Title: My Narcissistic Grandma Wants to Control Our Family Trip

Hey Reddit,

I’m a 19M and I’m just trying to keep my family together while protecting my sister and honoring my dad’s memory. Things are complicated, and I’d appreciate some honest advice on what I should do next.

My mom (42F) has been raising us alone since our dad (44M) passed away years ago.

Our family: Me (19M), my older sister (17F), and our younger sister (11F).

We’re going on a short trip to make a new passport for my sister.

It should be simple… but family politics got involved.

On our last trip (years ago), when we made our own without my sister because she was underage, one of my late dad’s old friends helped us:

He paid for our food and hotel.

He even helped with passport arrangements.

My sister couldn’t complete hers then, so now we’re going back to finish it.

But when we got home, all hell broke loose:

Our paternal uncle “A” told my maternal uncle “O” that my mom must’ve done something “inappropriate” with the man who helped us — basically accusing her of sleeping her way into help.

Grandma (dad’s side, who I’ll call “8”) she’s been trying to wedge herself between me, my mom, and our family for years.

Uncle “W” (our aunt’s husband) berated us for going on the trip — even though the whole family gave us permission and knew the man was helping us.

Grandma (mom’s side, who I’ll call Grandma) took away our passports that we got from the last trip, it took us a while to get it back having to accept It was gone until we asked for it back saying we need it and brought it up in a friendly confused matter, she’s a narcissist who abused my mom growing up.

So yeah, it was chaos.

My sister (17F) just finished a really hard year of studying. She deserves peace. This trip was meant to be just us: my mom, both my sisters, and me — finally going to finish her passport.

But suddenly, Grandma (mom’s side) wants to come.
The one we don’t even visit anymore.
The one who tries to control everything.
She says she must go.

We don’t want that.

My sister (17F) refused. She said she doesn’t want grandma there — that she’ll ruin the trip, control everything, and bring her usual negativity.

My mom acts like she agrees, but she’s not giving straight answers.

When I asked her — calmly at first, then more firmly — to explain what was going on, she ignored me (as usual, she was on the phone).

When I raised my voice, she snapped, twisted it into me accusing her of being a bad mom and starving us (I didn’t).

All I wanted was to know the truth, so I could figure out how to help.

Reddit, I’m stuck. I want this trip to go well for my sister and mom.
But I’m also tired of being manipulated or shut down. I feel like I’m the only one who’s seeing the long-term damage these people cause.

So now I’m asking:

Should I back off and just let them figure it out?

Or should I step in fully, protect my sister’s peace, and stop my grandma from ruining another moment of our lives?

I don’t want this to explode into more drama, but I also don’t want to stay silent and watch it all happen again.

Thanks for reading. I really needed to get this out.
.

TL;DR= My family trip to get my sister’s passport is being threatened by drama. My narcissistic grandma wants to come and control the trip, but my sister and I don’t want her there. Mom’s being evasive and defensive when I ask about it. I want to protect my sister’s peace but don’t want more family drama. Should I step in or back off?