Be confident in yourself, focus on being the best/most successful version of yourself that you can be and don’t make women the main focus of your life.
Don’t sacrifice your morals and your boundaries just because your anxiety makes you think you’ll never have another chance at a relationship again if you don’t. Break up/get away from the shitty women at the sacrifice of being single in exchange for opening yourself up to an actual, good relationship to form.
Try and be friends first and don’t worry so much about looking cool. You’re not cool, but you are a good guy who’s pretty funny. That’ll take you farther than looks or money…which you won’t ever have
Stay the course. It’ll keep working for you, through late middle age. After that, occasional is enough.
There’ll be a few gaps, but the good ones are worth waiting a bit for. And remember, crazy – even fun crazy – caused a few of your buddies a lot of trouble eventually. Trouble you don’t need.
Whatever you give a woman, she will multiply it and/or bring it to life. Give her a sperm, she’ll bring a baby, Give her love, she’ll multiply it and show you all the love she got. Ignore her, she’ll do it better. Disrespect her, she’ll disrespect you even in situations you don’t expect. What you don’t like for yourself, don’t give it.
Formulate some standard questions to ask people that aren’t what do you do, where are you from. Personal interests based questions. Also you yourself have interests, blurt some of that shit out.
Don’t ask out or date girls that you are not really into. They will probably notice this , and either reject you or try to downplay you, which will make you feel like crap. Only go for girls you really like
If they like you they like you. If they don’t they don’t. No point in trying to convince someone. You could be the sweetest peach in the world but some people just don’t like peaches.
> What’s a piece of dating advice you’d give to your younger self?
You need to get experience during high school specifically, you will never have a more favorable/balanced female-to-male gender ratio ever again (besides maybe going to other countries). Once the girls turn 18 they basically disappear overnight, like someone flipped a light switch. It’s just not the same favorable gender ratio once you are well into adulthood – the “market” almost immediately skews towards sausagefest/high male-to-female ratio once you are out of HS so getting basic entry-level experience becomes harder
As an introvert late-bloomer in terms of dating, missing out/being shy during high school specifically is among one of my biggest regrets in life so far. If I could send a message back thru time to my younger 13-14 year old self I would REALLY stress the importance of developing decent social skills and talking to girls/getting those very early dating experiences with girls in high school
Stop trying to get them to like you and just be. By trying to be so agreeable and flattering you’re making yourself look bad. It’s ok to disagree, or even call bullshit. Don’t insult the things the like that you absolutely don’t, but you don’t have to pretend you think they’re better than you actually do.
More or less just treat women/girls like you would any other guy you meet, maybe just a little more tact. They’re so used to being treated as special, buttered up by every guy they meet that treating them “normally” makes you stand out.
Go to therapy and start unpacking your childhood experiences as soon as you can.
Also, do not ignore red flags that they present early on. I ignored them out of being head over heels for her and because the sex was out of this world. Those same red flags were a major contributing factor to the traumatic end to our relationship 3.5 years later.
Lastly, you cannot fix someone by loving them more. They need to want to fix themselves first and foremost.
don’t be too shy to make double entendre jokes, flirt, be a bit touchy, and push the very minor social boundaries a bit. Being too respectful won’t get you anywhere.
Never be afraid to ask a woman out and prioritize building a strong tradable skill set. Having a solid economic base will do wonders for your confidence with women!
Neither be afraid if SHE is taking the romantic initiative – you may be passing up a fantastic opportunity: so don’t be an idiot!!!! If a woman likes you she will usually make it very obvious. (Don’t believe all the b.s. about mixed signals).
Regardless, you MUST develop the ability to build a financial foundation because without it, your independence and most of your choices in life will be compromised: you cannot rely on a partner to bail you out! (I am talking about realities, not fantasies about equality).
Don’t get tied to one girl for a long time. There are so many women out there that actually want to date you. There is going to be a girl at a party who will come up to you and say hi. You will be too intimidated to think you have a chance with her. She is into you so go for it.
I’m actually rather satisfied with whom I’m with now, and it only happened because of risks I took and mistakes I made. I wouldn’t try to change my younger self, at least not in the dating aspect, but I would let him know that there was a particular risk I took that worked out, though there has been some rough times.
Have the confidence that it’s possible that you could date someone you’re attracted to. Especially in scenarios where the girl is intiating wanting to spend time with you one on one.
