I spent years trying to get in, it took multiple failed applications cycles. They paid for my tuition for undergrad & grad school. They’ve paid for three semesters of vet school and supported me through the whole process of getting in. I feel so unbelievably guilty and leech-like for even having the thought.
But my mental and physical health is atrocious. I can’t sleep, I’m constantly in pain from being so tense 24/7, I can’t keep up with showering or laundry or anything. I cracked a sealant on a molar because I’ve been grinding my teeth so badly at night. I’m so overwhelmed it takes me hours to work up to just opening my inbox.
I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years back and have always struggled with anxiety & depression, but I literally can’t function now. My classmates all seem to have this drive to just push through, but all I feel is dread. Dread for future classes. Dread for clinical. Dread for working after graduation.
I had the classic late-diagnosed ADHD childhood where I repeatedly failed to meet their expectations in school – my mother, in particular, wildly changed her behaviors & attitude towards me in direct response to how I was doing in school. I’m terrified of how she’ll react.
Having my self-worth tied up only in my academic/career performance is killing me. But I’m so burnt out that I no longer care whether I have some prestigious/difficult career. I just want to be able to support myself and be able to feel like a person again – go out to dinner, go on walks with my fiancée, garden, read for fun, etc.
I have no idea what to say or how to even approach the topic, it makes me physically ill to think about but I’m absolutely miserable.
ETA: I’m 26F, if that’s relevant
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Hey. Med school dropout here.
Talk to your school about a medical leave of absence for your mental health. I’ll bet it is super simple. Mine told me I had FIVE YEARS and could come back no questions. Take the leave – if nothing else, it keeps the door open if you do want to go back/minimizes the finality of this decision for the parents.
Tell your parents you need the leave. Explain how serious it is. Then pursue your mental health as aggressively as you’ve been pursuing vet school. Go to therapy. Take your meds. Exercise. Do things that make you HAPPY. But you have to do the work here.
After some time has passed, reassess what you want and need out of life. It’s ok to say that you want a boring job plus a volunteer gig at a rescue center. Or a boring job and 15 personal animals. Or that you do want to go back to vet school/pursue another veterinary medicine path or degree.
Remember that you’re an adult and need to make strong adult choices. Make your decision and support it. Show your parents how miserable you were with the contrast of how much better you can do outside of the pressure of grad school.
Source – med school dropout turned real estate agent. SO much better for me.