Just as it says above. I would like reciprocated “princess treatment” I feel like I give so much in terms of pampering (massages, sexual favors, words of affirmation, etc) and there’s not much given back. A recent example is that we took a shower together. I shampooed her hair, washed her body head to toe and also used a body scrub exfoliate. The body scrub smelled nice and felt cool so I asked if she would use it on me. She said no, that girls don’t do that to men, it’s weird, etc. I asked what was so wrong with wanting to make your partner feel good. She then said that she LETS me wash her in the shower cause I like doing it. In which I replied that no, I do it because it feels good and I want you to feel good. I got irritated and got out of the shower and told her that men don’t have to be tough all the time. She responded with something to the extent of she must have only been with tough men.
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It’s totally normal to want to be treated well and pampered even as a man. Why do people think that only women need or want that? She’s closed minded and selfish. Is your girlfriend good to you in other ways, or are you the one that always gives and she only takes?
Your gf buys into toxic masculinity BS and isn’t interested in making you feel nice. Honestly why be with someone when you put in 100% and they give barely anything back?
Sounds like she expects you to be her manservant, not her equal partner. What a selfish, entitled attitude!
You do you…but if I were a straight guy, and my fiancee said something like that to me, I would instantly decide that she was not someone I wanted to marry.
Toxic fiance 101. I’m treated like a princess by my wife OP (and I treat her like one as well) do not settle for less.
Do NOT marry someone expecting them to change.
Explains why all her tough men are exs
She doesn’t want a prince, she wants a slave.
She’s 37? She sounds very immature.
The things you listed are all nice to do to each other, for each other. She’s missing out because it feels nice to do them, too.
If you want a reciprocated marriage, it doesn’t sound like it will be with her. Just remember that it’s easier to cancel a wedding than it is to divorce.
Well, maybe girls don’t, but women enjoy sharing sensual pleasures with their men beyond the sexual. Just to show them that they are appreciated beyond using just words.
Sounds like your “girl” isn’t a good match for you as far as a willingness to listen to you regarding your love language nor accepting of you as a unique human being who is secure enough in his masculine identity to want to explore physical pampering.
Is this what you want to deal with every day? It may be “normal” for her, but it is not normal for women collectively. Perhaps you should consider looking for a more down-to-earth type of individual who doesn’t insist on being placed on a pedestal and it more interested in being a partner than a goddess to be worshipped.
Did she ask you to do that to her?
> asked what was so wrong with wanting to make your partner feel good. She then said that she LETS me wash her in the shower cause I like doing it.
Eww dude. She doesn’t view you as a partner, she objectifies herself and think she’s doing a massive favor to you simply by existing.
Go find someone who’s looking for an actual partner and not this entitled backwards ass complex.
Stop going above and beyond. Otherwise you’re just wasting energy on someone who will never return it.
Marriage is a big step man. Been married 19 years myself. If my wife treated me that way back then we would not have been married 19 years.
I just woke up at 6am to get my breakfast before work. My wife heard me warming food up and came in cause she couldn’t remember if I had a cold diet Pepsi in the fridge. She put the soda in the freezer and went back to bed.
I obviously would have never asked her to do that but she knows I start the day with one and wanted to make sure I had a cold one.
Just saying that is how you make it 19 years. Doing things that make each other happy.
Goodluck
So here’s the deal, yes your fiancé sounds toxic and exhausting, but I also think that you’re going out of your way to do stuff for her that she never asked for. She told you she doesn’t care if you wash her in the shower, she lets you do that because you want to. So stop doing it, she’s telling you she doesn’t care about it. Stop expecting just because you do something you think she wants that she will do it back and work on communicating what you both want and how to make that happen. Or, y’know, break up and find someone who matches your energy better.
That’s really sad that she honestly believes you can’t enjoy exfoliation (touch) bc you have a penis. She sounds selfish.
I love telling my husband he’s beautiful. When we were dating he went out of town for work; the day before he came back I left a big bouquet of flowers in his favorite color in his kitchen with a love note. No one has ever given him flowers before. After we got engaged he went out of town the next week, I had champagne and strawberries delivered to his hotel room with a note. He loves to be complimented and rubbed and looked after, just like I do. I’m tough as nails but I don’t want to have to be that way all the time. He’s my soft safe place and I’m his. You deserve that.
The basis of a healthy relationship is built on reciprocity. You guys don’t have it. With her response you never will. Accept that or move on.
I give it all back to my husband. He treats me like a princess and I give it all right back. We pamper and spoil each other because I want him to have the whole world. Selfish love can’t survive.
I love treating my man as if he’s a princess.
>She then said that she LETS me wash her in the shower cause I like doing it
You need to have a conversation about this. I’ve dated guys who’ve tried to make me grateful they were doing things because im ‘a girl and should like it” that i only tolerated for them. Its very fucking irritating.
But also, if you’re doing stuff to her to try and het her to fo it to you, youneed to learn to use your words instead.
(But also, also ) If you’re going after women who buy strongly into gender stereotypes, then yeah, youre going to have a hard time finding a partner who wants to treat you gently.
Run! She doesn’t care about you. She is self-absorbed
Literally the #1 rule that I always preach about a GOOD relationship is ALWAYS get back what you put out. How are you barely registering this now that you’re not receiving back at the same level as you’re giving? I mean you’re already engaged and stuff.
What you’re not understanding here is that there is a long, long, long line of guys waiting to be with her.
If you aren’t willing to treat her how she wants to be treated, then the market is just packed with prospective suitors who might be more pliant. She does not have to cater to you.
I would say based on this you need to have several adult conversations about expectations after you’re married. This is the universe giving you a sign that you have a parachute you may want to use. There are several books out there with discussions you should have before getting married. I’d get one.
This whole “princess” treatment shit from either side grosses me out. Tell her to get a grip and try to get one yourself as well.
I don’t understand why people in the comments are being so sided with this.
Different people have different wants and needs in a relationship, even “toxic” ones like toxic masculinity. I understand where she comes from as I want my relationship to be that way, but it doesn’t mean everyone does.
If that’s what she’s into, that’s what she’s into. If that’s not what you’re into, it’s not what youre into.
Simple as that. She probably wants that lifestyle, if you don’t then you simply weigh the pros and cons and make a decision after speaking with her about this. This seems like a very serious trait (a literal lifestyle) and not just a pet peeve so a conversation about expectation is very important.
I just want to point out that she didn’t ask you to wash her, you just did it because you thought she would like it, and because you would like it done back to you. But her response was definitely toxic nonetheless.
Maybe you aren’t compatible? Either way, maybe stop doing things she didn’t ask for and getting mad she doesn’t do it back to you.
Many women would give a body part for this type of romance. And happily scrub your back. Pleas re-evaluate this relationship!
That’s so sad. I love pampering my partner. He has to be strong all the time. It’s wonderful to know he feels safe enough to be soft with me. Maybe you need to talk to your fiancé about how you’re feeling. You love doing things for her, and would appreciate being shown the same care from her.