I (25F) feel hopeless about being single for so long 🙁

r/

Hi all,

I was hoping for some advice. The TLDR is that I’ve been single for the last 4 years (completely single like a bare few first dates and that’s it) and honestly I feel completely lonely, depressed and hopeless about what I’m doing wrong.

I broke up with my first boyfriend in 2021. He cheated on me quite brutally (I’ve posted about it before). It took me quite a while to get over it given how awful the whole situation was and felt quite scarred from it all. Since then i worked in the city for a while, then lived in Italy for a bit and came back and was training to be a teacher which I just finished. Things have been quite transitory the last 4 years and I’ve lived at home for a lot of it. I’ve been on hinge and bumble and also asked people out in real life but somehow nothing has worked. Irl I barely get any interest (something ive never had my whole life tbh) and when I’ve shown it, it’s not been reciprocated even if they like me/are attracted. I feel like other people around me have had it so much simpler with relationships or flings happening organically with the people around them. On hinge and bumble i get such little traction ( I’m talking very few likes from people I feel attracted to and no matches the majority of the time). I feel completely deflated and lost as without sounding boastful I don’t think I’m a very ugly person? I’m not conventionally attractive but don’t think I’m so bad or have a terribly bad personality to have not found anyone in 4 years.
It’s definitely getting to my self esteem and I feel a bit trapped as aside from this my life is really progressing and thriving with many close caring friendships but this romantic part seems to always be non existent. It makes me miss my ex sometimes because it’s hard not to feel like that legit was the only time I had some form of love but I know it’s just my mind playing tricks because of how shit I feel about this.
I have so many hobbies and interests and try to do things to meet new people but partly due to where I live (outside of the city) it’s hard to be regular nor does it ever lead to things. I’m good at making friends and try not to centre my life around men and validation but I feel like at this point it’s far more just a genuine desire for real connection and love which I would love to give to someone and have felt ready to do so for so long since my first relationship and how awful that was.

If anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated as honestly some nights it makes me cry and I feel so hopeless about it. I wonder what’s wrong with me or if I’m scaring men away somehow by not being their flavour when I see my peers sail through.

Comments

  1. Ok_Spring3446 Avatar

    Sorry it’s such a dampener!! I normally am quite strong on staying positive but heard about some people on my uni course who got with people and I feel quite sensitive about it all again!