perceive yourself as much better than average. I’m talking about financial security more than anything else; the more of a nest egg you build up, the less you will think about not being a superstar.
I suggest that you try to avoid as many dumb financial decisions as possible. Don’t buy expensive cars — don’t churn through cars every 2-3 years — keep a car for at least a decade at a time. (My daily is a 2009 Honda Odyssey that I love.) Contribute a piece of every paycheck to a retirement plan. If your plan allows auto-increases, set it to increase your contributions by 1% every year.
If possible, try never to miss a paycheck. I’m not naive — I have been fired twice and laid off twice — but the more stable your income, the fewer financial problems you’ll have later on. Work a second gig for a while if needed. Consider getting a roommate if you’re single. If you don’t own a house, scrimp and save toward a down payment.
I can see retirement on the distant horizon. If I can just keep chugging along at my current job for a few more years, I’ll be set for a very comfortable retirement. And that is making me feel well above-average.
You don’t have to be the best musician or basketball player. Focus on being the best at finding happiness for yourself.
I did not min max my life. Everyone has the same number of minutes in a day. Some people get to spend less time doing things like dishes or making money to pay rent, which is an advantage for sure. Today, even if you are a freak of nature at something, to be the best you have to commit ALL of your time to it to be the best, so you can beat all the other freaks. I stopped trying to be the best at any one thing. I try to be Jack of All Trades. A Master of None, yet always worth more than a Master of One.
Say it with me now folks
“IT IS WHAT IT IS!”
not happened to me yet
I was kicked out at 17. Was fine at the time because I thought I had a good job and 10k in the bank (worked through high school and saved, saved, saved). I got an apartment, a used car, and started community college and was going to be a teacher. Things were great!
Then one Monday I got a call from the bank: my account was severally overdrafted. I had deposited a paycheck on Friday, drove down and paid my next semester tuition with a check, paid for books with a check, bought a tank of gas and a pack of cigarettes on my debit card. Welp, the paycheck bounced, but the bank had allowed everything else to go through. The check would’ve kept my checking account with enough money in it to survive, but because of the bounce and then overdraft fees, it had escalated to an extreme. That $6 pack of smokes? ~$30 overdraft fee for the transaction.
I went to my boss and they said they’d fix it, was a clerical error, yada yada. Long story short, it wasn’t, they were going broke. They helped me cover the debt then…the next one bounced. And the next. I was too young and dumb to take legal action, plus liked them enough that…it didn’t feel right. Tried finding another gig while maintaining school but then the car crapped out, and it all slowly went downhill. Ended up homeless working two jobs just trying to get by. At 19.
I’m almost 40 now and have a boring desk job, I own a house, have a wife and two kids, and two dogs. I’m never going to be a teacher, never going to be a rock star, never going to be on TV. But I sure as hell won’t spend another night homeless, and I’d say average is better than that. Others have said perspective too, but as someone who has experienced some pretty rough lows let me tell ya, if you find yourself average then count yourself lucky.
Average is effort focused, most people don’t put in the real effort required to hit the next level. My trick, overcompensate for being average by busting your ass to learn to do stuff (in an attempt to hide boring average from people). Then while still feeling pretty average you’re actually better than a lot of people at that thing. They just assume you have natural talent when it’s just sheer determination and obsessive hard work.
It’s not so bad! I have accepted that it’s my Karma in this life that nothing comes to me easily. I try to enjoy the journey, and I try as much as possible to not compare myself to others and find joy in their success
In the end you’re really only competing with the other, less-awesome versions of YOU
By telling myself I don’t need to excel at any of those things in order to be me.
Accept that you are actually way below average. You would need to try much harder to actually be average. Spend a few years like that, then accept that you are average and you will be glad for it.
The fun thing is that most of the really rich people are super fucking average when it comes to intellect. The place where they really differ is their willing acceptance of taking risks.
The dumbass who owns MyPillow had a $300M business.
Think about that. $300M and all he did was sell pillows stuffed with shredded memory foam. Any idiot could do that. That idiot actually took a chance and did it. And we know he’s an idiot because of how he’s cratered his entire fortune by believing a career fraudster and lifetime narcissist to the point that he blew millions and defamed people and companies while hanging onto his claims.
Everyone is average in most things. Pick any remarkable person you can think of, they are average in more categories than they are remarkable; they stand out because they are great at a few things.
??? Just because you’re average right now doesn’t mean you always will be.
Feel sorry for yourself for a little while (feeling sorry for myself is a guilty pleasure of mine) but then just try harder and you’ll get ahead of the pack.
For me? It’s when I accepted that there’s nothing wrong with being average. As long as you have a fulfilling life then it doesn’t really matter if you’re average.
I have a home, family, my needs are met and I generally don’t have a desire for luxury items so I feel pretty fulfilled even though people may call me average.
If you’re average right not but don’t wish to be then you should change that. Pick something you’re passionate about and stick to it. You’ll find that eventually if you keep at it, then you’ll be excellent at something. The main difference will probably the time it takes you to get there.
Being great at something takes dedication and years of consistent, meaningful and targeted training. The difference between a hobbyist and a true master is not only the hours put in: The old adage of “it takes 10 000 hours to master a thing” is misleading and needs a slight correction to reflect reality: “It takes 10 000 hours of proficient training to master a thing.”
Most people who truly excel at a thing have been focusing on that single thing for decades. I find too many things interesting to really focus on one thing that much, and so I’ve had to come to terms with the reality that I will never become a master of anything. I will become ok at most of the things I put my mind to, given enough time.
The good thing is that you don’t need to become the best to enjoy things.
If you live in the first world, with access to broadband internet, and are actively socializing on Reddit with free time because you have enough money not to worry about food or shelter, you are not average. You are probably amongst the .01% most comfortable humans ever to exist in the history of planet earth.
I know what you’re saying, but this is my version of “have some gratitude anyway.”
Yee thats kind of a toxic way tot hink about it imo
Why would you have to be great at anything to have any sort of value? You have value because youre you
Easy. I aimed low and I’m going to exceed it by a mile.
Life’s a blast if you have no expectations. Smell the roses.
I enjoy helping people when I can.
That makes me happy.
Fuck everyone else
Being ok at many things is often a more valuable and more sustainable skillset than being excellent at one thing.
I would say that I’m the same as you. What I’ve actually found is that later in life, it’s helped me a lot compared to people who excelled at one that didn’t lead to success. The Elite athletes I grew up with who weren’t elite enough to make it? Lost. Struggling.
I’m still working on finding my thing but I’ve found success in a couple different industries now and honestly, it allows me not to get too tied into something and miss opportunities cause I was doing “my thing”.
If you’re average, you probably have some marketable skills that others don’t. They may not make you an influencer or be hugely, publicly noticeable but figure out what you things you are above average at and leverage those.
I’ll give you an example: Thanks to my parents, I am pretty good at navigating office politics, definitely better than a lot of people. It’s led to multiple promotions, pay raises etc. It’s not flashy but it’s helped.
What else can you do ? By definition, most of us are going to be average or very close.
Seems pointless to rail against something like that.
Since most people are avg it should be kinda easy to accept that for yourself.
If you wanna be exceptional you gotta focus on whatever strength you got and let me tell you EVERYONE has strengths. If you dont see some in yourself dont be afraid to ask other people what they think they are..
lol am not even avg.