There are many moments where I realized years later that a girl was super into me and I had no idea because I had zero self confidence and didn’t think it was possible to be with her (no matter how obvious the signs were). I just assumed they just wanted to be friends with me. So I friendzoned myself.
Advice for my younger self (my 4 week old self who started talking to a guy, lol)
Just because you talk to a person via text every day and they have good topics of conversation that may seem deep, just because that person shows you their day and the communication is constant doesn’t mean that person is really interested in you, so much contact via text in such a short time only creates a false sense of closeness that should really be created in person after the first few dates, because they may go on a date after talking so much and there isn’t the same connection as there was via text.
Talk religion and politics right out the gate. Better to get them out of the way than waste a bunch of time and money on someone you’re not compatible with.
It’s ok to want intimacy without a serious relationship. Be open and honest about what you want and respectful in your communications. If someone else doesn’t want that, that is ok. If it makes them angry that you want that, that is a problem with them, not with you.
When asking a girl out, give yourself a time limit.
Ex/ Hey, I’ve got to meet some friends for coffee soon so I’ll keep this short, but I saw you from across the room and I’d be curious to know if you’re as beautiful on the inside as the outside. Whatcha doing on Saturday?
I overcame my introvertedness. I asked people out. Got interesting hobbies.
Im sure it helps but i wouldnt say it got me laid that much. If anything i’d tell my younger to get a degree in something medical so i’d have a better job
That it is ok to flat out exclude certain things. I wouldn’t date anyone vegan, dog owner or someone with extremely excessive hobbies (several hours away daily) for example anymore.
If you see someone you would like to date just introduce yourself and ask her out. If she says no just give her your number and ask her think about it. You’ve planted a seed which may produce fruit.
Get serious about dating earlier in life – don’t wait till your mid-20s because you’re caught up with uni, finding a stable job and getting established. Tell a woman what she wants to hear and lie about wanting a relationship till you get sex because it is the only thing that matters in a relationship. Apps will hardly help you get anything anymore and women become mainpulative frigid ol’ b1tches in their 30s who withhold sex as much as they can while speedrunning for marriage and kids.
Just do it. Stop worrying about what could go wrong and think about what could go right. I spent a lot of time worrying about what if she says no. Okay, what if she says no? Then you have your answer and can move on.
-If you have to tactically remind someone of your existence in order to illicit a bare minimum response from them, they are probably not worth your time. While they may be your first option, you may be their second or third- and committing to someone to whom you’re a second option erradicates the possibility of being someone else’s first.
-Avoid avoidance. Avoid avoidant type people. “Winning them over” is a pyrrhic victory to your ego at best.
-Girls hit on you all the time and you just don’t know because you lack awareness/social skills/confidence.
-Respectfully showing interest does not make you a creep. Women are often conditioned by society to not make the first move and it’s fucked up but it also means that you’ve got to take the initiative. Sorry buddy.
-Don’t acquiesce to a full blown relationship with someone you’re not that interested in because they showed interest first and you need validation because you’re horrendously insecure.
-Watch how she treats her parents. Watch how she treats friends. Understand what she prioritizes and what her values are. Does she have empathy? Is she kind? Can she admit fault? Does she respect very simple boundaries you try to set? Don’t ignore these things.
-She’s not that interesting, she’s really not that complex, she is just fucking super damaged (and kind of not a great person) and unwell as all get out which is sad but needs the kind of help that you can’t provide and she will likely never try to get. No dude, don’t even think about it.
-You don’t have to attach the pretense of longevity to every romantic relationship you get in. Of course it’s exciting and thrilling to imagine your future with someone but it can
A: detract from being present and just enjoying the moments you share with them
and B: lead to you overlooking some seriously concerning red flags because you think “well, this is my forever person so I should learn to put up with this now instead of later.” Forever, if it exists, is a luxury, my friend, not the expectation.
-Some people are in your life for a little while and then you move on and that’s okay.
-For the love of God, work on yourself, man. Not in the gym bro alpha male type way, but work on your shitty self esteem and overwhelmingly negative outlook on life because it will absolutely manifest in your relationships in some frankly toxic ways sometimes and nobody deserves that. Understand the origin of your faults, be introspective and fiercely honest. Learn to be alone.
