How do you deal with emotional neglect in your childhood after you grew up

I ve been ignored by my dad when sometimes I wished he would hit me because that would hurt less than ignoring me , when my dad was on her death bed forgot to ask for me to say good bye and proceed to ask for my brothers and my nephew , I got used by creepy adults when I was a kid , and I grew up addicted to porn , sometimes I have stupid thoughts about going out with older guys just to fill that hole in me , but I don’t wanna do smth stupid , and it hurts really bad to feel alone , it’s like this tight feeling in my chest , did anyone go though smth similar to this ? And how did you heal it ? (Btw I’m 19 now)