I (14F) have an older brother, J(16M), who despises the fact that I cosplay, and only seems to tolerate it when I can do something for him with the skills I gained cosplaying. I recently got into competitive cosplay, and I’m currently working on a really complicated build for a competition next month. I was at a thrift store with my family, looking for curtains or bedsheets to make the large white part of the costume, when I find the most BEAUTIFUL pure white bedsheet for only $2, when J grabs it and says “You can use this to make my JESUS COSTUME!” I, being confused, told J that this wasn’t for his Jesus costume, and I was never informed that I had to make a Jesus costume.
He said that he assumed I would make it for him, but because it’s summer, I asked what it was for because he hates cosplay, conventions, and everything similar to that. Apparently, it was for a wrong occasions party in one week. J told me that I could use most of the sheet for his costume, and use the rest for my cosplay. I told J that making the Jesus costume would take a long time, and that just the scraps aren’t enough for what I’m trying to make. He called me a ”manipulative b*tch,” and said that his friend’s mom could do it in an hour. I then told him to find his own bed sheet and have his friend’s mom make it if she could do it so much better than me. J called me a couple of slurs and left. It’s been a few days and he’s still mad, and I kinda feel bad because my competition is in a month, and his party is in a few days. So, AITA?
EDIT: realized I should add an explanation as to why a Jesus costume would take me so long. I don’t have a sewing machine, and I don’t understand patterns, so I self-pattern AND hand sew everything. And I mean everything, even the shorts I wear under skirts. I am also a huge procrastinator and have unmedicated ADHD. I’m kept on track by Will Wood‘s full discography and a six pack of cherry coke during all nighters.
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I (14F) have an older brother, J(16M), who despises the fact that I cosplay, and only seems to tolerate it when I can do something for him with the skills I gained cosplaying. I recently got into competitive cosplay, and I’m currently working on a really complicated build for a competition next month. I was at a thrift store with my family, looking for curtains or bedsheets to make the large white part of the costume, when I find the most BEAUTIFUL pure white bedsheet for only $2, when J grabs it and says “You can use this to make my JESUS COSTUME!” I, being confused, told J that this wasn’t for his Jesus costume, and I was never informed that I had to make a Jesus costume.
He said that he assumed I would make it for him, but because it’s summer, I asked what it was for because he hates cosplay, conventions, and everything similar to that. Apparently, it was for a wrong occasions party in one week. J told me that I could use most of the sheet for his costume, and use the rest for my cosplay. I told J that making the Jesus costume would take a long time, and that just the scraps aren’t enough for what I’m trying to make. He called me a ”manipulative b*tch,” and said that his friend’s mom could do it in an hour. I then told him to find his own bed sheet and have his friend’s mom make it if she could do it so much better than me. J called me a couple of slurs and left. It’s been a few days and he’s still mad, and I kinda feel bad because my competition is in a month, and his party is in a few days. So, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action that should be judged is me prioritizing my costume needed in a month over my sibling’s costume that they need in a week. The action could make me the asshole because my brother needed his costume way sooner than mine, and costume shops aren’t open and he can’t make his own.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
He doesn’t get to drop a demand of making his costume on you, act like an entitled asshole and insult your abilities while still expecting you to cater to him. That’s not how it works. Time for him to learn about real life. NTA
NTA. It’s his costume, and apparently you aren’t the only person he can get it made by. Besides, he didn’t tell you that he had a costume he wanted you to make until now.
NTA. Nothing says ‘Jesus costume’ like calling your sister slurs and stealing her stuff.
NTA but he is!
NTA
Not only did he assume you’d make the costume (and making outfits is a ton of work) he didn’t even ask you.
He didn’t give you any warning to set aside time in your schedule or prepare materials.
He just expects you to drop everything and use materials ALREADY CLAIMED for a project to make a costume for him just because he’s your brother.
You are not the jerk in this situation. He is for acting entitled and then blowing up when you rightfully refused.
NTA – He’s an entitled AH who does not respect you…and a mysoginist to boot. It’s either you or his friend’s mum. And, of course, HIS costume is more important than yours. Why are you still doing his costumes? He can learn to sew if he needs costumes, instead of forcing his female relatives or acquitances to.
That without taking into account the slurs, or the fact that he didn’t even mention that he needed a costume…
NTA. You don’t owe your brother a costume, just because you are talented. Your time and skills are for you to use as you please. The fact that he is dismissive of the effort and time involved makes him even less deserving of a favor.
