throwaway acc. i feel so silly writing this but i need to get this off of my chest. im finding this hard to live with. i have a boyfriend, was my bestfriend and we opened up to eachother about things we never spoke to anyone about.
in one of these conversations he mentioned having a girl who ‘creamed’ and that everytime they did things, she would cream everywhere so much to the point where they’d always have to put down towels and change the sheets when they were done fooling around. he said he really liked it. he kept in contact with this person who was his first love and he , up until months before we got together, was still trying to hit on her n see her. he says it was because he was single and wanted to hook up with someone and he knew her and shed pop up on his page, but that he would never get back with her. he says he has no feelings whatsoever for anyone in his past and its not something he often thinks about. but in my head i wonder, what if she wouldve wanted to? and so fast forward. we know way too much about eachother and our pasts, and my past is NOT easy to deal with at all- but he deals with it. however me, i am literally dying inside.
everytime i have sex with him or watch videos online im reminded of her and how i’m inadequate because i’m different in the sense that doesnt occur with me. he has told me a bunch of times that he has loved me more than he ever loved anyone and that those things dont matter to him, an d im the best he ever had and he has no attachment or desire whatsoever for the past. but truly, i think of this all the time and it really breaks my heart because i could never do that thing he ‘liked’ so much and im constantly reminded of it or comparing myself to her or his other exes. hes told me before his turn ons with other exes, and all i think about is how i dont do the same. and i hate that he loved them and made other people cum and they had him completely.
i do believe that he is truthful about things but i have really bad trust issues, and i feel devastated about everything, i’m super insecure and an overthinker, i’m also very depressed with everything going on in my life and so dealing with all this is just something else that makes me feel worthless. i dunno, advice? thoughts?
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You’re driving yourself crazy over someone who isn’t even in the picture. He chose you for a reason don’t let old stories steal your joy.
It’s not easy when certain things your partner says stick with you and mess with your head, even when you know they didn’t mean it in a hurtful way.
In my case, my fiance once had a very complicated friends-with-benefits situation with someone who’s weirdly still around… She became “besties” with his mom after them two started working together.. lol.
She was very hot and cold towards him when he was still single, as soon as I came around though? She became obsessed with him. She acted like they broke up, even though he always told her they were never serious..
She would cry, push boundaries, and even now – she is engaged to someone else, always has been, she cheated on him with my fiance at the time – still gives him puppy dog eyes at family events. It used to eat me alive, I would compare myself to her, even though I knew he had chosen me. It took time, and honestly, a lot of reminding myself that he’s here, with me, not her.
You are not crazy. Insecurity loves to cling to random comments or old memories, especially if you are already feeling low. Our minds just simply love to torture us. You are fixating on something that made you feel “less than”, even though your boyfriend has repeatedly reassured you that you are not. He is with you for a reason! The thing she did might have been memorable for him, but you are who he loves. The physical detail he had with her doesn’t define his connection or intimacy with you.
Keep in mind – coming from an only girl in a family with 5 brothers and 7 male cousins lol – men just tend to say things in the moment without realizing how it affects the people around them. They are more blunt.
Just keep reminding yourself: You’re more than enough. Even when your brain tries to convince you otherwise.
Let him speak for him.