The one piece of advice I would give is more about relationships. Basically don’t count on anything. Words are just words. You may think this is the last person you’ll ever be with and then a year passes and things change. Try not to be naive. Enjoy the good times and learn as much as you can and try to be the best partner you can. At the end of the day however you have to love yourself, stick to your high standards and be prepared to adopt to change.. which is inevitable.✌️
Never make sacrifices for love. Do what’s best for you, and the right person will fit seamlessly into your life. If you have to choose between love and a stable, secure future, choose the latter because it means that you’re also choosing to love yourself.
Your integrity and peace of mind are priceless: Fuck what people think, the only validation you should seek out is your own at the end of the day. You have zero control over other people’s thoughts and feelings about you, so don’t stress over it or try to be someone you’re not.
Also, kinda random but start trying out different fragrances and looks. Match what you wear in scent and clothes to the occasion + season. Be intentional with your appearance, don’t just play it safe and generic like an NPC blending into the background. A guy who knows how to dress uniquely well and smell good stands out, and makes him that much more attractive. Your appearance is what initially piques their interest – how you act is what keeps them interested.
Don’t get married. Go ahead and pair up with someone but do not ever sign that contract, not till the laws are changed. Biggest regret of my life by a very wide margin.
learn to cook. nothing has gotten me more second dates than the ability to cook food competently. And often overlooked is the ability to manage the dishes that you generate when you cook. No one likes to find a sink full of dishes that need to be done after a good meal.
My first cookbook, which is a vegetarian cookbook, the Moosewood cookbook by molly katzen. Everything in it is delicious, and relatively inexpensive to prepare.
Luckily I did not need to have this because I’m a lot older but if I was dating and I was younger today, I would tell myself that if they can’t go five minutes without picking up their smart phone, then you are not really worth their time.
Comments
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Start working on your shyness and introverted lifestyle earlier. I myself wonder how far I would be now if I started 2 years or more earlier
Be confident in yourself, focus on being the best/most successful version of yourself that you can be and don’t make women the main focus of your life.
Don’t get married until you’re 30. You change and grow so much in your 20s that you’re a completely different person at 30
Don’t sacrifice your morals and your boundaries just because your anxiety makes you think you’ll never have another chance at a relationship again if you don’t. Break up/get away from the shitty women at the sacrifice of being single in exchange for opening yourself up to an actual, good relationship to form.
I want dating advice from my future self, didn’t got any shot yet.
Don’t ask strangers on the internet for advice about anything.
Youre not going to save anyone!
“Try even harder to be at peace about not dating loser”
Don’t be so hard on yourself and just because one person says no it doesn’t mean everyone will say no.
How people respond when things aren’t going well, is far more important than the euphoria you experience when they are going well.
A long term partner needs to work with your conflict resolution style. This is something difficult to change.
Stay the way u are you fine the best girl that way she might be shy but trust me she love u geeky side and that all you relly want.
Try and be friends first and don’t worry so much about looking cool. You’re not cool, but you are a good guy who’s pretty funny. That’ll take you farther than looks or money…which you won’t ever have
Interpret bizarre excuses as a “no”, and move on immediately. She’s not saying “try harder”.
Don’t attach yourself to the first person that shows you interest.
Don’t tie yourself financially to another person.
Move out of Mobile and keep working out. Find a new place and start anew.
Stay the course. It’ll keep working for you, through late middle age. After that, occasional is enough.
There’ll be a few gaps, but the good ones are worth waiting a bit for. And remember, crazy – even fun crazy – caused a few of your buddies a lot of trouble eventually. Trouble you don’t need.
Whatever you give a woman, she will multiply it and/or bring it to life. Give her a sperm, she’ll bring a baby, Give her love, she’ll multiply it and show you all the love she got. Ignore her, she’ll do it better. Disrespect her, she’ll disrespect you even in situations you don’t expect. What you don’t like for yourself, don’t give it.
Just don’t
Relationships don’t matter at your age; have fun and don’t tie yourself down.
Formulate some standard questions to ask people that aren’t what do you do, where are you from. Personal interests based questions. Also you yourself have interests, blurt some of that shit out.
Don’t ask out or date girls that you are not really into. They will probably notice this , and either reject you or try to downplay you, which will make you feel like crap. Only go for girls you really like
If they like you they like you. If they don’t they don’t. No point in trying to convince someone. You could be the sweetest peach in the world but some people just don’t like peaches.