That said, please, please, consider making the best Jesus costume imaginable for your brother, just so afterward you can say, “Nailed it!”
NTA. Where are your parents? Why is this little shit allowed to speak to you or anyone like this?
Why is it his business what you do as a hobby?
Your brother sounds awful and hateful.
Hide your costumes and supplies.
Your parents need to parent this little demon.
NTA – your brother is selfish and immature. Do not make that costume for him unless he specifically helps you (in a meaningful way) work on your costume.
NTA, but be careful of him trying to ruin your build
NTA, and a good response. If J wants to tell you his friends mom can do, then he can let her.
J sounds like a jerk.
Nta, at all. Sounds like you found something you enjoy and that you’re good at, don’t let anyone make you feel bad over that. Having the skill to make your own outfit at 14 is very impressive!
It can be hard sometimes saying no to family especially if you still live with them and want to keep the peace, but you have to put your foot down. The way your brother treats you is horrible. Don’t help him with his costume or anything else until he learns to respect you and your time. Even then if it’s not something you want to do, don’t. Make your outfit and have an amazing time!
Not to sound too much like a mom, but if he wants you to do something for him, he can use his words and as NICELY. Never do things for people who don’t ask nicely, as they will never learn.
Look, even the fact that you think you might be the asshole has me worried. Never, ever date a boy that treats you like this. Never date a boy that makes you feel uncomfortable about your hobbies or like your interests are lesser. Never date a boy that won’t give you the respect of politely asking for favors, not expecting them. Growing up in a way that you expect treatment like your brother gives you can make you think that’s how you should be treated, but it is not.
NTA at ALL, but you should do some work on realizing that you deserve respect.
This all comes down to this question. Am I an AH for prioritizing myself over my jerk of a brother? And that answer is a giant, loud NO.
FYI, that’s not a reasonable response to declining a favor. I feel this needs to be said to make sure you don’t normalize your brother’s behavior. It goes well beyond being just immature. He’s clearly got issues, none of which are your problem or responsibility. Stay clear of them.
NTA
NTA- He never even asked you and just assumed you’d do it.
NTA. He mocks your hobby and expects you to use it to make things for him? Tell him no. Stop doing favors for people that act like entitled jerks.
NTA, for you to do such a favour, at such short notice, he should be begging, bribing, paying you. Not negging and ignoring you. I could bang together a Jesus costume for a massive piss up in a couple hours. Jesus and his disciples weren’t known for their style and tailoring. Your time would be better spent on your own hobby
NTA.
He needed to ask you, not to demand or assume, and had no business assuming that something you found for your own costume would be used for his.
Furthermore, once he started calling me names, I wouldn’t put myself out for him at all.
NTA he didn’t even ask you to help him, and still.woudlnt have if he hadn’t wanted that sheet. Besides, his friend’s mom’s going to do it. 🙄 Wonder if she knows about it.
NTA. And if my brother talked to me that way I wouldn’t make him anything ever again.
NTA
Your brother is TA, clearly (look its a jesus costume and he has 2 hands, there’s no reason why a 16 year old can’t make it himself AND its about time to learn you dont call people slurs when youre asking for a favor) but mostly I just want to encourage you to keep crafting and sewing! I’ve found there are two types of people when it comes to creating – those who can follow a pattern really well and it makes perfect sense to them and those who make it up as they go. I’m one of the latter ones like you and do not ever let anyone make you feel like you’re less talented or less of a sewist for being that way. My dear friend is the opposite and while i’m jealous of her ability to follow a pattern, I’m also astounded at her inability to just like… look at a piece of fabric and start cutting. Equal and opposite skill sets.
I hand sew a lot (I hand quilt as well as do costumes) and its very satisifying in a way that most dont understand, but I do hope youre able to get a machine soon. Brother makes very affordable and very decent machines for usually around 100 (I still use mine that I bought almost 15 years ago). And that as soon as you can, you can get a mannequin or dress form – absolute game changer for folks who create the way we do. SO much easier to drape and structure, and THEN you can also make your own muslin patterns, that you understand cause you made them 🙂
Love and light, and good luck at your comp!
NTA.
Your brother is big 16, the boy can do it his fucking self. Where are your parents? Letting him do stupidness 😒