So my BF and I (nearly 3 year) have just rented our first house together.
The day we get the keys and plan to move in happens to be on a date that my BF already had plans for. The plans are a leaving party for a girl he works with.
He is adamant that he can’t miss the party (he has paid £5 for the ticket for the place they are going) and that she is moving away to Australia so he has to go to say goodbye.
It’s a weekend and I work full time during the week, and I am then out of the country the following week so really it is our only time to move.
Am I entitled to feel hurt by the fact that we won’t be making the move into our first home together? I will have to get friends and family to help me move instead of us doing it together, for the first time.
I know one day in the grand scheme of things isn’t a big deal but I thought he might have prioritised us moving together over a party for a colleague.
Do you think I am overreacting/overthinking it?
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Can you move in the next day? Is he going to be at the party all day?
It’s the only day you can move. It’s not the only day he can move.
So move your things and let him move his things.
Just because you get the keys that day doesn’t mean you have to move everything that day. Maybe make a few little trips by yourself with small boxes but leave the big stuff for a day when you can both do it.
I dunno. You get to feel how you feel. But I’ve moved quite a few times and usually was the one organizing the pack out and unpack because my partner/husband had already moved for a job or had to work.
That said, what kind of going away party lasts all day? Why can’t he spend a few hours moving and attend the party?
Yeah I think you’re overthinking it. He just wants to see his friend off and unfortunately he’s working the next day.
Im guessing this leaving do party thing has been an on-going plan for some time and unfortunately the moving day just fell on it. Nothing can be done.
I’d say move your stuff without him and use it as an opportunity to maybe put funny or cute little notes around your new place for him to find when he moves his stuff in too.
Just because you can’t do it on the same day, doesn’t mean it can’t to be something you can both remember fondly.
It’s what you make of it. Just my opinion though 🙂
I mean…start as you intend to go on. Get used to planning things on your own and not counting on him to be there for important days. My husband would not even think to prioritize a coworker over a relationship milestone, maybe you should consider upgrading.
I’ve moved houses with kids and my husband happened to be traveling for work. It’s honestly not a super big deal. Just make sure you’ve communicated the expectations that he will be helping to unpack because that takes forever.
It IS a big deal. It’s a sign that he will always have “something important to do” whenever there is heavy lifting to be done. Red flag here. Keep your eyes open because he sounds like he is a user.
Why do you need to take care of the move without him on that particular day, instead of him figuring out how to do it when you’re not available?
How much overlap do you guys have before you have to be out of where you’re moving out of? Can the move-in wait until after you get back into the country?
Overthinking big time. Move in the next day if it’s that important
You live separately right now, right?
So you are moving your stuff from your place into the new place yes?
When is he going to move his stuff? Is he actually expecting you to move his stuff too?
No, you are not over thinking this.
He wants to leave you to work alone and figure everything out on your own while he goes to a party. Is he usually lazy and evasive about tasks he finds unpleasant or beneath him? Does he leave tasks until “later” because he knows you’ll get fed up with waiting and asking and nagging and eventually do it yourself?
It’s a really bad sign that he’s looking forward to attending a party with much more anticipation than he is looking forward to sharing a hippie with you.
Do you ever hgave the feeling that you care for him more than h e cares for you?
Wait, this is a big moving day and you’ll need lots of hands, and he’s decided he’s not gonna be there to hold the other end of the couch?
I think this sucks. Moving is a big job, and he knows it. He is trying to get out of lifting and moving the big stuff.
Honestly, I think the only solution is to tell him to pay for movers. If he can’t move it himself, then £200 will pay for a guy to help you to take his place. I don’t care if your family is showing up. This is unconscionable.
If I was you, I would just do the bare minimum. Get the boxes in the house. Get the furniture in the house. Don’t make things too tidy. Leave as much heavy furniture inside the first room.
No, he doesn’t get to come home to a place that’s perfectly in place.