My boyfriend and I have had recurring arguments because he continues to engage with sexual content online, searching and browsing posts of women in revealing outfits, listening to audios of girls moaning, and visiting NSFW subreddits where women post explicit pictures.
Each time we talk about it, he assures me he’ll stop. And he usually does, for a few months. But then I find out he’s doing it again. The first few times, I reacted emotionally, I cried, confronted him, and felt deeply hurt. But lately, I’ve noticed that I barely react anymore. I just feel numb.
That emotional distance scares me more than the behavior itself. I’m worried that by staying quiet, I’m allowing something that deep down still hurts me. At the same time, I’m tired of being on this loop of disappointment and forgiveness.
I don’t know what direction to take from here. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you deal with it? I’d really appreciate any thoughts or perspective
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You’re not tolerating him, you’re LETTING him. He has no consequences, so why would he stop? You’re not giving him any sort of ultimatum or follow through, so why would he care? What you need to do, if you really do not want to accept this, is to break up with his sorry ass.
Dump him and move on.
It’s either:
A) you don’t actually care if he watches porn
B) you don’t like him as much anymore so it hurts less
C) you’re so unsurprised it hurts less because you’ve accepted that your comfort isn’t important in this relationship to either of you
We can’t tell you which one it is, but, unless its option A it’s best to leave
If it hurts you and he can’t or won’t stop then break up
I think you kids need to break up.
Is he not getting it enough maybe?
i can’t even imagine my partner policing me on my porn habits. boundaries are for you, rules are for others. you can enforce boundaries (“i won’t be with someone who watches porn”) but it’s not ok to enforce rules on your partner (“you cannot watch porn”)
Girl I didn’t even finish reading this and immediately thought, “leave”.
Do not Dump him, chance your sick moral standards that porn and swxual content are bad.
It’s just your wierd moral standards and insecure ego.
Try to proof me wrong 🙂
If porn or sexual content is a boundary for you (‘I don’t date guys who watch porn’), then you’re responsible for enforcing that boundary. What you’ve been doing is making repeated requests, accepting a false promise, and then getting upset when that promise is broken. Nothing there is going to change until you set and enforce your boundary, which is going to mean breaking this off with him.
You mention that he’s threatened to hurt himself if you leave him, which is emotional manipulation, and that’s not okay. He is an adult, he is responsible for his own actions, and right now you’re allowing him to keep you in a relationship that you’re not happy in through this. If you were looking for a cue or permission to leave, then take this as that sign.
I have gone through something similar, and they won’t change no matter how hard you beg. He will change if and when he wants to. You’re not comfortable with him doing that, so you shouldn’t be with someone who disrespects your boundaries.
He lied to you and knows how you feel about it. I’d honestly consider this cheating (not because of porn itself, but your communication and feelings toward it).
It’s hard to leave, but it’ll be even harder to stay. Just because something is comfortable doesn’t make it right.
So he looks at porn, yawn. So what?
He continues to show you who he is, and you continue to go back to the circus. A good man, a loyal man, a respectful man would not do these things at all. You will not, I repeat, will NOT be able to change this man into a good man. He is not one. Nor does he want to be one. He wants to continue to disrespect you and your relationship every chance he gets when he thinks you’re not watching. Your choice is to accept being disrespected continuously, forever, or find a good man.
You’re teaching him how to treat you and what you’ll put up with. Leave after the first lie/deceit.