That it’s a very long and difficult process learning how to date and flirt, but you can do it. Just keep on trying and
Fall in love and go thru a breakup early on. Don’t be me. You don’t want to be going thru your first breakup at 26 when your gf of 6 years dumps you.
> What’s a piece of dating advice you’d give to your younger self?
You need to get experience during high school specifically, you will never have a more favorable/balanced female-to-male gender ratio ever again (besides maybe going to other countries). Once the girls turn 18 they basically disappear overnight, like someone flipped a light switch. It’s just not the same favorable gender ratio once you are well into adulthood – the “market” almost immediately skews towards sausagefest/high male-to-female ratio once you are out of HS so getting basic entry-level experience becomes harder
As an introvert late-bloomer in terms of dating, missing out/being shy during high school specifically is among one of my biggest regrets in life so far. If I could send a message back thru time to my younger 13-14 year old self I would REALLY stress the importance of developing decent social skills and talking to girls/getting those very early dating experiences with girls in high school
Stop trying to get them to like you and just be. By trying to be so agreeable and flattering you’re making yourself look bad. It’s ok to disagree, or even call bullshit. Don’t insult the things the like that you absolutely don’t, but you don’t have to pretend you think they’re better than you actually do.
More or less just treat women/girls like you would any other guy you meet, maybe just a little more tact. They’re so used to being treated as special, buttered up by every guy they meet that treating them “normally” makes you stand out.
You’re a seller, too. Don’t just date any person willing to date you. It’s okay to date someone you want to date, as well.
Go to therapy and start unpacking your childhood experiences as soon as you can.
Also, do not ignore red flags that they present early on. I ignored them out of being head over heels for her and because the sex was out of this world. Those same red flags were a major contributing factor to the traumatic end to our relationship 3.5 years later.
Lastly, you cannot fix someone by loving them more. They need to want to fix themselves first and foremost.
Stop trying to be friends with them.
Fuck more.
Pay attention to the red flags and don’t be blinded by lust and loneliness.
Only give your time to women who treat you well
don’t be too shy to make double entendre jokes, flirt, be a bit touchy, and push the very minor social boundaries a bit. Being too respectful won’t get you anywhere.
Also accept that no means no and move on
Don’t get serious, just say you’re thinking of getting serious. You get the most options when you already have a lot of interest.
Too late now and don’t care. 😂
Don’t get too comfortable when your relationship starts to dwindle and do something about it.
Never be afraid to ask a woman out and prioritize building a strong tradable skill set. Having a solid economic base will do wonders for your confidence with women!
Neither be afraid if SHE is taking the romantic initiative – you may be passing up a fantastic opportunity: so don’t be an idiot!!!! If a woman likes you she will usually make it very obvious. (Don’t believe all the b.s. about mixed signals).
Regardless, you MUST develop the ability to build a financial foundation because without it, your independence and most of your choices in life will be compromised: you cannot rely on a partner to bail you out! (I am talking about realities, not fantasies about equality).
Don’t get tied to one girl for a long time. There are so many women out there that actually want to date you. There is going to be a girl at a party who will come up to you and say hi. You will be too intimidated to think you have a chance with her. She is into you so go for it.
That girl who threatened to kill herself if you don’t take care of her is not your responsibility.
I’m actually rather satisfied with whom I’m with now, and it only happened because of risks I took and mistakes I made. I wouldn’t try to change my younger self, at least not in the dating aspect, but I would let him know that there was a particular risk I took that worked out, though there has been some rough times.
Don’t let other people handle your money
Go for it! Don’t be so damn afraid all the time.
Relax, slow down.
Have the confidence that it’s possible that you could date someone you’re attracted to. Especially in scenarios where the girl is intiating wanting to spend time with you one on one.
There are many moments where I realized years later that a girl was super into me and I had no idea because I had zero self confidence and didn’t think it was possible to be with her (no matter how obvious the signs were). I just assumed they just wanted to be friends with me. So I friendzoned myself.
Don’t bother, but if you do, no single moms. There’s a reason they’re single.
Big ass > big boobs
For those of you who disagree I say, “you haven’t seen my wife.”
