I moved in with my boyfriend in March. It is now July and we have been sleeping on a full sized mattress for 4 months now. It was tolerable at first but everyday is getting worse. I have been talking about getting a new mattress as my body physically can not take it anymore. My neck and back hurt from curling up every night. I am 5 feet and 6 inches tall around 150 pounds. My boyfriend is 6 feet tall around 230 pounds.
I couldn’t fall asleep so I was ordering a mattress. He woke up and said how much space I have. I was mad and getting defensive because I DIDNT! And they he went on to say he meant to say how much space he gave me. Then he said “what are you doing? You’re looking at mattresses and texting someone.” I said I’m waiting for a coupon code from nectar. He then said he doesn’t have 1k for a mattress right now. (He said this maybe 4 times just this week) I said “yes you made that very clear.” He proceeded to accidentally throw my phone across the room. Then he got up and said something along the lines of calling him broke. To be fair I wasn’t. I was saying that he did make it very clear because he told me 4 times just this week.
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I moved in with my boyfriend in March. It is now July and we have been sleeping on a full sized mattress for 4 months now. It was tolerable at first but everyday is getting worse. I have been talking about getting a new mattress as my body physically can not take it anymore. My neck and back hurt from curling up every night. I am 5 feet and 6 inches tall around 150 pounds. My boyfriend is 6 feet tall around 230 pounds.
I couldn’t fall asleep so I was ordering a mattress. He woke up and said how much space I have. I was mad and getting defensive because I DIDNT! And they he went on to say he meant to say how much space he gave me. Then he said “what are you doing? You’re looking at mattresses and texting someone.” I said I’m waiting for a coupon code from nectar. He then said he doesn’t make 1k for a mattress right now. (He said this maybe 4 times just this week) I said “yes you made that very clear.” He proceeded to accidentally throw my phone across the room. Then he got up and said something along the lines of calling him broke. To be fair I wasn’t. I was saying that he did make it very clear because he told me 4 times just this week.
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> The action was telling my boyfriend thinks I said he doesn’t make enough.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your back health is a priority, not a luxury. Sleep tight on your new mattress!
NTA, but get far, far away from the guy who dismissed your comfort and “accidentally” threw your phone.
OP, at what point are you going to realise that this is how he is?! You may be living in the same space, but your BF doesn’t seem to care about you in the slightest!
If you aren’t ready to call it a day yet, is moving out an option, because I’m not sure living together is working right now.
NTA. He said it, but throws it in your face. Is this the first time your bf was ever this volatile? I don’t like that he threw your phone across the room. How was he going to afford replacing that?
Sometimes partners change once they get you locked in. You need to be concerned and not push this potential warning sign away.
A double bed is obviously too small for the two of you. If you do decide to stay, check out some nice memory foam mattresses that cost just a couple of hundred dollars.
Who’s paying for the mattress?
Your boyfriend just showed abusive behavior. This will only escalate. Gtfo
Holy Red Flags, Batman!
Time to move back out.
Do you see the red flags bc I do+
You’ve got bigger problems/concerns than a new mattress. Your BF getting mad and “accidentally,” throwing your phone across the room tops the list.
Finding a new place to live should be a priority.
NTA.
NTA. My boyfriend has a queen size bed. For the two of us it should be fine but he has long limbs and has accidentally elbowed me in his sleep. I dreamed I was falling off something one night and dig my fingernails into his arm. He woke me up and said, in pain and scared I’d accidentally dig my nails in harder, “Honey! Wake up! You’re digging your nails into my arm!” I still feel bad about that. Anyway, we will be getting a bigger mattress, He’s tall so it’s very easy for us to accidentally elbow, kick, etc each other. Your boyfriend is being rude and aggressive.
ESH but him more than you. Why should your boyfriend be the only one to pay for the mattress if you’re both sleeping on it and you’re the one with the problems? But him getting mad and throwing your phone is not OK. Please watch out for other red flags. He doesn’t sound like he cares much about you and your comfort.
NTA but I would genuinely reconsider living with this man. He throws your things and sulks like a child and disregards your genuine physical discomfort.
How do you accidentally throw a phone? That’s explosive behavior and you should be running from him. Why would you stay with a person who doesn’t appreciate your thoughtfulness?
NTA but he sounds scary, I wouldn’t feel safe sleeping next to him if he can fly off the handle like that. Please re-evaluate the relationship 🙏
How bout instead of buying that ungrateful mf a mattress you take that money and save up towards moving out.
Your boyfriend is broke and can’t afford a mattress. Not just a bed – a mattress.
