I have been lurking here for a while and decided to post today. I (19m) is living in a housing units with 4 other people, 1 of which I am close friends with. We are pretty close and being in the same house allows us to help each other out. However, I am currently facing financial issues and the rent is a little bit too pricey for me, and is considering moving out. Here is where I might be the AH, the close friend of mine has specifically asked me not to move out, and has made it very clear. I just told her that I dont intend on moving out soon, it has been 5 months since. With my sudden worsening financial situation, however, it seems I have to start considering that option. Of course, I will find a new housemate so that rent will still be the same, but WIBTA for moving out? How should I approach them about this issue? Thank you so much, all comments and thoughts are appreciated.
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I have been lurking here for a while and decided to post today. I (19m) is living in a housing units with 4 other people, 1 of which I am close friends with. We are pretty close and being in the same house allows us to help each other out. However, I am currently facing financial issues and the rent is a little bit too pricey for me, and is considering moving out. Here is where I might be the AH, the close friend of mine has specifically asked me not to move out, and has made it very clear. I just told her that I dont intend on moving out soon, it has been 5 months since. With my sudden worsening financial situation, however, it seems I have to start considering that option. Of course, I will find a new housemate so that rent will still be the same, but WIBTA for moving out? How should I approach them about this issue? Thank you so much, all comments and thoughts are appreciated.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I did sort of promise her I wont move out soon, and now I am actively considering so, and this is a close friend of mine too. 2. I just feel like going back on a promise to someone I am close with, and I feel really bad.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
If you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money. You can’t live some place you literally can not afford. Don’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Is that friend gonna pay your rent? Is that friend gonna cover your expenses? Chances are… a big fat no.
If she’s a real friend, she will understand that the financial calculus here doesn’t make sense and you need to move out. If she gets mad at your genuine financial concerns, she that means she only cares about herself and you living there is only for her benefit, not for mutual benefit = being a user.
You’ve already used money you can’t spare to live there longer than you can afford to. Suck it up, tell the friend your plan, stay firm with the plan, and if she says the friendship is ruined because of this, you’ll see she was never a real friend in the first place. Real friends don’t let friends stay in financial hardship for their own benefit. Real friends would encourage the friend in hardship to make decisions that help get them out of their hole.
NTA. Your financial situation is a personal struggle and you have to do what’s best for you when with something as big as rent. Your friend might be bummed but asking you not to move out when you’re facing financial strain is a bit much.
Do you have a job? Are you spending money on stuff you don’t need? Need more info. Where is the money going?
“I wanted to give you a heads up that my financial situation has changed and now I have to move out. Quickly. I feel bad about abandoning you — especially since you asked me specifically not to and I agreed at the time — but it’s now simply not possible for me to stay any longer. I’ll keep you apprised of my progress and who I find to replace me.”
NAH. Assuming your friend didn’t put undue pressure on you (and it just sounds like they expressed a preference, they didn’t threaten you or give you an ultimatum), then they are not an AH for expressing that they really want you to stay and you are not an AH for responding rationally to your own financial situation.
And let me point out that you aren’t “going back” on a promise: your circumstances now are different from what you thought they were when you originally agreed. Changing your mind — especially to changing circumstances — isn’t AH-ish
As such, my sample response above isn’t a requirement to avoid AH status…if you weren’t friends with your housemate, I’d probably have written out something much more to the point (e.g., “FYI, I can’t afford the rent, so I’m moving out”) because your only obligation now is to be forthcoming about your plans so other people can make their own plans