Advice for my younger self (my 4 week old self who started talking to a guy, lol)
Just because you talk to a person via text every day and they have good topics of conversation that may seem deep, just because that person shows you their day and the communication is constant doesn’t mean that person is really interested in you, so much contact via text in such a short time only creates a false sense of closeness that should really be created in person after the first few dates, because they may go on a date after talking so much and there isn’t the same connection as there was via text.
Talk religion and politics right out the gate. Better to get them out of the way than waste a bunch of time and money on someone you’re not compatible with.
It’s ok to want intimacy without a serious relationship. Be open and honest about what you want and respectful in your communications. If someone else doesn’t want that, that is ok. If it makes them angry that you want that, that is a problem with them, not with you.
Learn how to not hate being alone as much as you do, with yourself, your thoughts, and your self perception.
If you can figure that out, it sets a floor of what you will and won’t tolerate in your relationships.
It will keep you away from wack partners, and help you leave the moment someone starts showing you that they’re not a good person for you.
Just be single and happy on your own. None of these people are going to be your forever person so stop trying to make it work; its not going to work.
Date lots of different women and don’t get into an actual relationship until mid-late 20s.
Go out, have fun, meet lots of new and interesting people. Have all the good and weird and awkward moments.
No fat girls
Learn to love yourself before giving your love away
When asking a girl out, give yourself a time limit.
Ex/ Hey, I’ve got to meet some friends for coffee soon so I’ll keep this short, but I saw you from across the room and I’d be curious to know if you’re as beautiful on the inside as the outside. Whatcha doing on Saturday?
Be yourself and don’t be afraid of rejection
Just dont. Be yourself, Improve yourself. Be happy. It will either happen, or wont.
Learn to be a good listener
Don’t put up with being treated as less than just because Sometimes she treats you good.
Stop lying to yourself and hit the gym.
Nothing.
Because i havent gotten laid that much
I overcame my introvertedness. I asked people out. Got interesting hobbies.
Im sure it helps but i wouldnt say it got me laid that much. If anything i’d tell my younger to get a degree in something medical so i’d have a better job
That it is ok to flat out exclude certain things. I wouldn’t date anyone vegan, dog owner or someone with extremely excessive hobbies (several hours away daily) for example anymore.
Take risks & never be afraid to of rejection. Better to shoot your shot than never & regretting it later!
Have fun, play the field like you are. You will meet Susan. Marry her, you dumbass. You ain’t all that.
You are being lied to about how creepy it is to hit on a girl. You are not creepy or ugly
Everything will be harder… Even if you feel at the bottom.
So why do you think you cant be better ? Even if you think you’re doing your highest
Don’t be so focused on your partner’s happiness that you neglect your own.
Stay away from Wendy
If you see someone you would like to date just introduce yourself and ask her out. If she says no just give her your number and ask her think about it. You’ve planted a seed which may produce fruit.
Hit on every pretty girl who smiles at you or looks too long.
Get serious about dating earlier in life – don’t wait till your mid-20s because you’re caught up with uni, finding a stable job and getting established. Tell a woman what she wants to hear and lie about wanting a relationship till you get sex because it is the only thing that matters in a relationship. Apps will hardly help you get anything anymore and women become mainpulative frigid ol’ b1tches in their 30s who withhold sex as much as they can while speedrunning for marriage and kids.
You won’t get it right for 30 years so until then have fun, trust your gut, and know your worth.
Just do it. Stop worrying about what could go wrong and think about what could go right. I spent a lot of time worrying about what if she says no. Okay, what if she says no? Then you have your answer and can move on.
Hiding how impressive you find a woman is way less impressive to her than showing it.
-If you have to tactically remind someone of your existence in order to illicit a bare minimum response from them, they are probably not worth your time. While they may be your first option, you may be their second or third- and committing to someone to whom you’re a second option erradicates the possibility of being someone else’s first.
-Avoid avoidance. Avoid avoidant type people. “Winning them over” is a pyrrhic victory to your ego at best.
-Girls hit on you all the time and you just don’t know because you lack awareness/social skills/confidence.
-Respectfully showing interest does not make you a creep. Women are often conditioned by society to not make the first move and it’s fucked up but it also means that you’ve got to take the initiative. Sorry buddy.
-Don’t acquiesce to a full blown relationship with someone you’re not that interested in because they showed interest first and you need validation because you’re horrendously insecure.
