So my (19M) sister (16F) has been dating this guy for a little over a year. At first, he seemed a little controlling, but nothing extreme. But over time, I started noticing changes in her behavior. She stopped coming to family gatherings, barely replied to texts, and avoided any kind of interaction with me and our parents.
Eventually, she opened up to me during a phone call and told me that her boyfriend didn’t like how “close” she was to her family. According to him, we were “too involved” in her life, and she needed to set boundaries which basically meant cutting all of us off completely. He even told her she needed to block me, our parents, and some of her childhood friends to “start fresh.” I told her no decent partner would try to isolate her from the people who love her. But she got really upset. She told me to stop interfering, and that I didn’t understand, and that she loved him deeply. She begged me to stay out of it.
But I couldn’t. I pushed. I reminded her of everything she’s been through, how much we love her, how dangerous emotional isolation can be. I basically refused to back off.
Eventually, she broke up with him. It was messy and painful, and she cried a lot. Now, we’re talking again but some of her friends still say that I shouldn’t have forced my opinion on her when she told me to stay out of it.
AITA
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So my (19M) sister (16F) has been dating this guy for a little over a year. At first, he seemed a little controlling, but nothing extreme. But over time, I started noticing changes in her behavior. She stopped coming to family gatherings, barely replied to texts, and avoided any kind of interaction with me and our parents.
Eventually, she opened up to me during a phone call and told me that her boyfriend didn’t like how “close” she was to her family. According to him, we were “too involved” in her life, and she needed to set boundaries which basically meant cutting all of us off completely. He even told her she needed to block me, our parents, and some of her childhood friends to “start fresh.” I told her no decent partner would try to isolate her from the people who love her. But she got really upset. She told me to stop interfering, and that I didn’t understand, and that she loved him deeply. She begged me to stay out of it.
But I couldn’t. I pushed. I reminded her of everything she’s been through, how much we love her, how dangerous emotional isolation can be. I basically refused to back off.
Eventually, she broke up with him. It was messy and painful, and she cried a lot. Now, we’re talking again but some of her friends still say that I shouldn’t have forced my opinion on her when she told me to stay out of it.
AITA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made my sister leave her toxic boyfriend who was trying to take her away from our lives. I think it might make me the asshole because it was her life and I shouldn’t be forcing her to do stuff against her will.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Couldnt be further from an AH. Your a queen! well done you for looking after your little sis!!
NTA.
Her friends are presumably her age and have the short-sightedness of teenage girls. You’re right that no decent partner isolates a person from their family, especially at that age.
NTA. She’s still a kid and you protected her.
How old was that boyfriend when he started dating a 15-yo? I’m gonna take a WILD guess and presume he was way older than her…
NTA
You’re NTA. This guy was trying to alienate a minor child from her family.
Her friends lack the insight and maturity to realize how detrimental and life altering this relationship could have been if you had not intervened.
Edit- misread ages the first time
Make her read why does he do that? By lundy Bancroft it talks about these abusive men
NTA. Well done 👍
Absolutely NTA. Coming from a guy, tell her to run to the hills! That’s abusive behaviour and it sounds like he wants to isolate her and has bad intentions.
NTA. How old was this guy?
NTA. you’re a good brother and did the right thing.
let me guess: the guy was at least a few years older than your sister? like inappropriate much older for a 16 year old?
NTA.
You saved your sister from an abuser.
Read this book (free pdf in the link) and gift her a paperback copy.
I was so relieved to read your sister broke up with him. You saved her. NTA
NTA
> some of her friends still say that I shouldn’t have forced my opinion on her when she told me to stay out of it.
Not to be harsh but… why are we caring about the opinion of some 16yr olds when even from your light touch description we can see that his behaviour was controlling?
NTA – you have protected your sister. Well done!
She will thank you in future as this guy seems to control and isolate her from her growth in future also if he has to
It does seem she was coming to you for help when she confided in you.
Leaving a abusive relationship is insanely difficult and can hurt a lot before the feeling of relief and freedom sets in.
You can look up trauma bond in abusive relationships and trauma bond withdrawal symptoms. It works similarly to addiction.
You are definitely NTA, it will just take a bit more love and patience towards your sister for her to realize.
And maybe have her friends educate themselves on abusive relationships, since they are being so flippant.
Your friends are fools NTA and you saved your sister from being abused. Those people can kick rocks
NTA
You probably saved her from more abuse. I know it hurts for her right now, but cutting people off because the partner insists never has been a good idea. She will understand when she gets older.
The friends who are saying that to you are NOT her friends
NTA, glad you managed to convince her before things really escalated.
NTA but 16 ? like still in high school and living with the parents he wants her to block ???? how exactly did he think that was gonna work ? where are your parents ? and why haven’t they gotten involved ?
NTA. ever you said was right, a decent boyfriend would not demand that. but also your sister is sixteen! how was that “Block everyone and start anew” supposed to work out? What were they thinking?
NTA
You stopped her from ending up a statistic and those people are obviously not her friends if they think anything about that toxicity was normal.
Well done
How old was the BF
NTA. Protecting your loved ones sometimes means making them see what they can’t. Good on you for standing your ground, she’ll thank you in the long run.