Hello, my husband lost his father recently. We got married a month before his father passed. His mother is in iddat and living with his sister. She wants to come stay with us for two months while the sister’s inlaws visit and stay in our living room. We have a small one bedroom apartment. The sister would still have space for her but she doesn’t want to be around the sister’s FIL. I am not comfortable with the arrangement but I told my husband would it be okay if she stayed for 3 weeks and then stayed in an Airbnb nearby? My husband proposed this and both MIL and SIL found it incredibly offensive to even suggest. I’m not sure why. We are both Pakistani but different class backgrounds. My mother would be ecstatic if I paid for her Airbnb instead of subjecting her to sleep on a futon in my living room. My MIL then said it’s fine she’ll just stay at SIL’s place with her inlaws (they’re coming after her mourning period now). I’m just not comfortable with this because if it was just a one-time thing after a tragedy I’d understand but this will be a recurring issue and I felt it important to voice my feelings now rather than carry resentment and continue to be bullied later.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Having someone live in your common area for MONTHS is not a reasonable request.
Stick to your guns on this. Even the 3 weeks would be too danged long. You’ll be miserable.
I really get where you’re coming from with your MIL’s overbearing request, it’s like she’s trying to crowd out any semblance of a life for y’all. I recall when my own mom-in-law dropped by “unexpectedly” and overstayed her welcome, driving me to the brink of losing my shit… er, calmly asserting my boundaries instead! Anyway, your hubby needs to understand that two months is an unfathomable ask, especially with limited space. Suggest a trial period, like a week or two max, and see how it goes before committing to any long-term arrangements.