Further, he is abusive and threw your phone across the room.
Get away from this loser.
How does one “accidentally” take your phone from your hands and throw it across the room?
He doesn’t have husband qualities. A partner with husband potential puts your comfort, safety, and happiness first. If he’s not doing that, he’s just passing time with you—not building a future.
Girl, forget the mattress for now and spend that money on getting out of dodge, ASAP! How do you “accidentally” throw a phone across the room?! Your bf is showing abusive tendencies and you should get your own place before he escalates—and he will escalate. It only ever gets worse: first he’s throwing stuff at walls, soon it will be throwing stuff at you, then it will be throwing you at walls. Leave and sleep without issues in your own bed in your own place.
NTA
NTA: get out. Now. The phone throwing is abuse. It is a huge, and I do mean huge, red flag. He does not care about your comfort. The phone throwing is a hill to die on. Get out and count yourself lucky to get out. Don’t announce you are leaving as you could get hurt. Just go.
How does a person “accidentally” throw a phone across the room? NTA and run from this jackass.
NTA, but take your mattress money and use it on moving back out. Don’t stay in a relationship with someone who “accidentally” throws your phone across the room when they’re mad and expects you to show overt gratitude that they let you have a sliver of mattress to sleep on.
“He proceeded to accidentally throw my phone across the room.”
That’s actually crazy. If you said HIS own phone, that’s one thing – still a red flag for explosive reactions, throwing things in a fight.
But YOUR phone in anger – that’s again, either explosive reaction and/or separating you from the device where you could call for help or document what’s going on.
Concerning. I’m not one to say “leave him” to someone on the internet without an the context, but just be careful.
Accidently my ass. Break up and find a better match. Nta.
‘Throw my phone across the room’ would be where I’m asking to pay up and if he doesn’t, filing a police report, packing my stuff up and getting out of that relationship like yesterday. NTA op, but get out. He’s abusive. Like abusive ABUSIVE. He is destroying your property ‘accidentally’ because he didn’t like sth you said or did. Next time he’ll ‘accidentally’ throw a knife at you. Get OUT!!!!!
So you sleep in pain every night and he’s okay with that? He can’t afford a mattress that fits both of you and he, and when he finds out you’re mattress shopping, his fragile ego fes threatened and he throws your phone across the room??
Girl, don’t spend any money on this mattress and get out of this apartment now. Right now, it’s throwing your phone across the room, next it’s choking or shoving you for something else you didn’t do quite to his liking.
‘Accidentally threw my phone across the room’
I feel like you glossed over an important detail. How does one accidentally do that?
Also, he is broke. He doesn’t have a right to be mad at you over objective facts he himself proclaimed.
NTA but a guy who throws your phone has crossed a line. Also: there are comfortable mattresses on Amazon for much less than $1K. But that is beside the point, because you need to get away from someone who treats you poorly.
No one accidentally throws a phone and breaks it. Stop minimizing his volatility.
You’d fit better if you were using that mattress alone.
He broke your phone because you were preparing to materially improve his life and that made him angry.
Keep your money in your pocket because you need to find yourself somewhere else to live.
Get yourself together and move out. Furthermore, sue him for the cost of replacing your phone.
4 months into living with this guy and I think you need to take your rose colored glasses off and put some regular glasses on.
Red flag #1–he is upset with how much space you take up in your shared very small mattress. Honey, a larger mattress will just give him more space. You’ll be allotted the same amount. (Unless it’s a California King and you can put a bumper up. lol)
Red flag #2–he accuses you of texting/calling him broke/shopping(?). His verbal attack is meant to put you on the defensive and demean and belittle you.
Red flag #3–he threw your phone because he was mad at you. Playfully doesn’t come into the equation here. He’s bigger than you and stronger (most likely), and he is using words and actions to intimidate you into acting the way HE wants you to act.
All three red flags are there. 4 months into living with him and the mask is slipping. Bet it doesn’t get any better with time. You cannot “fix” him. You either say, ‘Yes, this is the behavior I choose to live with the rest of my life with him’, or ‘He’s showing me who he is and this is behavior I choose not accept for the rest of my life.’
It really is your choice.
NTA
This is confusing but first don’t stay with someone who would throw your phone…you are going to be next.
But….Were you planning on making him pay for half a new bed? Or were you just going to buy it and pay the whole thing yourself? If you were planning on paying why would he be mad? If you were planning on asking him for money after you bought it then THAT is an ahole move.
But don’t stay with someone who had anger issues and poor impulse control.