I, M20s, still live at home with my parents. My sister, F30s, lives a couple of hours away and comes home with her 3 kids (all age 5-10) every couple of months. I love my niece and nephews to death and always have a great time when they’re here. My sister, as much as I love her, has always been the type to over-demand and catastrophize even the smallest problem in her life. Train gets delayed and she thinks the world’s ending sort of stuff.
For context, we live pretty rurally and my parents house has more than enough space, 5 bedrooms total. My younger brother and I both live at home still. Yet still somehow when my sisters home, she insists that each of her children sleep in separate bedrooms as “she simply can’t get them down otherwise”. This ends up that she’s in one of the spare rooms, one of the kids in the other, and the remaining two are just given my brother and I’s rooms with us relegated to couches.
I’ve recently got a primarily WFH job and work from the desk in my room when home. My sister is coming over this week and my mum’s already tried to hint I’ll need to be out of my room while she’s here. It’s bugged me in the past when it’s happened but this time, with it interfering with my work setup and that not seeming to matter to my parents or sister, it just feels too far.
So, AITA for putting my foot down and not giving up my room for this? FWIW when we’ve gone away on holiday all together my sisters had the youngest with her and the older two share a room, so is more than capable when space is an issue. And call me old fashioned but I don’t remember a single holiday as a kid where my brother and I didn’t share a bed, and I could never dream of a situation where an adult would have been ousted from theirs to make room for me.
EDIT: Extra context that came to me answering the bot questions – the reason I feel like I might be the asshole for this is that my parents always just kowtow to my sisters demands and make me feel like I’m being selfish and unreasonable for pushing back against what I think are excessive and selfish demands from my sister. Feel like I’m being gaslit to feel like the selfish one here when I really don’t think I am, hence coming to the forum to ask.
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I, M20s, still live at home with my parents. My sister, F30s, lives a couple of hours away and comes home with her 3 kids (all age 5-10) every couple of months. I love my niece and nephews to death and always have a great time when they’re here. My sister, as much as I love her, has always been the type to over-demand and catastrophize even the smallest problem in her life. Train gets delayed and she thinks the world’s ending sort of stuff.
For context, we live pretty rurally and my parents house has more than enough space, 5 bedrooms total. My younger brother and I both live at home still. Yet still somehow when my sisters home, she insists that each of her children sleep in separate bedrooms as “she simply can’t get them down otherwise”. This ends up that she’s in one of the spare rooms, one of the kids in the other, and the remaining two are just given my brother and I’s rooms with us relegated to couches.
I’ve recently got a primarily WFH job and work from the desk in my room when home. My sister is coming over this week and my mum’s already tried to hint I’ll need to be out of my room while she’s here. It’s bugged me in the past when it’s happened but this time, with it interfering with my work setup and that not seeming to matter to my parents or sister, it just feels too far.
So, AITA for putting my foot down and not giving up my room for this? FWIW when we’ve gone away on holiday all together my sisters had the youngest with her and the older two share a room, so is more than capable when space is an issue. And call me old fashioned but I don’t remember a single holiday as a kid where my brother and I didn’t share a bed, and I could never dream of a situation where an adult would have been ousted from theirs to make room for me.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Putting my foot down on not giving up my room to what I perceive as my sister’s excessive demands.
2) Feel like the asshole as my family (parents specifically) always just try to keep the peace and inevitably kowtow to her, making me feel like I’m being selfish and unreasonable by not just doing what my sister wants.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
The idea of being kicked out of your room so each kid can have a separate room is utterly ridiculous.
If your sister insists on having separate rooms for each of them, she needs to get a 4-bedroom Airbnb.
Move out. Obviously you are not welcome at home.
Or threaten and prepare to follow through.
The house isnt big enough to host 4 guests and 4 residents.
5 bedrooms:-
1 for your parents
2 for you 2 brothers
Remaining 3- for your sister and her kids
She can make one of the kids sleep with her and the other 2 can go to the other room.
If she’s fine with this arrangement, she can take it or else feel free to leave.
INFO: Do you pay any rent to live there now you are working?
If so, stand your ground: if you can’t work, then you’ll lose your job. End of discussion, and your sister can scream and shout as much as she likes.
NTA. It’s such an old skool way of thinking that it’s ok to kick kids out of their rooms for family visits. You’re a functioning adult and deserve to be treated as one. But I’d honestly start looking for my own place if I were you, because at the end of the day it’s still their house and they’re free to play that card if they want to.
NTA. She makes them share on vacation but not at your parents’? Your work setup matters more than her convenience.
Selfish people are the first people to claim everyone else is selfish when they don’t get what they want. She’s unreasonable and rude. Your parents enable it. Stand your ground and be prepared to be the bad guy for holding your boundaries. Also she can take the couch if the kids are that special. Does she give up her room for guests?
Nta- your sister gets her way because she throws fits and likely threatens to not visit. Stand on your no but be making plans to move out.
NTA
The kids get the couches or a tent in the backyard.
NTA and not selfish but your sister is. Your parents most likely want her to come over more so they can see their grand kids and therfor giving in easiely. But put your foot down this time. Tell them, you have to work and your workstation is in your room. You don’t want to kick a child out or wake it up early because you have to work. And you can’t risk your stuff to be damaged. It is just a no for now. And as soon as you have enough money to move out, she can have the room for her child but not at the moment.
NTA but if you don’t pay rent ultimately up to your parents. You can raise your WFH concerns to them, but at EOD WFH is considered flexible and if you can have laptop to take with you somewhere and be ok.
As others said grandparents likely want grandkids over and this is sadly a condition of that. A compromise could be asking for somewhere in the home you can use that’s quiet for calls – maybe they’d give up their primary bedroom for the time kiddos visit during the day.
If it works in other houses there’s no reason it shouldn’t work here.
You might want to discuss this in advance with your parents. You may want to involve your brother so you present a united front.
Remind them how it’s a non-issue elsewhere as well as how you need your workspace to do your job.
If they won’t tell your sister no, can you stay with a friend while she is there?
NTA
Start setting boundaries, and say NO.