-Watch how she treats her parents. Watch how she treats friends. Understand what she prioritizes and what her values are. Does she have empathy? Is she kind? Can she admit fault? Does she respect very simple boundaries you try to set? Don’t ignore these things.
-She’s not that interesting, she’s really not that complex, she is just fucking super damaged (and kind of not a great person) and unwell as all get out which is sad but needs the kind of help that you can’t provide and she will likely never try to get. No dude, don’t even think about it.
-You don’t have to attach the pretense of longevity to every romantic relationship you get in. Of course it’s exciting and thrilling to imagine your future with someone but it can
A: detract from being present and just enjoying the moments you share with them
and B: lead to you overlooking some seriously concerning red flags because you think “well, this is my forever person so I should learn to put up with this now instead of later.” Forever, if it exists, is a luxury, my friend, not the expectation.
-Some people are in your life for a little while and then you move on and that’s okay.
-For the love of God, work on yourself, man. Not in the gym bro alpha male type way, but work on your shitty self esteem and overwhelmingly negative outlook on life because it will absolutely manifest in your relationships in some frankly toxic ways sometimes and nobody deserves that. Understand the origin of your faults, be introspective and fiercely honest. Learn to be alone.
Wait. Then wait more. Need to learn self first.
Learn to say no to most women
Give up, no one will ever actually love you.
Stop dating other women and stay with her. The one I ended marrying 11 years ago and have been with on and off for 21 years.
Do what you you’re going to do.
The one piece of advice I would give is more about relationships. Basically don’t count on anything. Words are just words. You may think this is the last person you’ll ever be with and then a year passes and things change. Try not to be naive. Enjoy the good times and learn as much as you can and try to be the best partner you can. At the end of the day however you have to love yourself, stick to your high standards and be prepared to adopt to change.. which is inevitable.✌️
Never make sacrifices for love. Do what’s best for you, and the right person will fit seamlessly into your life. If you have to choose between love and a stable, secure future, choose the latter because it means that you’re also choosing to love yourself.
Not every chick is gf material and most certainly not all chicks are wife material.
People will talk shit about you; don’t do the work for them or it becomes true.
Don’t bother and don’t let it bug you. You’re fine as you are.
Don’t try and attract women with money. You will just end up broke and miserable.
Don’t chase women, chase success and money. Women will chase you.
Don’t marry without a prenup.
Your integrity and peace of mind are priceless: Fuck what people think, the only validation you should seek out is your own at the end of the day. You have zero control over other people’s thoughts and feelings about you, so don’t stress over it or try to be someone you’re not.
Also, kinda random but start trying out different fragrances and looks. Match what you wear in scent and clothes to the occasion + season. Be intentional with your appearance, don’t just play it safe and generic like an NPC blending into the background. A guy who knows how to dress uniquely well and smell good stands out, and makes him that much more attractive. Your appearance is what initially piques their interest – how you act is what keeps them interested.
Have more money.
Yes, that gorgeous girl in your class in 1994 really was interested in you.
Shakespeare said it best on The Merchant of Venice.
“All that glitters is not gold”
You’re the prize not them! Don’t sell yourself short!
Karla is going to break your heart, think with the head on your shoulders before doing anything with her
Explore your sexuality
Don’t get married. Go ahead and pair up with someone but do not ever sign that contract, not till the laws are changed. Biggest regret of my life by a very wide margin.
learn to cook. nothing has gotten me more second dates than the ability to cook food competently. And often overlooked is the ability to manage the dishes that you generate when you cook. No one likes to find a sink full of dishes that need to be done after a good meal.
My first cookbook, which is a vegetarian cookbook, the Moosewood cookbook by molly katzen. Everything in it is delicious, and relatively inexpensive to prepare.
https://www.amazon.com/Moosewood-Cookbook-40th-Anniversary/dp/1607747391
Its better to give 10 women a chance than 1 woman 10 chances.
Just don’t. Wait until you are older. Trust me on this kid.
Find a good woman and lock her in early. The pickings get slimmer as time goes on.
Work on yourself. No one wants to buy a house that’s falling down.
Don’t get swayed by your dick and women’s ass
Luckily I did not need to have this because I’m a lot older but if I was dating and I was younger today, I would tell myself that if they can’t go five minutes without picking up their smart phone, then you are not really worth their time.